February 2013 Moms

Honest Opinions Please.

I am trying to figure out if I am just being super sensitive or what.  Today on FB my BIL had a status up about booking their trip to Italy.  Initially we had also planned to go with them in May but when we found out about LO-DH and I decided not to go.  So I posted 'congrats!!  when are you two going?'.  I get a text from my sister that says 'we are going for ten days and leaving on Valentine's Day' then goes into another conversation like it's not a big deal.  Our due date is 2/18 and this is our first.  So I of course responded 'well that sounds fun and I hope you have access to email incase he comes while you are gone'.  Her response was 'we are hoping he comes late :)'.  Am I wrong in feeling annoyed/hurt that they are leaving the country for ten days right around when my due date?  PS They just booked the trip/flight today.
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Married: 05/14/2011

DS Was Born: 02/10/2013

EDD: 10/19/2015

Re: Honest Opinions Please.

  • I wouldn't be bummed. I think the thing that would piss me off is her saying she hopes the baby is late only because we're at that point of being done.
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  • imagemhbraymer:
    I wouldn't be bummed. I think the thing that would piss me off is her saying she hopes the baby is late only because we're at that point of being done.


    This exactly.
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  • It wouldn't bother me.  My own sisters who live far away from me rarely come to see my babies right away.  It's usually a month later.  I actually prefer they wait anyways because I don't feel like a bunch of visitors right away.
        
  • imageljburrelli:
    I am trying to figure out if I am just being super sensitive or what.  Today on FB my BIL had a status up about booking their trip to Italy.  Initially we had also planned to go with them in May but when we found out about LO-DH and I decided not to go.  So I posted 'congrats!!  when are you two going?'.  I get a text from my sister that says 'we are going for ten days and leaving on Valentine's Day' then goes into another conversation like it's not a big deal.  Our due date is 2/18 and this is our first.  So I of course responded 'well that sounds fun and I hope you have access to email incase he comes while you are gone'.  Her response was 'we are hoping he comes late :)'.  Am I wrong in feeling annoyed/hurt that they are leaving the country for ten days right around when my due date?  PS They just booked the trip/flight today.

     

    We are pretty close and she is going to be the baby's godmother.  She initially said she was coming down the weekend after he was born (she lives a few hours away) so I am not sure if it's that I had to find out from FB that annoyed me or that she hopes he's late so she can go on her trip and still be around when he comes or that when he does come I won't even be able to share the moment with one of my sisters.

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    Married: 05/14/2011

    DS Was Born: 02/10/2013

    EDD: 10/19/2015

  • My brother was in China when DD was born (for a National Science Foundation Grant). He didn't meet her until August (she was born in June). DH's family left for St. John for vacation maybe 3 days after DD was born (they kept saying they hoped she wasn't late). It really wasn't a huge deal. We just enjoyed her to ourselves and the family that was there.
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  • imagemhbraymer:
    I wouldn't be bummed. I think the thing that would piss me off is her saying she hopes the baby is late only because we're at that point of being done.

     

    This. 

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  • imagebeanersmommy:
    My brother was in China when DD was born (for a National Science Foundation Grant). He didn't meet her until August (she was born in June). DH's family left for St. John for vacation maybe 3 days after DD was born (they kept saying they hoped she wasn't late). It really wasn't a huge deal. We just enjoyed her to ourselves and the family that was there.

    I don't really see it as a big deal...the trip is probably expensive and they were planning on going anyways and maybe it was a great price...and a romantic trip to Italy sounds wonderful on Valentine's Day.
    I feel like I'm being a bit sensitive about things too...but you need to remember that they have their own lives, even though they are excited about your baby.

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  • imageMrsJelly:

    I don't really see it as a big deal...the trip is probably expensive and they were planning on going anyways and maybe it was a great price...and a romantic trip to Italy sounds wonderful on Valentine's Day.
    I feel like I'm being a bit sensitive about things too...but you need to remember that they have their own lives, even though they are excited about your baby.

     

    Honestly - I agree with the above.  I know how you must feel, and my heart goes out to you.  But, my SIL used to say things all the time like what you said to your BIL on Facebook about how "you hope they have email while they're gone" - and to be honest, it always struck me as sort of passive-aggressive, like she expected me to plan my life around her choices and her events.  I know you probably didn't mean it that way - all you meant is that you hope they'll have a way to be in touch so you can include them in a happy family event.  But they are probably super excited about this trip and looking forward to it, and they might have interpreted your comments as trying to make them feel guilty for having a life of their own and things they're looking forward to.  I wish they hadn't said that they're hoping you go late - because yeah, that's not nice.  But honestly, they might have just been put off by your comment.  I suggest being the bigger person, showing excitement for them about what they have in store on their journey - and I'm sure that when LO arrives, they'll be over the moon for you!

    DS born February 5, 2013

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  • Do they have kids?  Are they trying to get pregnant?  Just a thought -- but maybe if they are trying and haven't been ablet to get PG then it might be painful for them to come see you in the hospital and a trip seemed like a good idea.

    I say this because we lost a baby at 15 weeks last year, then my SIL got pregnant a month later.  It was still much to raw for me to go see them in the hospital, so we took a weekend lake trip over their due date.  I think they were offended, but it was best for us.  We went to see them and the baby when we got home.

    SAHM to DD1 (7), DS (5) and DD2 (1)
  • i agree with the comments and remember- there is a whole lifetime of love these folks will be showing you and your babe. the birth is just one day.

     

    i hope the honest feedback is helpful. it's hard to figure out when we're being sensitive and we're not with all these hormones! 

  • Honestly, I think you're being a bit over-sensitive. Maybe you'll even have the baby before they leave for their trip, maybe you'll have it after they come back. There is absolutely no way to plan things around a baby's arrival, and flights to Europe are much, much, much cheaper at that time of year (believe me, I live in Europe and have a lot of experience in finding cheap flights).10 days is not a long time even if you have LO the day they leave. You'll probably be happy you can have a few days to get into a routine and get some of the other visitors out of the way before they come to visit.

    My ILs are currently gone on a 3-week vacation. DD was a preemie and I had/have about a 20-30% chance of developing HELLP again, maybe even having another preemie. When they were booking they briefly discussed with us whether there would be a particularly inconvenient time to go, but we told them to just book it when it was best for them because there was no way to know when LO will arrive. Also, one of my BILs was in Brazil for a year when DD was born. He didn't see her until she was over 3 months old, also missing her baptism. <shrug> I still think she responds best to him out of all of her many uncles.


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    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • Yeah, I'd be hurt, but so muc depends on the kind of relationship you have with them. DH and I actually missed our nephew's birth because we planned a trip a week after SILs due date, mainly because she had been having preterm labor symptoms since 34 weeks and we were so sure he's be there before that. We ended up flying back the morning after he was born and driving up that day so we saw him the day after he was born. I think they understood, though.

    My little brother is actually moving across the country a week before my due date, but for some reason that doesn't bother me, I guess because I know his schedule has a lot of unavoidable reasons. 

    So, I don't know. I'd be bummed but try not to hold a grudge?

  • I wouldn't be offended.  The trip to Italy is a huge deal.  I don't expect many of my siblings to meet the new baby for a few weeks.  The baby will still be there when they get back and hey, one less visitor right away.   I'd just let them enjoy their trip to Italy (goodness knows I wish I could go on a romantic Valentine's day trip to Italy before I had a kid) and look forward to meeting your LO when they return. 
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  • I agree with those that said it depends on your relationship with them. 

    I visited my SIL in the hospital with both of her babies on the day they were born. I wasn't told we had to but I think there was an expectation that we would.  If she booked a trip over my due date, I would be pissed. 

    But I guess it can also depend on what people want in terms of visitors and things like that.

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  • imagemishka29:

    I agree with those that said it depends on your relationship with them. 

    I visited my SIL in the hospital with both of her babies on the day they were born. I wasn't told we had to but I think there was an expectation that we would.  If she booked a trip over my due date, I would be pissed. 

    But I guess it can also depend on what people want in terms of visitors and things like that.

     

     

    I agree.... I would be upset with their decision to book the trip earlier than originally planned, especially around your due date. There may be more to it though.... We just found out that our brother-in-law and sister-in-law's awkwardness during our pregnancy is the fact that they have been trying for quite some time and have not been able to get pregnant. Unfortunately, we had to find this out through some friends of ours. They have been keeping their distance from us and we feel very upset by this. Perhaps this is something that your family is going through too.

  • Hey ladies. 

    Thanks for the honest imput!  After a few days and a talk with my DH I feel better about the situation.  I think I just expected everyone to be as excited to meet him as we are.  Obviously my family is excited but I needed to be reminded that he is our gift and that everyone elses lives do not stop because I am having a baby!  I know my sister and BIL had talked about wanting to start trying to have babies after the Italy trip & my BIL graduating which he did in Decemeber.  My mom thinks maybe seeing my DH and I so close to having our little guy has made them want to start trying sooner.

    I am actually seeing both my sisters this weekend and we are doing manis/pedis and seeing Les Miserables.  It will be good to have some time with them both before our little guy arrives.  :)

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    Married: 05/14/2011

    DS Was Born: 02/10/2013

    EDD: 10/19/2015

  • My sister and I are super, super close, and despite that, I wouldn't be offended. I'd be bummed, definitely, but not upset with her. After all, she doesn't owe it to me to plan her life around my EDD. Maybe she got a great price on that flight or maybe it was the perfect time to go... I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she never meant to hurt my feelings and leave it at that.

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