Just sharing my story...

Lcherry937

I just wanted to take a moment to share my story and current situation. It seems as if most (not all) of my family and friends don't seem to understand the details and reasoning behind my choices and whenever I try to explain MY story they have to jump in with what they would have done, or what they think I should do and so on and so forth.

 I found out I was pregnant the last weekend of September and was completely shocked. The father is an extremely good friend of mine whom I known for almost 10 years. We weren't really seeing each other things were kind of just convenient. When I told him I was pregnant (a few weeks after I took the test) he didn't freak out like I imagined and he was very supportive and wanted to look into all of our options and situations. Around the second week of October we had agreed abortion was going to be the best option for us. Neither of us had told another soul our "news" and agreed we would keep it between us. The day of the abortion came and I couldn't get out of my car. I was hysterical and distraught and just a big plain mess. I begged God to forgive me for even thinking this was an ok option for me and drove straight home.

 When I told him the next day I couldn't go through with the abortion he was furious. He told me that I was going to ruin this baby's life and mine and that I was trying to sabatoge him. I gave him a few days to grasp the news I had dropped on him and he came back and said that if I go through with this that he wanted nothing to do with it. Surprisingly, after hearing that a sense of relief came over me. I told him that it was his choice, I already made mine. I told him that if he chose to not be there for this child I understood and I would support him. I decided that I wouldn't share with anyone who "he" is and that I wouldn't come after him for child support or with a huge paternity suit. He still seemed angry but that was that we didn't speak again.

 It took me until I was 4 months pregnant (and a week before Christmas) to finally share the news. I wanted to accept and understand the situation completely before I shared the news and knew I would have to basically tell a version of this story over and over again. I told my Mom and it may have been the hardest thing I have had to tell her. No matter how old you get you never want to disappoint your mom. I bawled my eyes out as I tried to explain this to her but only the major things came out: I'm pregnant, the father isn't involved, and I'm keeping the baby. She wasn't very happy and while she responded better than I thought she would have she still really hurt me. She kept saying my life was over and how could I let this happen. I mean its not like I'm in high school, living under her roof, no job, etc (I'm 25, have 2 degrees, full time job, house, car, life clearly isn't falling apart).  She came around the very next day and seemed to be excited and still shocked.

 Then came time to tell my friends. I waited until the past two weeks to let everyone else in and while most have been supportive and are excited there are a few that just won't accept the fact that I am not going to chase down the father and tell everyone who he is.

I don't mean to write this long novel to get sympathy or pity. Believe me, I am over the moon and can't wait for my little he or she. I just wanted to get my story off my chest without anyone's criticism or look of sorrow. Nobody understands that I am actually ok with this and that I don't hate him and that I am actually excited to be a mommy. Yes, I don't have an ideal situation but heck the world isn't very ideal anymore. I just want to tell someone that I'm expecting and have them say "congrats" rather than "oh I'm so sorry this is happening"

 Again, sorry for such a long post!  

mandi195

Congrats! Sounds like a difficult situation, and I'm glad you chose to not have the abortion!

missleslielea

Congratulations momma!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You so got this and you know it!

 

sol4J

Congrats on your sweet blessing!  I know your situation all too well and can relate to you.  I recently read something that said this ?? because children are yours for a lifetime, this is a friendship that cannot be had with any other person.?  You?ll be a terrific mother and your child will grow up with you as your # 1 fan knowing that you did all you could for him.  Praying for you!

letzgoracing81

I think being so young and single is why others are holding back their 'congrats' But you sound like you have your ducks in row, you will be ok!   As for not pursuing child support or having the father part of your life....maybe wait to make that decision until AFTER the baby is born.   As for not sharing who the father is....your family and friends should respect that decision.

My boyfriend was on me for weeks about getting an abortion. He did NOT want this baby at all....now I am 7 months along, he is starting to warm up to the idea.

Hold your head high girl!  You are gonna be a momma!!!!

pregokat

Congratulations, and good for you!  As you go on, you will probably find that everyone will put in their advice, even if you didn't ask for it, and that as a pregnant woman, people will ask the rudest questions without a thought if it is okay to ask or not.

You don't have to share the whole story with people when they ask- Keep it simple- "the dad is choosing not to be involved" that is all they need to know- And none of their business anyways (which is also something you should be comfortable telling people as well)

You will also learn as you go on that there are a lot of women who have been in this situation before. I felt so ashamed when I learned I would be single, pregnant, & no father involvement. But so many women (some that I had known for almost my entire life) came out and told me that they were in the same situation as well. & they survived! I never knew some of these women made the same mistake I did, of sleeping with the wrong guy...

 Don't feel bad, or allow other people to make you feel bad for your situation. In the end it's an amazing blessing. Dont let them take your joy away  

good luck to you!  & congrats once again 

Lcherry937

Thanks! I really appreciate your comment. It's always nice to hear that you are not a lone ranger out there especially in this situation!

Lcherry937

I understand what you're saying about why people are concerned. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their concern. I just don't appreciate when there concern takes over every other thought or emotion they have and they have no filter on what they say to me.

 And the reason I say that I am not going to get child support or or anything is because this is what I told him. Hey, if he does change his mind and come around then I will deal with the situation as it comes. I know for a fact he would indeed be an amazing father. Like I said I've known him for almost 10 years and this is by far the last thing I EVER imagined from him but it did happen and if he wants to be a part of the babies life then of course I will let that happen. I'm just saying that in our current situation and current discussion and the fact we haven't spoke since October I have to prepare that he isn't going to be there.

I'm not going to pursue him to be a father because thats how my father was in my life. He and my mom were dating when they got pregnant with me but he didn't want another child he already had 3 almost grown children and grandchildren. He and my mom split when I was less than a year and they hated one another after that. He was in an out of my life as he felt necessary and I haven't spoken to him in almost 12 years now. So growing up in the situation and now being in this situation, the last thing I want to do is "force" someone to be a father when they don't want to be.

sanderson109

Congratulations mommy!!!!! He/she is going to be extremely blessed to have such a strong and loving mommy!!! If you're okay with the situation then that's all that matters :

blutop

Hey there, I'm a single mom by choice from the start, so I know it's a little different but trust me, I understand how it is when people react like morons to your pregnancy.  First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!  

Most people were really great with my announcement, and that's what I focused on.  As for those who weren't, which were thankfully few, I simply told them the same thing you should - this is my CHOICE. It doesn't matter if your pregnancy was unplanned because you CHOSE to go through with it and that is a choice that takes immense strength and character either way.

For those who still wouldn't be supportive, I simply made another choice... to remove them from my life.  That may seem extreme, but as a pregnant woman and single parent you will realize you don't have time for much, especially not negativity. It may seem extreme, but in reality, people will come and go throughout your life for all kinds of reasons - even friends who refuse to be fathers. Your child is forever. Focusing on being healthy in body and mind is your priority, not the feelings of other people who are unsupportive.

As for your mom, believe me, when she sees that baby for the first time, she will be OVER THE MOON and completely disregard how the baby came into your life if she hasn't already.  She was a new mom once, and she knows the joy of seeing you for the first time as a baby.  That will flood back when she sees you do the same.

Some of us choose ahead of pregnancy, and some of us choose afterward, but either way, that choice should be made with undeniable joy.  When you tell people, tell them with pride.  This isn't about HOW you got pregnant, it's about your CHOICE to bring a beautiful new person into your life, and how you plan to bring the best of yourself to that task.  If people don't understand that, then they don't understand parenting - period.  And if they won't be supportive they aren't really your friends.

Hope this helps and keep your chin up.  You are doing an amazing and selfless thing a person is capable of - and in the end you will realize that giving this gift is the greatest reward.  

smiling76

missleslielea:

Congratulations momma!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You so got this and you know it!

 

kind of lurking--and this is so true! You sound like such an intelligent, wonderful lady--and I know you're going to be an awesome mom--you are already!! congrats!