Blended Families

Sweet 16 party

I am not a huge Birthday Party mom.  I have done a few for each child but mostly it is just family and I would rather spend money on more important things the kids need.  BM has decided SD needs a sweet 16 party and is now asking my DH to help pay for it, If you want to have one fine but since you are already griping that you don't have money for gas to pick up SD 3/4 of the way between our homes I would thing maybe you should not have decided to have a party then decide how to pay for it!  I know I am being petty but it is right after the holidays and BM's anticts latley are pissing me off.

Re: Sweet 16 party

  • It's okay to say no. Especially if it is something that BM wants and not so much something SD wants. 
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  • Truthfully, I don't get the big deal about Sweet 16 parties.  I didn't have one, my sisters didn't have one, and most of my friends didn't have them either.  Maybe in some areas of the Country they're more common and expected, but here in Orange County, CA they aren't a big deal.  For my 16th birthday it happened to be the first day of school and that weekend was Labor Day weekend so everyone was out of town.  I like to think I turned out ok...

    If your DH doesn't want to (or can't) chip in, then tell BM "no".  Let BM have her party, and you and DH do something different for SD,  Let her pick a few friends and go out to a nice dinner or something she would enjoy.  Or use the money that would be spent for a party on a fabulous gift for her. 

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  • imagejobalchak:

    If your DH doesn't want to (or can't) chip in, then tell BM "no".  Let BM have her party, and you and DH do something different for SD,  Let her pick a few friends and go out to a nice dinner or something she would enjoy.  Or use the money that would be spent for a party on a fabulous gift for her. 

    This.  Exactly.

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  • What does your Step Daughter REALLY want?
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  • Has he helped in the past?  I don't think it's an unusual request.  Our family loves birthday parties, though, and we always do parties for all the boys.  Even if you don't normally do parties,  sweet 16 is a special birthday.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • My DH asked BM why she was having this huge party when she apparently can't afford it and she said "I had one so should she"  HMMM I had an atari, rode in the back of a pickup truck and seatbelts weren't a big deal when I was young, does not mean any of this is going to happen now.  The thing that really bugs me is I am not sure the SD wants this big party and there are so many other things that the money can be used for, like drivers ed, her HOSA suit and shoes...saving for a car.  BM is just under my skin bitching about how she can't afford things for SD and asking us for additional money so I am annoyed with the whole situation.  I am leaving it up to DH as to what he contributes to this party, he knows my thoughts. 
  • imagejenjen930:
    imagejobalchak:

    If your DH doesn't want to (or can't) chip in, then tell BM "no".  Let BM have her party, and you and DH do something different for SD,  Let her pick a few friends and go out to a nice dinner or something she would enjoy.  Or use the money that would be spent for a party on a fabulous gift for her. 

    This.  Exactly.

    Ditto. 

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  • imagejenjen930:
    imagejobalchak:

    If your DH doesn't want to (or can't) chip in, then tell BM "no".  Let BM have her party, and you and DH do something different for SD,  Let her pick a few friends and go out to a nice dinner or something she would enjoy.  Or use the money that would be spent for a party on a fabulous gift for her. 

    This.  Exactly.

    Ditto. 

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  • we always have to split the cost of SD's birthday partys with BM if we want to be involved. its a pain in the neck, BM calls ALL the shots and we are lucky if she gives us the correct info regarding date/place/time.  we are never allowed to invite any of our family or friends so we end up having a separate party anyway.  figure out what your SD wants.  if she is excited about the party then definitely chip in, but make sure BM knows that you will not just be the checkbook for the party, you want to help choose location, food etc and want to be able to invite people from your side that are important to SD. 
                           
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  • imageholly71087:
    we always have to split the cost of SD's birthday partys with BM if we want to be involved. its a pain in the neck, BM calls ALL the shots and we are lucky if she gives us the correct info regarding date/place/time.  we are never allowed to invite any of our family or friends so we end up having a separate party anyway.  figure out what your SD wants.  if she is excited about the party then definitely chip in, but make sure BM knows that you will not just be the checkbook for the party, you want to help choose location, food etc and want to be able to invite people from your side that are important to SD. 

    That stinks I wouldn't continue that tradition.   SM had already planned everything and then decided it was going to be expensive and asked for the money.  We live four hours apart so it is already going to cost us extra gas and hotel to even attend the party, but her friends are there so it makes sense to have it near her home.  I will just be glad when it is over.

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