May 2013 Moms

Surprisingly disappointed...

Today I had my 20 week U/S and at the last minute my DH decided he wanted to find out what the sex of the baby was. We had disagreed the whole pregnancy on whether or not find, I wanted to but he didn't.

Well we did find out and much to my surprise I was disappointed with the news. We are having a girl and Idk, I guess I was totally feeling boy, probably because I wanted a boy for my first. I knew that I might be just a tad bummed if it was a girl but I'm having a harder time with it than I thought.

I feel so guilty right now, I've been tearing up since this morning when we had the apt. I know that the MOST important thing is that our baby looks completely healthy which I am so grateful for. I just did not expect to feel this way. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Did anyone else feel this way with this pregnancy or a previous pregnancy? I hope my attitude changes really soon. I don't want to feel this way at all, I feel just terrible.

Re: Surprisingly disappointed...

  • You're allowed to feel disappointed, regardless of what you see flamed here, it's common. Yes, we're all wishing for a healthy baby, but you're not alone in feeling a little down when reality doesn't match expectations. I'm the oldest in my family and I'm a girl, and i just always saw myself having a girl first. No good reason for thinking that, just the picture i had in my head. I was a little disappointed when we found out that our first was a boy, but i got over it very quickly and it was exciting and fun all over again.

    I hope your disappointment passes quickly.
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  • imagejerseygirl81:
    You're allowed to feel disappointed, regardless of what you see flamed here, it's common. Yes, we're all wishing for a healthy baby, but you're not alone in feeling a little down when reality doesn't match expectations. I'm the oldest in my family and I'm a girl, and i just always saw myself having a girl first. No good reason for thinking that, just the picture i had in my head. I was a little disappointed when we found out that our first was a boy, but i got over it very quickly and it was exciting and fun all over again. I hope your disappointment passes quickly.

    I typed out a whole paragraph and then deleted because it wasn't coming across how I wanted it too.

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  • Health is the only thing that matters when it comes to the baby, but I for some reason really wanted a girl but knew it was a boy. It is a boy and I was a little sad for about 10 min and then i was over it. Once you name her i think It will set in and you won't know what to do with all your excitement. Now that we call him by name and have a few boy things I couldn't be happier.
  • I think it's just blatant, unabashed gender disappointment that would get you flamed. You feel guilty and bad about it so I think a little disappointment mixed with some guilt is perfectly normal. You are grateful your baby is healthy and that really is the most important thing. Perhaps you never let yourself imagine what it would be like to have a girl first. Once you have had time to think about it, you will see how much you are looking forward to meeting your baby girl.
  • imagecaymarks:

    imagejerseygirl81:
    You're allowed to feel disappointed, regardless of what you see flamed here, it's common. Yes, we're all wishing for a healthy baby, but you're not alone in feeling a little down when reality doesn't match expectations. I'm the oldest in my family and I'm a girl, and i just always saw myself having a girl first. No good reason for thinking that, just the picture i had in my head. I was a little disappointed when we found out that our first was a boy, but i got over it very quickly and it was exciting and fun all over again. I hope your disappointment passes quickly.

    I typed out a whole paragraph and then deleted because it wasn't coming across how I wanted it too.


    This!Yes



    This! I was sad for a bit when I found out this baby was a boy because I wanted DD to have a sister. I have such a close relationship with my sister and I was hoping she could have the same thing. I have started looking at little boy stuff and getting excited.


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  • imageMotherMayEye:
    I think it's just blatant, unabashed gender disappointment that would get you flamed. You feel guilty and bad about it so I think a little disappointment mixed with some guilt is perfectly normal. You are grateful your baby is healthy and that really is the most important thing. Perhaps you never let yourself imagine what it would be like to have a girl first. Once you have had time to think about it, you will see how much you are looking forward to meeting your baby girl.

    This, exactly. If you came on here throwing a tantrum because your perfectly healthy baby doesn't have a penis, you'd get flamed up and down. You feel guilty, though. You know that health is the most important thing. It's normal to feel a twinge of disappointment when our expectations don't match reality.

    I have gone through hell to get the baby I am carrying, and I truly said I didn't care either way. But even I will admit that I felt a twinge of sadness for the daughter I might never have when we found out it was a boy. I am over the moon to be having a boy, and I think I would have felt the same sadness about the boy I might never have, if we had found out it was a girl.

    Like others have said, I'm sure you'll start getting excited soon once it sinks in. Congrats on your baby girl!

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  • imagebananers:

    imageMotherMayEye:
    I think it's just blatant, unabashed gender disappointment that would get you flamed. You feel guilty and bad about it so I think a little disappointment mixed with some guilt is perfectly normal. You are grateful your baby is healthy and that really is the most important thing. Perhaps you never let yourself imagine what it would be like to have a girl first. Once you have had time to think about it, you will see how much you are looking forward to meeting your baby girl.

    This, exactly. If you came on here throwing a tantrum because your perfectly healthy baby doesn't have a penis, you'd get flamed up and down. You feel guilty, though. You know that health is the most important thing. It's normal to feel a twinge of disappointment when our expectations don't match reality.

    I have gone through hell to get the baby I am carrying, and I truly said I didn't care either way. But even I will admit that I felt a twinge of sadness for the daughter I might never have when we found out it was a boy. I am over the moon to be having a boy, and I think I would have felt the same sadness about the boy I might never have, if we had found out it was a girl.

    Like others have said, I'm sure you'll start getting excited soon once it sinks in. Congrats on your baby girl!

    I just wanted to echo this!  I'm having a girl (and totally excited about it), but that being said, I also felt some sadness that I will probably never have a son.  I think I would have felt that exact same sadness if I was having a boy. 

    Give yourself a reasonable amount of time for a pity party... and then start looking at all the fun girly stuff.  Go buy some pink outfits and imagine all the fun things you can do together, mommy daughter style.  And always remember, you could end up with a tomboy - and still get to do all the traditional "boy" stuff with her!!

  • As a PP mentioned, I was a bit dissappointed to find out it was a boy since I dreamed of my DD having a sister.

    That being said, I am in love with the idea of this baby and now can't wait to meet him.  I think the dissappointment fades very fast...

    If it makes a difference, being already a mom to a girl, they are tons of fun! I love how sweet and feisty she can be and just how adorable they are.  Give yourself a couple of days and you'll notice that you'll start noticing cute girly things to do or have her wear!

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  • Ditto what PP have said...it will probably take you a tiny while to start re imagining your life with a girl. Try to think about all the fun a girl will be, and don't beat yourself up for feeling a little disappointed things aren't what you imagined. Give it a couple of days. And congrats on your healthy little girl! :) 

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  • As long as the disappointment dosent last, I think it's pretty common.   Lingering sad feelings might be a different story.  Health is always first, and it seems that you understand that.

    I had convinced myself that I was carrying a boy.  I honestly didnt care which it was, I just knew it was a boy.  When the doc said girl, it took a minute to switch gears.  

    There are wonderful things about about each sex. Congrats on the little girl!


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  • My disappointment lasted about a day. Then DH started shopping for pink camo items and I was looking at little girls clothes and it was over. It also helped that DH had his heart set on a name for a girl and we started calling her that.

    You'll come around. Give yourself a day or two to get over the shock and then you will be excited.

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  • imagebananers:

    But even I will admit that I felt a twinge of sadness for the daughter I might never have when we found out it was a boy. I am over the moon to be having a boy, and I think I would have felt the same sadness about the boy I might never have, if we had found out it was a girl.

    This make so much sense to me. With DD, I felt like she was a girl and she definitely was but there was a part of me missing the chance of the boy I didn't have then. Still, I was super excited! This time, I thought it was a boy and he indeed is. I am also ecstatic about this but there is a little hint of missing the opportunity for another girl. I tried to explain to DH what I meant by these feelings but I couldn't word it properly I guess. It's such a whirlwind of emotions all at once. Still, in the end, I am over the moon for my little boy! 

    I hope things progress to more happiness in the future. It's fine to have the feelings. It's not ok to let it take over your happiness. I think you are in a healthy place. Congratulations on your little girl! I bet you are going to love raising her!! 

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  • As long as this disappointment isn't all consuming, I think it's normal.  This baby is another girl and I'm thrilled that my DD will have a sister.  But there's a very real chance this is our last child so I've had twinges of disappointment that I may never have a son. 
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  • Like pps said give it a little time and start looking at girly stuff. That changed things in my mind like a snap. I swear I found a cute bedding set and I was all the sudden okay! Now I'm over the moon excited for my little girl and go to bed dreaming about how to decorate her nursery!
  • imageMotherMayEye:
    I think it's just blatant, unabashed gender disappointment that would get you flamed. You feel guilty and bad about it so I think a little disappointment mixed with some guilt is perfectly normal. You are grateful your baby is healthy and that really is the most important thing. Perhaps you never let yourself imagine what it would be like to have a girl first. Once you have had time to think about it, you will see how much you are looking forward to meeting your baby girl.

    This. 

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  • I am already feeling much better about it today. I've been looking at the u/s pics and at adorable baby girl clothes, bedding, etc and I feel totally different. My favorite picture is definitely the one we got of her sucking her thumb. I mean, how cool is that? She also appears to have an adorable little nose :)

    Thanks for the support ladies. I'm glad I'm not a total a$$hole for feeling bummed momentarily.

  • imagejerseygirl81:
    You're allowed to feel disappointed, regardless of what you see flamed here, it's common. Yes, we're all wishing for a healthy baby, but you're not alone in feeling a little down when reality doesn't match expectations. I'm the oldest in my family and I'm a girl, and i just always saw myself having a girl first. No good reason for thinking that, just the picture i had in my head. I was a little disappointed when we found out that our first was a boy, but i got over it very quickly and it was exciting and fun all over again. I hope your disappointment passes quickly.

    Perfectly said!  

    When I found out I was having a second boy,  I did cry a little as well.  I am sure I'll love my little boy,  but I still sometimes feel bummed when I think about the things I used to do with my mom.  I then started thinking about how much DS1 will enjoy having a brother who is close to him in age.  I bought matching boy onesies,  much to the chagrin of DH and started to get excited about the idea. 

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  • I know the feeling. This is my second time around, I already have a handsome son who is 7. This time I and everyone else was really hoping it was a girl. At 17 weeks I found out it was a boy. I cried here and there for several days. I cried even more for feeling guilty about the way I reacted. Sometimes I still get bummed out about it. However, since then it has gotten better. I don't think I will totally be over it until I can hold and see my LO in May. It's just something about holding your baby in your arms that makes you forget about your disappointment that you had early on in your pregnancy. 

     Just give it time those feelings will pass and It gets easier!


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    er 19, 2009
  • I think it's normal to have a bit of disappointment when you think the baby is one sex or you were hoping for one in particular. The fact that you feel guilty shows that it will be no time before you are completely on board. I was in shock when I found out we were having a boy, because I thought baby was a she. I've wrapped my head around it and could not be more excited!
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