February 2013 Moms

changing baby mindset... from inside to outside baby

I've read a lot of stuff during my pregnancy... every week I know what's typically happening and I've known what's coming up.

I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and realizing that I haven't read anything about new babies! I feel like I know nothing, and I know that a lot will come with experience, but I'd still like to have some "tools in my belt" so I at least know a little of what to expect.

I'm having a hard time making the switch from thinking about my inside baby to my almost outside baby...

I don't necessarily want to buy books to read, but does anyone know of a website or something they can recommend? I just want some basics of what to expect, nothing crazy!

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Re: changing baby mindset... from inside to outside baby

  • I think educating yourself is important, but I don't think it's as important as trusting your mothering instincts.  They are powerful and rarely wrong.

    You can learn all about baby sleep cycles and feeding methods and all of that, but really, none of the books know your baby and what your baby needs.  They are individuals and develop at different rates, just like adults do.  You just need to listen to your baby's cues and do what is best for your family.  I don't worry about whether or not my child is following the standard development chart much.  My doc assesses health and I *know* when something seems off enough to warrant a visit to the doc.  Sometimes I think reading all of that stuff makes us hyperparanoid and looking for problems when they aren't really there.

    I think learning infant CPR is important and something you could work on now.  I would also read up on signs that your baby is sick enough to be seen by a doctor (although usually they will discharge you from the hospital with all of that info).  Things like carseat safety and how to properly latch your child in is important.

    Other than that, just go with the flow and make sure you have your mommy friends on speed dial.  I trust the real life advice of my friends and family over anything I read in a book.  If you are planning to breastfeed, make sure you have a support person who has been through it and knows what they are talking about so you can call then if you have questions.

    Is there anything in particular you are nervous or confused about?  Maybe some of the STMs here could help you out.

     

        
  • I think I'm just worried that my baby will need something I can't do for her or won't know that she needs...

    I think I also just feel guilty that I read so much during pregnancy and the arrival of baby is so much more important yet I don't know much! I FEEL like I want to trust my instincts instead of read a bunch right now, and I agree that reading could make you look for issues that aren't there... I guess I just want to make sure I'm a good mom...Hm.

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  • I actually found the "Newborn Basics" section of The Bump to be decent.  Gave me some quick tips without going overly in-depth.  If there was something I wanted more info on, I'd research it further. 
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  • imageartroyer:
    I think I'm just worried that my baby will need something I can't do for her or won't know that she needs... I think I also just feel guilty that I read so much during pregnancy and the arrival of baby is so much more important yet I don't know much! I FEEL like I want to trust my instincts instead of read a bunch right now, and I agree that reading could make you look for issues that aren't there... I guess I just want to make sure I'm a good mom...Hm.

    You're already a good mom :)

    (unless you've been smoking through this pregnancy and doing drugs, then I retract that statement :P)

    Seriously though, (sorry to get religious, but I am, so here goes...) God gave this baby to you for a reason.  He knows that you are the perfect mother for this child.  No matter what happens, you have a bond with this baby that no one else has.  A human being can't grow inside of your body for this long and not have a deep "supernatural" connection with you.  

    I can look at my children and know when something is wrong.  I can see it in their eyes.  Nothing can prepare you for that - it just comes with the territory of being a mother.  

    And remember that a baby doesn't need much.  Honestly.  We think they need all of these toys and gadgets for comfort, but all they REALLY want is a full belly, a warm and dry place to rest, and the comfort of their mother.   You're going to know if your baby is hungry, wet, or wants to be held.  Don't worry about it. 

    You're going to be great.  Just trust yourself and make sure you have a great support network.
        
  • If you do end up wanting a book to read, I really like Baby 411.  They have a nice little "the first two weeks" primer which is condensed but hits all the high points which is nice if you don't have a ton of time to read up.

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13

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  • I agree with Adamwife; I'm also a FTM and I think having a newborn, especially YOUR newborn is going to be a lot of "on the job training" (as my close friend and mother to triplets calls it). Those first few weeks are going to be you getting to know each other and knowing what your baby likes and responds to. 

    Do you have any experience being around babies? Babysitting or spending time with nieces/nephews or friends' kids? There are some things about babies that you'll need to know (how to hold the baby, change a diaper, give baby a bath, what position to put them in for sleep), etc. but I think they'll teach you a lot while you're in the hospital. Other than that, have your mom/MIL and some mommy friends on call and you'll be fine. 

    Married 2/15/09, BFP #1 02/03/12 - EDD 10/13/12, Missed M/C 03/15/12@9w5d (measuring 8w3d) They weren't kidding when they said "Beware the Ides of March" Image and video hosting by TinyPic BFP#2 06/13/12 - Emily Samantha born on Feb 9, 2013!
  • Best advice I got with my first was from my mom. She told me that the issue with all of the books out there is that your baby hasn't read them. 

    I did the opposite of you and read everything so much so that i was convinced of certain ideas and philosphy that doesn't actually work for me at all. It caused me to be so stressed and not to trust my instincts.

    There is no 'right' course here, and looking back if there was one right way, then everyone would follow it. And the person who wrote that book would be a billionaire.

    You will be fine!  

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  • I agree with PP's here as well, I think your feelings are totally normal though, I remember being terrified with my first, but I found my mom and my sister much better than any book, I could just call my mom and she almost always had the answer or some great suggestions for me until I got the hang of it. It takes a while to get into the swing of things but you will get it. I read pregnancy for dummies with my first haha, he was the first newborn I held and I never had to learn how, I think lots is common sense and intuition. But honestly, if you have a good relationship with your mom and MIL or a sister or anyone who already has kids relying on them and asking them questions usually works the best. If researching puts your mind at ease then research away though there's nothing wrong with that either!
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  • Thanks ladies... you really did make me feel better. I'm going to do something I'm not used to doing... I'm not going to over plan and stress about it! I'm going to go with my instincts, and look stuff up as questions arise. I do have a lot of support friends to lean on too... i think in the end it will make me a better mom. thanks :

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  • Not so much on the subject of newborns but more to do with what your body will go through after delivery I've loved Lucie's List's article on the postpartum experience. Funny and informative, a combination I appreciate :) 

    https://www.lucieslist.com/the-postpartum-experience/

    Erin
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