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It's my 40th today :(....feeling better

HeathernStevenHeathernSteven member
in TTC after 35

I am feeling kind of sad. There is no reason for me to feel sad, we have a great day planned going to NYC Botanical Gardens, dinner out Friday night at my favorite restaurant.....

Is it because I have left my 30's behind? Is it because I started ttc at 38 and wanted a baby before i turned 40, then wanted to be ku before 40? Is it because I have an IUI scheduled for Fri or Sat.....I don't think for any birthday I have felt this sad.

I hope I snap out of it, DH can't handle another "celebration" day with me in the dumps.

But happy new year everyone!

(edit: had a nice low key day wandering about the botanical gardens looking at replica of NYC places built out of natural elements, but it was great that so many of you could understand my feelings - That was really helpful AND I told DH, don't care if we are celebrating Friday night I want my carvel cake tonight!! It's my 40th darn it!)

image
My Ovulation Chart


Me: 41 DH: 46. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11,
3 cycles clomid with Ob,
1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob,
Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12
clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN
1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN.
2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid.
3/15/13 scheduled laparoscopy & on bcp.

May 10 IUI from injectibles - BFN 

May 22 done with interventions it will either happen or it won't. 

February 2014 No longer actively trying, but not preventing. 

SURPISE BFP 4/2/2015!!!!!!!!!!

Miscarriage 4/23/15

 

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Re: It's my 40th today :(....feeling better

  • GuennieGuennie member

    I'm sorry you're feeling sad.  I will turn 40 next month and I'm absolutely dreading it.  I never cared about my age before, but now that I have lost 3 pregnancies in the past year everything has changed.  I feel like I'm running out of time.

    My husband doesn't understand either.  I don't think they are able to have any concept of just how hard this is for a woman.

    I hope you will have some good news in this new year and you can celebrate instead of being sad!  So sorry for what you are going through.  Happy Birthday!

    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
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  • Butterflykisses73Butterflykisses73 member

    Happy Birthday!! I turn 40 this year too and I keep telling myself it's just a number. It means nothing, bad thing is for us dealing with fertility issues it means alot...

    Hope you enjoy your celebration, or at least try too!

    Me:39 DH:35, trying for our first baby! Proud mom to 3 boys, 18,13, and 8 yrs old image
    My Ovulation Chart     || Ovulation Tracker
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  • gopackmomgopackmom
    Happy Birthday! I hope you are able to enjoy your special day!
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  • jchow009jchow009 member
    Happy Birthday and enjoy your day! 
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  • LlamamamaLlamamama member

    Party!!! Happy Birthday!  I know how you feel.. I remember my 40th was not a happy day for me either because I too had plans.  1st to give birth before 40.  Then to be KU by 40.  Now I am zooming towards 41 (Feb) just hoping to be KU by then...but not holding my breath.  :(

    TRY to enjoy your day, wishing you a very happy one! Cake

    Me: 40 Dh: 41, TTC since August 2009, began Acupuncture and Herbs Sept 2011, began Temping and Charting Nov 2011. image
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  • robbensmrobbensm member
    Sorry you are down in the dumps on your birthday.  Lots of hugs and take some time today to count your blessings.  Fingers crossed that this is your year!
    Me 39 & suspected PCOS, DH 42. Went off BCP when we got married in 11/11, seriously TTC since 3/12.  Six cycles of clomid = BFNs.  Suspected endometriosis & HSG showed both tubes blocked.  Sept 2013 IVF 5D transfer of two perfect embryos = BFN.  Started acupuncture and taking time off to drop some pounds & get healthier before FET in April 2014.
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  • QzeesQzees
    Happy Birthday.  I am sorry you are feeling down.  I guess you had high hopes by the time you turned 40 & feel let down.  Age is only a number, (except when it comes to TTC).  I say start counting backwards LOL.  In all seriousness, try to celebrate & enjoy.  I am 42, going on 43 in a few months & I don't feel old except when I think of ttgp.
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  • kelley72kelley72 member
    I can relate!  I was 40 in July... no + yet.  I hope your year is filled with love and laughter - big time t & p for you to conceive soon!  Just know you aren't alone
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  • PPL2011PPL2011 member
    I understand how you feel...was hope for a baby before 40. I turn 41.5 in a couple of weeks. You're not alone, we are all in this together and trying our best. It's all we can do. Enjoy as best you can! ((HUGS))

     

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  • BeckyP005BeckyP005 member

    Happy Birthday to you! We all can relate on feeling sad at one time or another. Big hugs and try to enjoy your day because you never know what unexpected issue might arise from out of nowhere.

    Fingers crossed for you on your IUI!! My 40th I had a blast. MH surprised me by dragging all my non country music friends to a country bar to help me celebrate.

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

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  • AlicialgbAlicialgb member
    Don't feel bad, 40 is the new 20! :-)  Welcome to the club.  40 is all about opportunities and possibilities--here's to 2013 and your year of positives.  When you look back on this, year 40 is going to be your favorite.  Happy birthday!!

    me:40; DH:41; 4/30/12 1st visit with RE; 6/30/12 IUI #1 BFN; 7/19/12 IUI cancelled (overmedicated); 8/2/12 IUI cancelled (cyst); 9/1/12 IUI #2 BFP! EDD 5/28/13; 10/9/12 1st U/S at 7w3d--missed m/c (trisomy 16) D&C 10/19/12; karyotyping results normal!; 1/31/13 IUI #3 BFP! EDD 10/25/13 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers
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  • brooklynesquebrooklynesque member
    Happy birthday!!  I love the NY botanical gardens, glad you had a nice day there.
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  • chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    Happy Birthday! I'm glad you were able to turn lemons into lemonade, at least for the day. I know how hard it is.

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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