My sister lost her baby and now I am pregnant

lauralutgens23

Hello,

My sister lost her baby at 4 months pregnant last week right around Christmas.  I am not sure how I am going to tell her that I am pregnant now.  I feel so guilty.

Any thoughts on how she will take it or how I should break the news? 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

So sorry for your sister's loss.  I would suggest telling her via email or text message.  This way she can have whatever reaction she needs to without hurting your feelings.  And please be understanding if she chooses to keep her distance from you, physically for a while.  Also, please do not call her and complain about your pregnancy symptoms.  Nothing annoys loss mommies more than people complaining about pregnancy.

bunnybun4

i lost my baby about the same place your sister did.  I agree with PP, do NOT complain about pregnancy symptoms. 

I may call and tell her over the phone or get your mom or someone else to tell her.  It is going to hurt her REALLY bad...and that really isn't something that anyone can help or control.  I've found that as time has gone on I am fine seeing babies but seeing pregnant people or hearing about pregnancies is REALLY hard for me.  My SIL is pregnant and is due a month before I was...it really hurts when family talks about her pregnancy in front of me.  I saw her on Saturday and was suprisingly ok with seeing her bump....i did have to leave the room when anyone started asking her about the pregnancy. 

like I said...it is prob. going to be a big blow for her so just be sensitive and don't take it personally.

HullGut

Hello,

 I feel so sad for your sister and her baby. I lost my son at 40 weeks about 7 weeks ago. My SIL is 38 weeks pregnant right now. She had a really hard time with my loss and I tried really hard to not push it on her. She has a lot of anxiety and guilt right now. I did go to her shower and it was really hard but she is my SIL and I want to support her. I am happy for her and for my new little niece to be born. We had a good conversation about how if the roles were reversed she would not want to take any of my joy away so she should not feel guilty at all. Good luck and congrats to you. Please don't be too hard on yourself and just remember to call and check on your sister as much as you can. It means alotgo me when anyone tells me they are thinking of Hunter.

 

racheldj423

I lost my son a little over 38 weeks (he lived for 2 days).  If one of my sisters-in-law were pregnant, I would want her to tell me face to face.  Let her know that you understand it's hard for her to hear the news, and that you in no way want to hurt her.  Be careful what you talk about around her--don't talk about your pregnancy too much.  Ask her if there's anything you can do to make her more comfortable around you, especially when you start showing.  There's always a bit of jealously when I see of hear of other women who are pregnant, and I'm sure she'll feel the same way.  As she starts to heal and learns to cope with her loss, she'll be able to handle the situation a little better.  If you are able to wait a month or so, it may be better to wait, since her loss was so recent.  The first few weeks of losing a baby can be extremely overwhelming from emotions. 

Hope this helps a little bit.  No matter what you do, it will be hard for her to hear the news.