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Please tell me there's life after divorce
That's all...just need some encouragement and to hear others' stories. I have two young children and I just can't imagine ever dating or getting married again, who would want to deal with this mess?
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Re: Please tell me there's life after divorce
XH and I married in 2002 and split in 2006. We did the whole 'let's take a couple weeks and figure out what we want' thing. Yeah. While DS and I went to my parents' house, XH left his ring, disappeared and told me what he did wasn't my business anymore. He also cleaned out most of our accounts and didn't pay any bills.
The first few weeks were awful. I did a lot of sitting on my parents' couch and crying. I remember walking around the neighborhood again and again talking with my youngest sister.
I'd say it took me six weeks to get past the initial round of being sad that my marriage was over. Some of that was because I filed for divorce, and what started out friendly and uncontested went super acrimonious. So in a way, I just didn't have the emotional energy to be sad anymore.
I spent the next year or so dealing with the divorce, dealing with my part in my failed marriage, and dealing with being a single mom.
About 3 months after I split w/ XH I started dating very VERY casually. I just wanted to go out with someone new and get my mind off things. It was helpful for me to talk to people who didn't know XH. I dated all different types of men. Like I said in your earlier post, I think only 2 walked away because they were not interested in a single mom. None of these guys ever met DS.
DH and I were acquaintances before my split w/ XH. We sort of slowly became better friends starting in maybe mid-2007. In Jan 2008 I realized I liked him and told him. By Feb 2008 he realized he liked me back.
We got married in June 2009 and are very, very happy. My second marriage does not even compare to my first.
I am going to suggest a book to you. I have been told to read this book 3 times by 3 different people in the last 5 years. I'm finally getting around to reading it, and it's helped me develop a better attitude about my life and the potential that is there.
It's called "The Law of Attraction". If you can get past the first chapter, the rest is extremely helpful in helping you channel positive things and bringing those things into your life. By saying "who would want this mess" and thinking negatively, you are essentially projecting out to everyone that you are a mess and you will receive negative things. If you believe you are deserving and have aspirations about positive and wonderful things in your life, you will receive those things.
I don't know your story, but I do understand that you are going thru a tough time. It takes time to heal from whatever pain you are going thru, but it is possible to be happy again if you want better and you work hard at moving on.
It really does get better. XH and I divorced in 2008. He was having an affair (with the girl he's now married to) while I was pg with our DS. It was most definitely not the life I signed up for. I'm not going to lie, it was the hardest time in my life. But I chose to work on myself. I went to therapy, decided to start graduate school, and now I'm a therapist for other women. I married my DH last year after us being friends for about 12 years. He knows my ex, and he's embraced the co parenting lifestyle. He's better to me than I could have ever asked for, and I'm so incredibly thankful that my path led to him. We are expecting our first baby together in 3 weeks!
It's so hard when you're in the thick of it. But you can make good choices, and good choices will breed a great life for you. Just know you're not alone. It gets SO MUCH BETTER.
My second marriage does not even compare to my first.