December 2010 Moms
--halo--
member
Moms of 2 give it to me straight.
--halo--
member
Mobile users title: Moms of 2 give it to me straight.
I need to know how hard it is at first having 2 kids, and when it starts to get easier.
I am straight up freaking out about having 2 kids and I'm not even pregnant yet. DH and I are going to start TTC this month, and even though its something we both really want, I think I'm getting cold feet.
Sometimes I feel like I suck at being a mom to a newborn/infant/toddler and wish I could just skip the early years. I get frustrated really easily and wonder how the heck I will be able to handle two!! I know J will be almost 3 when we have another baby if we get pregnant right away. So that will make a difference, but I still need some kind of an idea of what it will be like.
The thing is that I want at least two kids, and I know that I will regret not having more if I don't try. Jack was really hard for me at first. I think a combination of my confidence building and the fact that I can communicate with him has made him easier to handle the older he gets. I know that there are constantly new challenges, but I feel like if I can just get through the first few years of 2 kids I will be able to handle it.
I have a cousin who is also TTC, and she isn't scared at all. I can't figure out if I'm the crazy one or she is.
I need to know how hard it is at first having 2 kids, and when it starts to get easier.
I am straight up freaking out about having 2 kids and I'm not even pregnant yet. DH and I are going to start TTC this month, and even though its something we both really want, I think I'm getting cold feet.
Sometimes I feel like I suck at being a mom to a newborn/infant/toddler and wish I could just skip the early years. I get frustrated really easily and wonder how the heck I will be able to handle two!! I know J will be almost 3 when we have another baby if we get pregnant right away. So that will make a difference, but I still need some kind of an idea of what it will be like.
The thing is that I want at least two kids, and I know that I will regret not having more if I don't try. Jack was really hard for me at first. I think a combination of my confidence building and the fact that I can communicate with him has made him easier to handle the older he gets. I know that there are constantly new challenges, but I feel like if I can just get through the first few years of 2 kids I will be able to handle it.
I have a cousin who is also TTC, and she isn't scared at all. I can't figure out if I'm the crazy one or she is.
I used to be a big deal. Now I'm just old.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moms of 2 give it to me straight.
You'll do fine! There are a lot of variables to "how hard it is to go from 1 to 2" Everyone has their 2nd child when child #1 is at a different age and stage. 3 year olds can do a lot of things on their own (especially if you make them and not baby them) but they can also choose not to do them at any given time a la tantrums.
The hardest parts for me was keeping #1 from waking the baby during tantrums or from playing, public outings when I was alone and #1 had to potty, getting used to packing for 2 kids when leaving the house. If your #1 is potty trained already though it's much easier!
You know that piece of advice everyone gives you when you have your baby "Sleep when the baby sleeps"? Well that no longer applies when you're monitoring another child! Those sleepless nights hurt a little more at times.
When you see your 2 children play and interact your heart warms to a level of unexplainable levels! It's worth every hard moment and then some.
Well...
pregnant with toddler=sucky
newborn with toddler=not so so bad, because the newborn sleeps so much, but nights are pretty darn hard.
3 month old with toddler=seems good for now!
My BIL and SIL, totally trying to be helpful and failing, informed us that going from 1 to 2 was one of the most difficult experiences they had ever had... yay? I'm also freaking out a bit and I have to do this in five weeks! It sounds so scary, but all the cute pictures of Dec babies with their new siblings on here are encouraging!
Lots of people have multiple kids and they all seemed to have lived through it.
Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I feel the same way, and we aren't even going to TTC until May. While I'm excited because I feel the same as you - I REALLY want two kids, and not just one (I am am only child, have a small family and don't want just one kid) I also feel so scared.
I basically could have written your post exactly! Even the whole thing about having a hard time with the baby stuff.
I'm just going to do it day by day when the time comes. One day at a time!
Its starting to get better now. B is 5 months and G is obviously 2. B is sleeping better and sitting up, so I don't have to hold him constantly. And G is becoming more helpful but then again more jealous.
I am the most impatient person I know. And babys crying is like nails on chalkboard. I get frustrated very easily. I'm hot tempered. Dh is more maternal than me. Seriously. If I can get through having 2 kids, I know you can too! I just repeat to myself daily that this too shall pass when things get difficult. A glass of wine at the end of the day helps too;)
I tell you this to be honest. I think it got way easy when DS2 was 6mo old or so. I think if mine were 3yrs apart it'd be a piece of CAKE compared to 2u2. Don't be skeered!!!! Now my guys are bffs and go to bed at the same time because Mason said he gets sad when Pete goes to bed. And nobody makes my little guy laugh as hard as his big brother... They are so cute together I tear up sometimes!
My LO was pretty tough (she would NOT sleep without being held as most of you probably remember). I think she was a kangaroo in another life and wanted to be in a pouch until she could walk!
I can NOT imagine if I have another infant like that AND taking care of a toddler. I'm exhausted just thinking about it!
And I'm 18 weeks pregnant... I don't have a ton of time to get used to the idea.
C section
Milk late to come in
Thrush
Reflux
Baby needed to sleep on me until we got meds and a swing.
It was a serious sht show.
Once d started napping in the swing... Omg game changer.
Once dunk was 5 months and some change and Oliver was nearing two? Sooooo good.
I think you have to mentally prepare for a rough patch in the beginning because you never know what shape you and baby will be in right at first. But Jackson is old enough now to handle it better than Oliver did. You will be fine. If the first 4 months are a bit difficult... Soon after, you will be golden.
I remember talking with you about the damn 30 min. Nap. Both kids were like this. It nearly broke me with oliver because he was so darn fussy. Well, this time around I didn't have time to obsess about it. And it passed quickly.
So prepare mentally for some obstacles... But it will be better than you think. Promise.
Thanks for all the feedback, you guys. I appreciate you telling me how it really is. As tired as I have been in the past, I know that I have no concept of what REALLY tired is yet and that kind of scares me. But like pp said, I know that billions of women have done it. I just hope that I'm not that one that snaps and has a nervous breakdown or something.
I talked with DH and let him know how I feel and that I am just going to need a lot of support and help. I was an idiot and googled it, and of course read all the stories about how hard it is. One thing that I hadn't thought of before is how now I'm home with Jack, but when DH comes home it's 2 on 1. When we have 2 kids, it will always be 1 on 1. Neither of us will ever have help unless one kid is asleep. I read that when you have one child, you have 1. But when you have 2 kids, it's like having 20.
I'm just hoping that you all stick around here so I can ask a billion questions about the logistics of 2.
Cheekers - we were going to wait until February, but decided to try early for a possible October baby. It sounds odd, but an Oct baby would work well with DH's PTO. If it doesn't work out, that's ok, but we thought we'd give it a try. lol
Very excited for you!
I am usually on my own with them a few nights and Saturdays, and that I can handle.
And it's a million times better now that she eats faster, sleeps well, is mobile, and J communicates.
It was intense for about 4 months, but now I actually can say I love it. And if I didn't do 2u2 I would wait until closer to 4. This is mainly because my nephew kind of sucked from about 2.5 to 3.5. If we have any more we will wait until K is 4, J is 5.5. But really, I feel like we're done.
I think you're nervous because of Jack's attachment, sorry to be blunt, but it is unlikely baby Halo2 will be the same. J is super independent and K is a mama's girl. Things might be different if it was the other way around for us.
I'm on the side that you won't regret this baby and you're a great mom so good luck whatever happens.
ETA. Jn, started before you posted, I agree with the 4 month point, 6m was even better.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm SAHM material. I have often thought that I might actually handle things better if I was working, too, just to have a break and some normalcy. But I've been at home for over 2 years now so this has become normal.
Do you mean I'm nervous because Jack has stranger anxiety and I think #2 will be the same? Or that he is attached to us and will be jealous? Because, either way, I am worried about both. I know that they will be different, but part of me is scared to death of another 'high maintenance' baby. Although, I know that does get better because Jack is doing SO much better than he used to.
The jealousy part worries me too. He gets along so much better with older kids than he does kids his age or younger. I have been asking him a lot lately if he wants a baby brother or sister, and he always says "No! No baby. Mama and Jackson." ::sigh::
I could have written this post. Word for word. We were supposed to start TTC last fall but I've been dragging my feet for all the reasons you mentioned. Sorry I can't help, but wanted to commiserate.
Kellie loves Barrett though and that has made it easier. I think she thinks he is her baby so she is pretty helpful when it comes to grabing diapers/burpclothes/binkies etc.
So far so go lol. Good luck!
Eta. K and B are 24 months apart and I really think that makes a differance. I couldnt imagine having them any closer together.
Dx MTHFR (C677T & A1298C, Compound Heterozygous)
Newborn and toddler wasn't too bad. Being 20 months A kinda ignored J for the most part. Would occasionally bring him his blanket or pacifier but that was it. To him newborns are kinda boring and luckily J was an easyish newborn. I could put him in the swing or nap nanny or just on the floor and he'd chill. Now When A was newborn I couldn't put him down anywhere for 5 minutes and he slept like crap for the first 6 months so we were prepared to be zombies the first 6 months but things have actually been ok. It does come with its challenges but nothing so bad that would make me change my mind on having them close. Crazy as it is I think I'm on board for a third once A is in kindergarten only because daycare is for 3. But I can already see how A wants J to play more with him and takes more interest now that J is older and playing with toys and laughing. And it gets easier still as we work with A extending his vocabulary hes not as verbal as some of the other dec babies so we have communicating and tantrum fun like everyone else does
Now we still don't sttn here because of J so it's not all fluffy rainbows and unicorns and we look forward to sleep training in about 2 months once everyone is hopefully done being sick. Another bonus of having 2 we have had cough/colds and who knows what else passed back and forth the last month.
I say go or it! Our dec babies are ver changing and growing up and surprise me with their adaptability. With j being near 3 he will understand the concept of a baby so much more. We used a few books to help introduce the concept to A and he saw me hold our niece and friends babies a few times and he did ok. With J you could even bring him to appts to hear heartbeat or see the baby on the ultrasound. A came along to my appts because i didnt have a sitter but he could care less since he was so young. he did like the fish in the waiting room though.
Anyways, we were scared the whole pregnancy about changing the dynamic of the family from 3 to 4 but so far it's been a great change and J just fits right in.
Newborn and toddler wasn't too bad. Being 20 months A kinda ignored J for the most part. Would occasionally bring him his blanket or pacifier but that was it. To him newborns are kinda boring and luckily J was an easyish newborn. I could put him in the swing or nap nanny or just on the floor and he'd chill. Now When A was newborn I couldn't put him down anywhere for 5 minutes and he slept like crap for the first 6 months so we were prepared to be zombies the first 6 months but things have actually been ok. It does come with its challenges but nothing so bad that would make me change my mind on having them close. Crazy as it is I think I'm on board for a third once A is in kindergarten only because daycare is for 3. But I can already see how A wants J to play more with him and takes more interest now that J is older and playing with toys and laughing. And it gets easier still as we work with A extending his vocabulary hes not as verbal as some of the other dec babies so we have communicating and tantrum fun like everyone else does
Now we still don't sttn here because of J so it's not all fluffy rainbows and unicorns and we look forward to sleep training in about 2 months once everyone is hopefully done being sick. Another bonus of having 2 we have had cough/colds and who knows what else passed back and forth the last month.
I say go or it! Our dec babies are ver changing and growing up and surprise me with their adaptability. With j being near 3 he will understand the concept of a baby so much more. We used a few books to help introduce the concept to A and he saw me hold our niece and friends babies a few times and he did ok. With J you could even bring him to appts to hear heartbeat or see the baby on the ultrasound. A came along to my appts because i didnt have a sitter but he could care less since he was so young. he did like the fish in the waiting room though.
Anyways, we were scared the whole pregnancy about changing the dynamic of the family from 3 to 4 but so far it's been a great change and J just fits right in.
my little man. 12-4-10.
my blog
O and G are just over 17mths apart and I think that is what made it most difficult. I think if I was to have a baby right now with O being two it would have been much easier. That said, I think you'll be fine. J will be old enough for some independence and he's old enough to do some things for himself.
I won't lie, the first few months were hard but then again I had 2 babies, not a baby and a toddler. Once G started sleeping more, sitting up and became mobile things were much easier. Now that she is out of the newborn stage I enjoy it. They are starting to interact more and I love seeing them together.
We are talking about ttc again in the fall, which would make it a 2ish year age gap between G and a new baby. If I'm totally honest I can admit that scares the crap out of me. That is months away and I'm a little panicky just thinking about it. We want out kids close together though so it's a choice we are making. We survived 2u2 so I'm confident we can survive 2u4.
Good luck and deep breathes
He's almost 6 months old, so I just keep telling myself that its going to keep getting easier as we go.
We had friends over last night whose kids are 14 months apart and at age 2 and 3 they play great together and are so fun to watch.
2 kids is hard - harder than 1, but Jack at 3 years old will most likely be a big help. It is really rough (I think) at least until the new baby sleeps through the night. After that it slowly gets easier and you get into a routine. Soon it's like you've always had 2 kids. It is so worth it though (until the 2 start fighting, but you'll have a good year or so before youhave to worry about that!).
Mine are 21 months apart. We had a tough time at first b/c of DD's reflux. She was extremely high maintenance. I also struggled with the feeling like I was always neglecting one kid at any given time. DS would be like, "come on, mommy, come on!", wanting me to play with him, and I'd always have to tell him to wait. Or I'd need to help DS with his lunch, so I'd put the baby down, but she'd be screaming b/c she also needs to be fed.
I had a hard time adjusting to having a newborn again b/c I had gotten used to DS being so independent & able to communicate with me. And there were things like - I had to get used to doing things for DS one-handed b/c I always had a baby over my shoulder. I couldn't take DS outside in the morning like I always did b/c DD was inside napping. It was like I had to re-learn my routine.
I was lucky DS was so good & just rolled with things. Now that DD turned a corner w/ her reflux & is a really good baby, of course DS is the one giving us trouble, mostly with his sleep issues!
I was nervous going into things about how I would handle having 2 & well, you just do it! I think you'll surprise yourself in some ways. You already know how to be a mom, so all the baby caring stuff will come naturally. The lack of sleep is also less of a shock to your system. You'll slowly start to figure out how to do your everyday things with a new baby in tow & your confidence will grow. I remember posting something like, omg how the heck am I going to go shopping with 2? And now it's second nature & the logistics of it is easy.
I hope some of that made sense, lol.
Honestly, when we first started trying 19 months ago, I was all like, "Woohoo! 2U2? Bring it ooooonnnn!" Now that I've had so much time to reflect (and some to my senses!), every single month I think about it and I get more anxious. I'm really loving DS' independence, so I'm getting less and less excited to go "backward" in our lifestyles.
All that's to say the anxiety is normal! (Or at least you're not alone!)
Also... Serendipity.. We are on the same baby making plan as you.. If we have a third? We start tryin in the fall. Gulp.