Pregnant after a Loss

When did you get over PGAL brain and do a registry?

I feel like this is inevitable, so I'm doing the research on it now. It's still a challenge to take the plunge and actually register. This is long, so bless you if you read through it.



With our son a decade ago, we didn't have a shower. We were going to, but then two emergencies (one with us and one with the person who was throwing the shower) threw a wrench in our plans. We ended up buying most of the big stuff ourselves, and then getting a sh!t ton of stuff we didn't need or want from well meaning family and friends. We literally got stuff in triplicate. We got an abundance of clothes, most of which went unworn and ended up donated. DH and I were planning on just making all the baby purchases this time ourselves again.

So here we are, many years later, with a child of a different gender, so two of my best friends are insistent we get a shower. I was very resistant and outright said "NO", but they're wearing me down. I also am sure that people will be buying us stuff again, and I dread the room full of stuff we won't need or want.  I'm hoping to keep the shower very small, and then if people other than those invitees ask where we are registered, we'll let the out-of-town family and close friends know about the registry, and just tell others, "We have everything we need, thank you!" and pray they don't decide to send something on their own. 

I am still not at a point where I feel comfortable registering. I told DH I might feel better in a couple of weeks after the anatomy scan, to which he replied, "At some point, you have to accept the fact that there is a baby coming."  I know intellectually he's right, it's just hard to accept emotionally. 

When did you finally feel ok about registering?

Here's a nice assortment of fresh cut fruit if you read this far.




Re: When did you get over PGAL brain and do a registry?

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    Technically I'm still not over PGAL brain, heh, but I registered a few weeks after our anatomy scan. I had to make sure that things looked okay in there before I volunteered my address and email to babies r us, etc. I was probably 2223 weeks when we went.
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    I just responded on 2nd trimester ... Now to answer this question! Ha.

    I actually started putting together a list of what I would like on Amazon this weekend. Nothing concrete, and I've made it private. We won't officially register until after our A/S on Jan. 30, although we are having an elective ultrasound this Friday. (But mainly for peace of mind so we can tell our families and closest friends we are expecting again. We decided to wait until WAY into this pregnancy to share our news, and boy am I hopeful and ready!)

    I keep reminding myself that nothing we do can jinx our pregnancies, and now that I'm starting to feel some flutters, I figured it was time to get excited! I'm thrilled your friends want you to have a shower, you deserve it. Not to mention, it's good to register and get the completion discount!

    EDT: But just to add, I won't get over PGAL brain until my living, breathing, healthy baby is in my arms.

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    We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.

    “So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
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    I started adding little things here and there online a few weeks ago and DH and I went to Babies R Us this week and added a few items. We ended up finding a car seat that was 75% off because it was "last season" so I am very happy we ended up going! I have found the whole process overwhelming and I feel like doing a good chunk online beforehand made the process easier. Maybe you can just take baby steps like me and it won't feel so scary :)
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    I'm still not over PGAL brain.

    That said, I actually started a private registry on Amazon before we had our loss. I was at a phase in my life where I was literally going to an average of one baby shower every month, so I had plenty of time to start getting ideas and advice from people as to what were the best brands of XYZ, what were the must-haves, etc., etc. I also follow a lot of blogs, and many had lists of their top registry items. Long story short, at around 6 weeks pregnant with our first, I decided to just put all that knowledge into one place.

    Then we had our loss, and I didn't look at the registry again until about a year later. I think maybe we were around 12 weeks along with this one before I could finally bear to look at it again. Some stuff was discontinued, and my tastes had changed with a few other things, so I made some adjustments, but much of it stayed the same from where it was a year ago. Just before Christmas I finally opened it up and made it non-private in case anyone wanted to buy anything off our registry for Christmas (though I only told my mom about it, so it was mostly in case anyone specifically went searching).

    Like I said, I'm still terrified, but I do find the registry stuff helpful for keeping your own running list. We have yet to go into a store with a scanner, and I honestly have no desire to do that, though! Don't know if that's a product of PGAL brain, or if that's just me generally hating stores like BRU. :)

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    When we lost DS we were about 20 weeks.. This time I wouldn't even look at BRU before then and we didn't register until after we had a successful AS- actually 2, one at 18 weeks and one at about 21 I believe. I still worry and I've only got 61 days to go - but after I saw her on the AS I felt a smidge better.

    Hope this helps a bit.. :o

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    Honestly, I think I've taken over my pgal brain. I know it's possible for something to still happen, but I've never made it remotely this far and just trying to keep positive. I startedy registry over the weekend but have yet to put anything on it. I was just killing time the other day. We won't really add anything until we know what we are having.

    Hope that helps from my side. Happy new year!

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    I didn't start buying really anything until after our anatomy scan at 20 weeks....and even then I had to start off doing it online, going into the stores was too overwhelming.

    Remember that you are not going to jinx anything pretty lady and just take your time...for me, adding things online just seemed easier somehow, so maybe you could try doing that first?

    And thanks for the yummy fruit!! 

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    I created an Amazon registry around maybe 12 weeks, but it was set to private and solely for the purpose of helping me keep track of the "OMG you need this item" items that I would see on TB.

    I made it public a week after the anatomy scan, and created the Target registry around week 24. 

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    we registered at 21 wks just recently.  We have a really small place and we're team green so DH told me I needed to find other things to register for....  so we're also registered for a bunch of books on amazon. 
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    I am 33 weeks and still haven't registered.... But I started buying some things after 20 weeks. I eased into it, starting with some onesies then moved onto the other stuff. Taking my time the way I did really helped me to start letting PGAL brain go on that end. Good luck mama! 
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    I just started mine yesterday (27 weeks). It still makes me very nervous.

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    Mother to DD, born sleeping on 9/28/11, and DS, born 3/12/13, 5lbs 13oz, 19in
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    Give our history with bad anatomy scans, I wouldn't even consider starting a registry until our a/s, and possibly (I think) after our fetal echo.  I know it's sort of bitchy of me, but sometimes I roll my eyes at the people who (there are one or 2 on my home board) that started their registries at like, 12 weeks.  It's like,'s WAY too early.  But that is my pgal brain.  I think it's reasonable to wait until after your a/s, but do it when ever you feel comfortable (or, just eventually force yourself, haha).

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    I finally felt comfortable after the A/S.
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    Thanks everyone for your feedback. We have the AS in 10 days, so hopefully we will go out to Buy Buy Baby that weekend. We've already started researching and I put a few things on the Amazon list today. One of my best friends got me a Prima Pappa high chair, and another got me some clothes, and I realized that I should probably register and get a handle on things before our parents and other relatives start doing the same. Sometimes I feel like other people are more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled, but I'm also apprehensive about all of it. 


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    I did mine aroune 26 weeks.  I still didn't really feel comfortable, and can honestly say that I am still not over my PgAL fears.  However, I think if I waited any longer my MIL would have strung me up, LOL!  She actually started shopping the second we finished (literally).  I think she was waiting at her local store for the phone call that we had done the registry. 

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    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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