I see this being an issue in the future. *Birthday* — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

I see this being an issue in the future. *Birthday*

So, of course Christmas was yesterday and my little angel received more than I can imagine. And her birthday is only in January (granted at the end) but she has so many toys I don't think 30-40 days she's going to need more at all.

I still wish to celebrate her first year and of course clothes are always welcome and diapers but we simply can't afford to get anymore toys. There's no room left in our living room! And most were bought consignment so its hard to say for us to return the extras.  

What is a kind way to state on the invitation cards no toys needed? I know there will still be those who have to buy her a toy but her birthday is slam on top of Christmas. And, next year I think I am going to request 1-2 things for Christmas for her that way she can have more for her birthday. Honestly. Anything within 2 months of Christmas seems to make it difficult does it not? 

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Re: I see this being an issue in the future. *Birthday*

  • I've seen invitations for baby showers that say something along the lines of "We're building Baby's library, please bring your favorite childrens book signed with your name on the inside"

     That wording probably isn't the greatest, but you get the point.

    I don't see the problem in requesting right on the invite that guests don't bring gifts that are toys, but our LO's party will be just our immediate families and my best friends, so I wouldn't have a problem telling any of them that anyways.

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  • Our DDs birthday is Jan 11th so even more on top of Christmas. 

    We have a storage unit and rotate things out frequently.  I maintain a wish list for both (soon all 3) kids (and DH and I too).  We keep it up to date all year and offer it without pushing or if asked what to get.

    I think this year, DD will be 3, we'll get her a swing set for the back yard and maybe something small.  She'll get other stuff from family members.  DSs birthday is in February and I think for him we'll put a larger sandbox in so that they can both play more pleasantly.  Again, he will get more presents to open from family.

    I guess in short, you'll find a way to manage it :-)

    Oh, I go through all the presents and stick some of it away right off the bat for later in the year when DD is more age appropriate to whatever it is.

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  • No, it is tacky to in any way dictate the types of gifts you receive. If you receive toys you do not want, exchange them for whatever you want. Or donate them, or whatever. But don't tell people what they can or can't buy you generously for your LO.
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  • Or ask for experiences with family members, like a day at the zoo or park.  Baby sitting for a night so that you can go out.  These are all nice items that don't take up space.

    We also ask for cash.  I know it's tacky.  However, everytime we get cash for our daughter, I deposit that money into her savings account or transfer the amount from our checking account.  You could also start a college savings account with the money.

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  • DS has a 1/17 birthday so I can relate. He got a ton of stuff for Christmas from my brother. They went CRAZY. I am totally swimming in toys now. 

    You can just keep them in a closet and bring them out over the next year maybe. I'm looking up ideas for toy organization today! Also, for his birthday's (down the road not this year really) we are thinking of making it more an event present - like taking a trip or doing something special.  


  • OP, my advice? You need to be grateful that you have the opportunity to donate many gently-used toys to children who aren't as fortunate as your daughter.

    What you do NOT need is to tell people on an invitation what to buy as a gift, for your daughter or anyone else. When people ask in person or on the phone, you can feel free to say something like, "Oh, she was lucky to get all the toys she wanted for Christmas, but she could use size XYZ clothes..."

    Of course, if charity isn't your thing (and I'm betting it isn't, since donating should have been an obvious Plan A), you can just put extras in your "Shop At Home and Save" basket for other children's birthdays, which is like money in your pocket.

    And yes, I am sick of posts saying, "We have too much stuff so I wish people would buy only exactly what we want rather than generously buying extras all the time!" Give your extras to charity. Get a receipt and write it off on your taxes if you want cash. Sell it on craigslist if you want cash now. But do not make your guests beholden to your almighty wish list. Gifts are about the gesture and the thought, and not about your convenience or about saving you money buying things yourself.

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  • I honestly didn't ask for anything for LO this year.

    All the toys we received were from the grandaparents. If I donate the toys they just bought they will both be upset with me.

    I want to let her play with them all and we can manage what we have now but if they (the grandparents) go all out on her birthday we will be swimming in it. And considering they both consign shop I cant return. I find it rude to ask for a receipt.

    My  mom will know not to get anymore toys and so will my MIL. But, on birthdays, normally everyone brings toys.  

    I love the book idea! I feel there is never too many books because they are really easy to donate and move in and out. And very inexpensive.

    I am not complaining that she was so blessed.

    And its not obscene to not want a million toys at her bday. I feel my daughter could become greedy in the future if she constantly receives tons of toys on her birthday and for Christmas.

     

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  • image babyfoodtarget:

    I feel my daughter could become greedy in the future if she constantly receives tons of toys on her birthday and for Christmas.

     

    ^^ This in so many ways. My 8 year old nephew has become this way because until my son is born he is the only grandchild of this generation and so gets every single gift he asks for regardless of the time of year. There is nothing wrong with this in the least if his parents/grandparents can afford to do so, it's a wonderful thing. I've noticed however that he has some presents from Christmas of LAST YEAR still in the original packaging. And yesterday when I was down there spending time with them in the morning exchanging gifts I saw him want to reject opening a gift because it was "too small" when inside was actually a lifetime hunting/fishing license ($200+ value), and then he received a 4-wheeler and didn't even thank his parents or Santa for it at all.

     

    I guess it all depends on the family and how they feel about certain things. I know that if I put on the invitation something similar to the "building a library" idea, that my child would get a book from every guest in addition to clothes or toys.

    I think personally as long as you are still thankful to the gift buyers for the toys even if you donate/sell/return/etc them, that it's not tacky to ask for a particular type of gift as long as you still give them the option instead of saying "No toys allowed" 

  • image babyfoodtarget:

    I honestly didn't ask for anything for LO this year.

    All the toys we received were from the grandaparents. If I donate the toys they just bought they will both be upset with me.

    I want to let her play with them all and we can manage what we have now but if they (the grandparents) go all out on her birthday we will be swimming in it. And considering they both consign shop I cant return. I find it rude to ask for a receipt.

    My  mom will know not to get anymore toys and so will my MIL. But, on birthdays, normally everyone brings toys.  

    I love the book idea! I feel there is never too many books because they are really easy to donate and move in and out. And very inexpensive.

    I am not complaining that she was so blessed.

    And its not obscene to not want a million toys at her bday. I feel my daughter could become greedy in the future if she constantly receives tons of toys on her birthday and for Christmas.

     

    Excuses, excuses. I'm sorry, but DS's birthday is a month before Christmas, and yes, he has a ton of stuff right now. Doesn't mean I give it all to him at once. I keep toys sacked away for when he gets bored with his current toys. And a lot of people that got him toys for his birthday did books and clothes for christmas, and vice versa. bottom line-you can't tell them what to do. And your child will only become greedy if you teach her to expect a ton of toys. I was spoiled terribly as a child (first kid, grandkid, niece, etc). My parents taught me that this wasn't normal, and that it was a blessing, and I took it as such. And, if you don't want all the toys, donate them. How are her grandparents going to keep track of every toy she has? Seriously.

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  • How? LOL you've never met my crazy OCD mother.

    Here's what I did instead.

    I split the toys between households. I left some at one gmas, left some at other gmas, and some at our house. A small box in the car with some toys. Some upstairs in the nursery. A small box in our bedroom. And the big ones in her playpen downstairs. 

    Now, I never have to *Carry toys anywhere

    The duplicates I received (two mobile phones, two wind up toys, two sets of blocks) are going to be donated to a needy (distant) family member whom I never talk to but still see no reason not to donate to her extra toys.  

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  • The other dilemma I have is my DSD comes to visit only once a month and we have an entire play kitchen for her and separate (older kids) toys for her. 

    I was told when given gifts for her by the gma I couldnt send them home because we'd never see them again? This is fumigating in the back of my mouth as nasty and greedy. I am sending her kitchen home with her because she only gets to see it 2 days a month versus 28-29 days at home. I just have to learn how to nicely suggest this.

    I dont pick her up or drop her off nor does my DH. So I have to convince GMA who gave it to her to take it home.  

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  • image babyfoodtarget:

    The other dilemma I have is my DSD comes to visit only once a month and we have an entire play kitchen for her and separate (older kids) toys for her. 

    I was told when given gifts for her by the gma I couldnt send them home because we'd never see them again? This is fumigating in the back of my mouth as nasty and greedy. I am sending her kitchen home with her because she only gets to see it 2 days a month versus 28-29 days at home. I just have to learn how to nicely suggest this.

    I dont pick her up or drop her off nor does my DH. So I have to convince GMA who gave it to her to take it home.  

    Why get upset by this? She says you'll never see the toys again. Your response? "oh that's fine because we have so little space, and it makes sense for her to have big toys at home where she can play with them all the time. Thanks so much for saving us the bother of dropping them off."

    Grandma was trying to be nasty, and you can buy into her nasty, or just thank her enthusastically for the excellent solution of the kitchen set not coming back to your house. 

    You seem to have issues with "stuff" and what it means. You say it's ok to donate to a distant relative even though you seldom see her, like that's something special. I mean I donate to strangers all the time.

    My little girls have birthdays within a few weeks of Christmas, and yes it means an explosion of stuff, but like pp said, it's easy to put stuff aside for later, or pass on the things that won't get used. 

    I sat down with DD1 and asked her what she'd like to donate to kids who haven't got very much. She picked out a few things that she's outgrown, and one or two things she's never touched. So we've boxed them up, and will drop them off. No big drama. 

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  • Okay, I'm not officially a mom yet so maybe I have this wrong: Isn't it the parents' job to make sure the children have everything they need? I always thought that any gift was a gift. Of course it's extra. If your child needed it than you as the parent should get it for them. Otherwise, kids would have food, medicine, and other necesities on their Christmas lists.
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  • image graciesmurf:
    Okay, I'm not officially a mom yet so maybe I have this wrong: Isn't it the parents' job to make sure the children have everything they need? I always thought that any gift was a gift. Of course it's extra. If your child needed it than you as the parent should get it for them. Otherwise, kids would have food, medicine, and other necesities on their Christmas lists.

    No, you're right. Unfortunately, many people expect everyone else to bankroll their kids.
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  • image KateLouise:
    image babyfoodtarget:

    The other dilemma I have is my DSD comes to visit only once a month and we have an entire play kitchen for her and separate (older kids) toys for her. 

    I was told when given gifts for her by the gma I couldnt send them home because we'd never see them again? This is fumigating in the back of my mouth as nasty and greedy. I am sending her kitchen home with her because she only gets to see it 2 days a month versus 28-29 days at home. I just have to learn how to nicely suggest this.

    I dont pick her up or drop her off nor does my DH. So I have to convince GMA who gave it to her to take it home.  

    Why get upset by this? She says you'll never see the toys again. Your response? "oh that's fine because we have so little space, and it makes sense for her to have big toys at home where she can play with them all the time. Thanks so much for saving us the bother of dropping them off."

    Grandma was trying to be nasty, and you can buy into her nasty, or just thank her enthusastically for the excellent solution of the kitchen set not coming back to your house. 

    You seem to have issues with "stuff" and what it means. You say it's ok to donate to a distant relative even though you seldom see her, like that's something special. I mean I donate to strangers all the time.

    My little girls have birthdays within a few weeks of Christmas, and yes it means an explosion of stuff, but like pp said, it's easy to put stuff aside for later, or pass on the things that won't get used. 

    I sat down with DD1 and asked her what she'd like to donate to kids who haven't got very much. She picked out a few things that she's outgrown, and one or two things she's never touched. So we've boxed them up, and will drop them off. No big drama. 

    I agree with this. And OP why don't you just donate/get rid of the toys that LO had before Christmas and Bday? That's what we did. The month before Christmas DH and I went through all the toys and donated what DD didn't play with anymore. That way we had room for all the new stuff. And we kept it small from us/Santa because we knew that the family would go nuts. 

     

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  • We did exactly what you did - some toys stayed at our home, others went to my ILs so they have toys there.  Most of the stuff that my ILs got for them stayed at their house.  We also took some time last weekend to go through all of their toys and took everything that wasn't played with regularly and donated it.  My aunt got the girls a plastic princess chair that has a hollow inside for toy storage. Our place is small - a one floor, two bedroom condo - and we have twins so we just have to be creative with the space that we have.

    The few friends who we've told about their birthday party so far have all asked what to get them.  When I get invites to my friend's kid's parties I always ask what to get them.  If people ask you can certainly provide suggestions but I would definitely not put anything on the invitation.  And with your parents I would have no problem saying something like "we appreciate all of your generosity with gifts, but we don't have room for any more toys so please don't get any for LO's birthday.".  Then if they do and you donate them and they get mad you can say that you explained that you don't have room and you had to donate some items.  I just don't think it's a big of a deal as you're making it.  And ONE day won't cause your LO to be spoiled - if they got whatever they wanted all of the time that's one thing, but one day out of the year won't turn your kid into a brat.

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  • Thanks all.

    *(I think you misunderstood the MIL comment. My MIL is the one who doesnt want me to send them home with my DSD. I WANT to send her toys home with her because she plays with LOs stuff too.)

    I plan to donate a good chunk of the toys that I have but we also have another LO on the way so I think storage is a better option.

    I donate all the time btw. Just not material things. I donate my time to wildlife reserve, river cleanup, planting trees, and a few other events such as a support walk for Cystic Fibrosis every year and donate $ then.

    I do donate OUR clothes and such to goodwill and to strangers who want them. Our stuff too. I just had my baby back in January and most of the stuff was donated to us without us asking. It was nice but when something is donated to me or given to me I feel obligated to hold on to it or contact the person to see if they want it back? I don't know why I just do.  

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  • Actually, it is a trend I see all the time. People include in invitations that their child is "REGISTERED"!!! at Amazon, or ToysRUs, etc. Then you can go to the store or website and see what the kid has registered for. Really?? Practically speaking, its a great idea, because it takes the guess work out of what to get a kid if you know nothing about what a six year old boy might want (I would have no clue). However, it seems so tacky to me because you are assuming that a gift is no longer a voluntary act of thoughtfulness on the invitee's part. Are they no longer welcome if there isn't a gift in hand? I always ask the parent what the child needs, and if someone asks me, I always tell them diapers. I can always use diapers, or exchange them for formula or whatever. I still get plenty of toys and clothes, which I don't need or want. I am grateful for the kind thought, but I'd rather have the cash for their college prepaid. Still, the gift giver may have had a grand old time picking out that gift you don't care about, and it would be rude to take that away from them. If that my was my worst care in the world, I would be a lucky woman!
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  • E's bday is 12/19, we had his party on 12/22, celebrated Christmas with different families on 12/23, 12/24 and 12/25.  To say my house looks like a toy explosion is an understatement.  Our invitation didn't say anything, but I sent an email to close family / friends with more details about the party, and included the following wording.  It was actually really nice to get cards from people who made donations to various charities in E's name.  Some people still gave E gifts, and we put away half of them to bring out later.  I know some people might think it is tacky or rude, but I am glad we did it, and had several people tell me it was such a nice idea.

     E has been very blessed this year, so we ask that you consider using the money you may have spent on a gift for him to help a child that is less fortunate.  Please consider donating to the Red Cross, Toys for Tots, or we will be collecting gifts at the party to donate to a local domestic violence shelter.

     

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  • image rockychryslerb2010:

    E's bday is 12/19, we had his party on 12/22, celebrated Christmas with different families on 12/23, 12/24 and 12/25.  To say my house looks like a toy explosion is an understatement.  Our invitation didn't say anything, but I sent an email to close family / friends with more details about the party, and included the following wording.  It was actually really nice to get cards from people who made donations to various charities in E's name.  Some people still gave E gifts, and we put away half of them to bring out later.  I know some people might think it is tacky or rude, but I am glad we did it, and had several people tell me it was such a nice idea.

     E has been very blessed this year, so we ask that you consider using the money you may have spent on a gift for him to help a child that is less fortunate.  Please consider donating to the Red Cross, Toys for Tots, or we will be collecting gifts at the party to donate to a local domestic violence shelter.

    Yes
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  • We've requested "no gifts please" on all birthday invites so far and most people abide by our wishes.

     

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • We have one birthday in November then christmas then early march. We got so many toys we have wrapped presents in the truck because they were so "over it" on Christmas Eve and day. 

    What you do is take 50% of everything put it in storage and take it out one at a time over a span of months.

    For example today Dd is running a fever and we need to stay indoors. Today I pulled out the huge circus tent they got for Christmas with  new blocks and threw it in there. Both were not out before today and it has been an hour and they are still playing! I find they play more when less is out! 

    Dont dictate what you want unless someone asks!  

    On the Mini pill, ebfing, and no AF ever.....16 months apart!

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  • Take it from someone who literally has no family around for DD to celebrate holidays or special occasions with, much less receive gifts from - be thankful you are so fortunate to have family, much less the gifts they give your LO. it's tacky and greedy to dictate what people give you, or what you "have room for". Graciously accept the acts of kindness, use what you can, donate what you chose to not keep, also keeping a few unopened gifts around for children's parties is a great idea. 
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  • image Wipz:
    image rockychryslerb2010:

    E's bday is 12/19, we had his party on 12/22, celebrated Christmas with different families on 12/23, 12/24 and 12/25.  To say my house looks like a toy explosion is an understatement.  Our invitation didn't say anything, but I sent an email to close family / friends with more details about the party, and included the following wording.  It was actually really nice to get cards from people who made donations to various charities in E's name.  Some people still gave E gifts, and we put away half of them to bring out later.  I know some people might think it is tacky or rude, but I am glad we did it, and had several people tell me it was such a nice idea.

     E has been very blessed this year, so we ask that you consider using the money you may have spent on a gift for him to help a child that is less fortunate.  Please consider donating to the Red Cross, Toys for Tots, or we will be collecting gifts at the party to donate to a local domestic violence shelter.

    Yes

    This. Exactly. My family (extended family) often collects money for Operation Smile. $240 pays for one surgery. Each kid birthday party, the family has a goal to pay for one surgery and asks for donations for a child in need, rather than for their family and children who "have more than they could have ever hoped for" or who "are so blessed, we'd like to help another family's wish come true" or "to share our good fortune" or something like that. That's what we plan to do for DD's birthday in March. I know grandparents and a few family members will likely donate to charity AND give a gift, but that's their choice. There's a website that allows them to donate and see the progress made toward a smile. Our families find that Operation Smile is a good one, because people can see the impact their making -- 5% of an operation, 10% of an operation...whatever.

     

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