SAHM

CandLind

Any sahm out there feel like they are expected to do everything? Have a clean house,happy baby, dinner on the table and have a smile on at all times? It is SO much sometimes. My husband works so hard so I can stay home so I feel like everything should be perfect at all times and feel guilty when it's not. My DH helps but only when I ask. Any moms feel like me? 

 

CLeigh03

Yes I struggle with this for sure. I feel its my job to make all that happen. Luckily DH is aware of the pressure I put on myself so he tries his best to assure me if I'm having a harder day its ok.

Bemyselfandi

Nah. I stay home cuz I'm lazy.

WhitEm14

Absolutely! When DH gets home and everything isn't ready/done I feel so bad. He tells me I put way too much pressure on myself. That being said, he doesn't do any house chores unless I ask, which sometimes bothers me, but I try not to let it since he's working SOOOO hard at his job, too.

Mzbr

I do work very part time but consider myself pretty much a SAHM. I feel the same way often. I put that pressure on myself because like you my DH works hard so that I can be at home with DD. It was easy to deliver all of that when DD was a newborn. I could get a ton done while she slept all the time. However with longer awake times and keeping her entertained its very hard to accomplish anything! My DH is constantly reassuring me that I don't have to do it all! He is really helpful and wonderful. That being said it still bothers me when I feel like I cant keep everything clean and neat like I want it!

AggieDaner

I know if I'm not smiley and popping out Pot Roasts and BJ's all the time my husband will return me for a new model.

lady_tytah

Definitely. It doesn't help my dad always saying something snarky. I have to mentally remind myself some stuff just isn't getting done. My hubs and children love me regardless if they are dishes in the sink or a clean carpet.

rp-chicago-mom

shmozly:

AggieDaner:

I know if I'm not smiley and popping out Pot Roasts and BJ's all the time my husband will return me for a new model.

Ahh, the dreaded roast and fallacio conundrum

MH prefers beef tenderloin and up the azz.

loramag48

This post reminds me of this joke I read the other day on FB

 

What Did You Do All Day?

By: Veronica Kavanagh

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife?s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:

?What happened here today???

She again smiled and answered, ?You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day??

?Yes,? was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ??Well, today I didn?t do it.?

rp-chicago-mom

Seriously, I feel like I suck at being a sham sometimes. But I try pretty hard so I let it rest.

JAO2011

I definitely feel that way. DH is awesome and doesn't make me feel bad but when he comes home from work and starts doing things I should be doing, I feel bad. If I could just get this baby to nap in her crib I would have a whole lot more time on my hands!

merricksmom

My husband is a SAHD right now and I work. I don't expect perfection or dinner on the table when I get home. As long as the kids are alive and relatively clean....I pitch in when I get home. But he does do stuff around the house all day. But everything done and perfect? No way.

ashS10309

Yes! I feel like this a lot. I try not to be too hard on myself. I enjoy staying home but it's much harder than I thought!

Mrs. Rohde

I am so hard myself. I know DH doesn't care and he will help out when he's home. If I have a rough day he'll fix up something quick for dinner while I deal with DS. He says we're a team and even though he works outside the home he knows my job us harder. He's had days home with me fine for several hours and he says I'm his hero for doing all that I do.
So I know the pressure is internal and partially from my mom who wonders what I do all day. Ugh. We can't all have housekeepers, mom!

nicnac817

Yup.  I feel like I do everything all the time and it can sometimes leave me feeling bitter.  We are going through this right now.  I clean, cook, shop, take care of LO, set up babysitters for date nights, wake up for early morning feedings, do bathtime, do bedtime, so laundry, packing up the house for our move and on and on and on. 

hsilverm

I am a SAHM with an OCD personality, so I always enjoyed keeping the house clean. However, I'm not going to lie, it's hard when you add a new baby, a super hyper dog, and keeping up with all the house hold bills on a daily basis. I also tutor a few times a week for some extra money.

What gets to me is how some non SAHMs look down upon us like we are lazy bc they work and take care of a baby. However, it's not easy! Since I decided to SAH, I try and do everything 110 percent. Which means laundry everyday, never any dishes in the sink, weekly grocery shopping with extreme couponing to save our family money, prepare homemade baby food, attend mommy and me groups, but apparently to some we are lazy. It gets me SO ANGRY! 

Andreabks

while its my job to take care of the house/baby right now, DH doesn't expect it to be perfect.  he knows that there are days where Addy needs more care than others and stuff won't always get done.

then again i also have a DH who comes home from work and helps out with LO so i can finish dinner or any other projects i'm working on.

Megispreg

I think H and I have pretty realistic expectations of what can be done around the house with an infant. He's cared for her enough to know that it's not easy.

SpruceGrouse

I feel like I do because DH works so hard but he doesn't have any expectations. He helps out without me asking which is nice and he is quite a good cook and does the cooking some nights (those are great nights). If I have a hard day and don't get much done I feel guilty even with him telling me it isn't a big deal. I feel like I don't deserve him sometimes.

emandjp

Yep, I'm there too. My DH doesn't expect me to do anything but I put all this pressure on myself to do it all. I feel like a complete failure when he comes home and there's laundry to be folded, a dishwasher to be emptied and dinner to be made. But sweet DH, he always look at me and says, "All you have to do is take care of her (points to DD), that's all I care about."

From the looks of the responses, it's normal to feel this way.

babyike

I SAH and also will start seeing clients again 1-2 days a week next month.  I maintain the house as best I can, and I have pretty high standards of clean IMO.  It's harder somedays than others.  With 3 LOs to tend to now, DH hasn't said one word to me about how our house looks if it's not spotless.  

He does praise me a ton though if he comes home to a clean house, clean/happy kids, and dinner on the stove

And he ALWAYS cleans up the kitchen for me every night after he puts DD and DS1 to bed.  Yes, I realize I need to blow him WAY more often than I do! 

xxbabycakesxx

DH is very understanding with this so he helps a lot and doesn't expect everything to be done once he gets home from work. If roles were reversed, I'd be understanding too.

KEfam5

Absolutely yes. My DH is amazing and tries to make sure that I don't feel pressured into having a spotless house and whatnot but I always feel that because he works so hard that's the least I can do for him. My DH is like yours too by only helping out if he's asked which is okay, really, that's not his job. He's gone 12 hours a day providing for his family; I feel like I should be providing for him here. Yeah I totally struggle with it but at the end of the day, if he's happy, I'm happy. And the house is clean at least once a week

Grins04

I felt that way in the beginning with DS too, but as time went on I didn't.  Some days you are just so busy with your LO (or you want to be interacting with them) to worry about that stuff.  I try to get a few things done each day, but I can't do it all everyday.  DH has always understood this, especially after being with DS on his own.

nopegoat

Kind of. My DF works OOT so I feel pressure to keep the house decent, not necessarily for him but for me just in case we have any unexpected visitors and I have to clean up real quick. 

When I know he is coming home I do try to have as much done as possible so it looks good for him and so I don't have to waste what little time I have with him to catching up.  

CandLind

I am so happy I'm not the only one that feels this way!  My hubby never says anything about the house not being perfect or anything I just think he secretly hates me for not being better at it.  

 

KimnBen

I do feel like you sometimes, but in a perfect world all of that would get done.  Our LO's are still very little and require so much.  I was trying to get all of that done, but then thought to myself why I was home, it's to be there for my LO and help her grow, not to cook dinner and do dishes.  If my LO naps longer than a 1/2 hour (which is very rare) I will try to get things done. 

KimnBen

Bemyselfandi:

Nah. I stay home cuz I'm lazy.

Crackin me up!

KimnBen

AggieDaner:

I know if I'm not smiley and popping out Pot Roasts and BJ's all the time my husband will return me for a new model.

Well said, Hilarious!!!