Conceiving 2 Question.

Princess_Lily

DH is hesitant this time around regarding conceiving a second child/sibling for DS a little more than when we made the decision to conceive DS.

I'm a little more nervous too, because of how my body reacted the first time swelling, 50lb. Weight gain...but I told him we can't wait for this "perfect timing" bigger house, better pay... we should just do our best because if we wait until the perfect time it may be too late.

I think because we know what we are getting ourselves into, and knowing what is the jist of having a baby entails we are both scared but willing to say screw it.

Is this normal when you guys were ttc 2?

grace_smith03

All very common fears...and as you know, it's all worth it.  

 

Good luck! 

PrimRoseMama

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

Princess_Lily

He said that he is on board, but he still has fears about providing for our family, which I totally understand. He knows if we wait too long, we may miss our chance to have more kids in the future. Ya know? We're in a Catch22.

I'm predicting several months before we conceive due to our busy and physically demanding schedules...we will see though.

I don't want to talk to friends/family about this because there isn't anything to say right now. I just didn't know if this was a common emotion coming from some parents in similar situations.

Five_letter

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

This.

I wish more people thought through the reality of bringing a child into this world before ttc.

How realistic are his concerns with your overall situation?

dreadiemama

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

I really don't understand this perspective that much. If you already had one kid then I would ass-ume that you already have big ticket items and maybe clothes (unless you bought gender specific) for hand me downs.

 Maybe I'm naivee, or maybe it's because I live in a rural community where big families are common. I really don't hear about multiple kids costing much more until they turn into snot nosed teenagers and each one wants an ipad (or whatever) for xmas, new clothes, spending money etc. 

Unless you are talking daycare, then my argument is completely moot... Since that is a lot more expensive the more kids you have.

 

PrimRoseMama

dreadiemama:

I really don't understand this perspective that much. If you already had one kid then I would ass-ume that you already have big ticket items and maybe clothes (unless you bought gender specific) for hand me downs.

Unless you are talking daycare, then my argument is completely moot... Since that is a lot more expensive the more kids you have.

Its not just about when the kid is born. Prenatal care and L&D can be expensive even if you are insured. Not to mention that if BF doesn't work out formula is expensive as heck. Diapers too. It adds up quick when you have two or more in diapers. Add the solids at 6 months (even if you make your own baby food) and it gets more expensive. Then there is clothes that even if you get them at places that are cheap like good will can cost a lot. 

You might not hear about it from the people who have big families, but there is a significant cost to growing your family.  

ASmallWonder

Definitely had these same fears  There's a difference between "we would have to overhaul our entire way of life to find the money for a second" and "we need to tighten our belts and won't be able to do whatever the hell we want with so much of our income."  Ultimately, though, I told DH to think about the future.  If he saw our family as complete with 1 child, that was it.  If he honestly felt it was in our future to have more than 1, we had to look at what was a common fear vs what was a legit concern and here we are

To the poster who said multiple kids don't cost much more.  Yikes, totally a matter of personal situations.  Our first didn't cost much for "start up" either because our friends and family were very generous at our showers.  We've kept all those big items.  This baby will need furniture, formula and diapers.  Those are costs we can't avoid.  Then there are the ongoing costs like doctor copays, daycare if you use it, dentist visits, sports/activities as they get older, before/after school care/camps.  The list goes on and on.  Sure, I don't have to  buy another car seat or pack n play but baby #2 is most definitely going to impact our finances. 

Momma2Michelle

dreadiemama:

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

I really don't understand this perspective that much. If you already had one kid then I would ass-ume that you already have big ticket items and maybe clothes (unless you bought gender specific) for hand me downs.

 Maybe I'm naivee, or maybe it's because I live in a rural community where big families are common. I really don't hear about multiple kids costing much more until they turn into snot nosed teenagers and each one wants an ipad (or whatever) for xmas, new clothes, spending money etc. 

Unless you are talking daycare, then my argument is completely moot... Since that is a lot more expensive the more kids you have.

 

It's the cost of daycare that was the huge factor for us. One kid in daycare costs us 820 every 4 weeks. Adding an infant in daycare increases that to 1720 a month. Pretty significant difference. This is the reason we planned baby#2 the way we did. DD will head off to Kindergarten the same month I return from maternity leave. We will still have after school care and summer care expenses for DD, but it will be a smaller cost. 

gemini2005

My DH was also a little hesitant when it came to having another baby.  I quit my job so I could stay at home with DS so for us it's better to have another one now so I can return to work when they are in school.  If we would have waited, it would just prolong me going back to work and therefore having less money in the long run.  He agreed so here we are! 

Liz4444

dreadiemama:

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

I really don't understand this perspective that much. If you already had one kid then I would ass-ume that you already have big ticket items and maybe clothes (unless you bought gender specific) for hand me downs.

 Maybe I'm naivee, or maybe it's because I live in a rural community where big families are common. I really don't hear about multiple kids costing much more until they turn into snot nosed teenagers and each one wants an ipad (or whatever) for xmas, new clothes, spending money etc. 

Unless you are talking daycare, then my argument is completely moot... Since that is a lot more expensive the more kids you have.

 

Well, if your timing is anything like mine, yes, we have the big ticket items, but my child is still using them, so yes, we will need new nursery furniture, a double stroller, etc.

At 6 months, children start eating solids, food isn't free. Then, there is nursery school, that starts at 2 years old. I just saw the price list for where we are sending our child... Not cheap. They also need health insurance.

I don't care where you live or how many hand me downs you have, kids are not free, the more you have, the more expensive it is.

nyki06

I had severe morning sickness with my first so it was a really hard choice to have another. I wasn't sure if my body, mind, or emotions could handle another pregnancy and we were considering stopping after one (although that was never the plan). We tried for 9 months to get pregnant with my daughter and then this pregnancy was a one time "oops" and we were pregnant! This pregnancy was worse than the first. I lost 20lbs in two weeks and was on Home Health Care with IV fluids all day every day and a toddler to take care of. I do have to say that now that I've made it through the really horrible part of this pregnancy and am still alive, I'm SO excited for this baby! This womb is officially closed for business once this baby is out but I'm glad I'll have two. 

bumpuser8448316

dreadiemama:

PrimRoseMama:

Yes. More children = more mouths to feed, butts to clothe and such. Sometimes husbands [or wives] have some doubts. That being said, if your husband isn't 100 percent on board then I might consider waiting to TTC until he feels more confident.

I really don't understand this perspective that much. If you already had one kid then I would ass-ume that you already have big ticket items and maybe clothes (unless you bought gender specific) for hand me downs.

 Maybe I'm naivee, or maybe it's because I live in a rural community where big families are common. I really don't hear about multiple kids costing much more until they turn into snot nosed teenagers and each one wants an ipad (or whatever) for xmas, new clothes, spending money etc. 

Unless you are talking daycare, then my argument is completely moot... Since that is a lot more expensive the more kids you have.

 

You are extremely naive. Of course each kid costs more! What if you have two in diapers? Your diaper costs just went up. What if you have 2 under 2? You just bought yourself a second crib.  Each kid needs it's own car seat, so there's more $$ out the window. Had a boy first and then a girl? All new clothes for baby #2.  And the shoes....kids outgrow shoes quickly, and it's totally unreasonable to assume you'll pass every single thing down from kid to kid. They wear out, or they wear different sizes, etc.

Do you not plan on feeding your kids? Because when DS went to table foods around 8 months, our grocery bill increased by about $50 a month. Not bad, right? Then after he turned one and became a full time eater, our grocery bill went up over $100.

Not to mention healthcare, dental care, vision care. Doctor co-pays, medications, etc.