Hypochondriac Hubby & IV Question

mlrafiki

*vent*

Now that I've decided I'd like to have a natural birth (to the greatest extent possible) and have started doing my research, I asked my hubby if he would support me in that choice. He rather nonchalantly said, "Sure, I support you whatever you decide, even when you're calling me terrible names in the delivery room." *chuckles, walks off* This is not exactly reassuring: hubby is SUPER-squeamish, a bit of a germaphobe, and [to me] a bonafide hypochondriac. For all of our 5-year marriage, he has thrown things away that are perfectly fine (or cleanable) because he thinks they're dirty or bad, is convinced the minute he has even the tiniest scratchy throat that he's going to be sick for a week, and constantly admonishes me to see a doctor about every discomfort I ever complain about. Since I became pregnant, he's been determined to believe that all of my perfectly normal symptoms are dangerous. And finally, he has a crippling fear of blood and needles.

He's going to be an amazing father, but I don't kid myself that this guy is going to be remotely helpful in the delivery room. The MINUTE the doc or nurse recommends anything, he's going to start pressuring me to accept it, out of fear.

Anyway, last night I made the mistake of mentioning my desire for a natural birth to his mom (whom I love and who has three children of her own), and she started telling me about how I HAVE to have an IV, because the hospital won't let me drink anything(!), and I don't want to get dehydrated. DH immediately jumped on the bandwagon and started telling me how important it was for me to have an IV. He hasn't read a single word about labor yet.

I should explain that I'm not necessarily opposed to the IV as much as I don't like the idea that it's a non-negotiable, nor that I'll be prevented from drinking water during labor. So here's the practical part of this rant: what is your experience with IVs during labor, and do you get horribly dehydrated if you refuse them? Common hospital policies on drinking/eating? Any other helpful info.

At this point, I'm definitely getting a doula. I'm going to need backup. 

AmyRI

Well, it sounds like your hubby is more extreme than mine, but my DH is super squeamish, very clean, and hates needles and IVs. Honestly, I'm the same way. But we both did great about all of labor. DH had even said he wanted to be up by my head the whole time, but ended up holding one of my legs while I pushed and saw everything. He was great - up until it was over and the OB told him to announce boy or girl and it hit him like a brick wall, lol. He sat down for a few minutes while things were calming down and then he was fine again.

RE: common hospital policy, it really depends on the hospital. There is no "common" right now. At my hospital, a hep lock is "required" (could probably refuse, but it would be a battle at that point) but an actual dripping, hydrating IV is not used unless necessary. They allow clear beverages at any point in labor but not eating. My labor was short, which helps I'm sure, but I had no issues with dehydration. Call and ask - and also make sure your doc has the same opinion. Some hospitals won't require an IV but the doctor will.

And a doula does sound like a good option for you to mediate. Also, get your DH to do as much research as you are so he's comfortable with interventions, when and why they should be used. Basically eliminate his fear over things so he can help you make the most informed decision possible in that moment.

AimnJus917

Sorry to hear DH isn't on board yet. I suggest getting him in on the research your doing, maybe watching the BOBB asap. You need him to support your wishes during L & B. Getting a doula is a good idea too.  I could be wrong but I would guess that some of his germaphobe tendencies will go right out the window after birth and having a baby around for about an hour. Babies are messy!!  My DH is defintely NOT squeamish around blood, etc. but he seriously could not believe the amount of "stuff" that came out of me along with the baby.

I had an unmedicated birth in a hospital and No IV. It was in my birth plan but they were like "um, how about we just prep you for an IV in case you need it later" so I was like "fine." I wasn't aware of hospital policy when writing my birth plan and figured if I didn't have to get the full blown IV I was OK with that since I wasn't tethered to the bed. The nurse sure did butcher my arm in the process but whatever. I was allowed ice chips and water while I pushed but that's it and I did not become dehydrated. I was in labor a total of about 10 hours including 2 hours of pushing. (my first) I ended up not needing the IV (obviously because no epi) or pitocin so they just took out the heplock after DS was born.

Good luck with DH! Oh, and I know it's tempting to share with everyone but try to keep your natural birth plans to yourself and DH. Even the people you think will be supportive will probably tell horror stories and their beliefs on what they *think* you should do even if it's based on nothing and contradicts the research you're doing. People will try to sway you into conventional hospital birth and tell you you can't do it naturally.  Who needs that? Trust me, you're better off keeping quiet.

bdutton0005

A lot of it will depend on your Dr about the IV. Mine said he would prefer I at least got a hep lock soif something happens they can get meds/blood in me quickly ( if you start loosing alot of blood after it can be hard if not impossible to get a good stick) and I have no problem with this. My hospitals policy and Dr's policy is now fluids or food but you can have ice chips. I would definately bring it up with your Dr and if possible have you DH there.

pantherRN

1. I would put a small point in your birth plan about not offering pain medication. If it's not offered, your H has nothing to agree with.

2. I think hiring a doula is a fantastic idea.

3. A saline lock is usually a good compromise between no IV at all and an actual bag of fluid going into your arm continuously. It's the catheter that goes into your vein plus a few inches of tubing on the outside that an actual IV bag and tubing can be hooked up to. It's there just in case, but doesn't actually have to be accessed unless it is needed. If you do get dehydrated and need fluids, it can be difficult to find a vein. And god forbid an emergency arises, there is no time lost in placing an IV.  

sbevmc09

I think it sounds like a good thing you're getting a doula  

As others have said, the standard typically is to have an IV, however, a lot of hospitals are fine with a saline lock as long as you're not dehydrated.  I think you would likely encounter more resistance if you're trying to decline both, but certainly look into your options.

The no eating thing during labor is so dumb, but common.  I've never heard that you aren't freely allowed to drink liquids though.  I know at the hospital I deliver at any liquids are fine including water, juice, broth, popsicles, and I believe jello is okay too.

As long as you keep up your liquid intake you won't get dehydrated at all, but you have to remember to keep up with it because your body is going thorough a lot!  Your doula will certainly remind you, or maybe that's a good safe job for your H!

wittyschaffy

mlrafiki:

For all of our 5-year marriage, he has thrown things away that are perfectly fine (or cleanable) because he thinks they're dirty or bad, is convinced the minute he has even the tiniest scratchy throat that he's going to be sick for a week, and constantly admonishes me to see a doctor about every discomfort I ever complain about. Since I became pregnant, he's been determined to believe that all of my perfectly normal symptoms are dangerous. And finally, he has a crippling fear of blood and needles.

Just a thought but have you ever considered having him talk to someone about his fears?  Kids are messy and if he has some OCD issues about cleanliness that would be really stressful to have a kid in the mix.  (on the other hand, maybe he'll get more relaxed about things.  Who knows)  It doesn't sound like his reactions to germs or cleanliness are normal ones and that it causes him some anxiety.  

As far as labor goes - your MIL hasn't had children in quite a few years I presume.  Things have changed.  My MIL sometimes tries stuff like that too - it comes from a good place but is not up to date info or is a total old wives tale.  I find it is easiest to diffuse the situation by telling her that we'll be following my doctor's recommendations.  My hospital places a mandatory heplock so that they can have an open access point if they need it in an emergency but they don't automatically do an IV unless you do an epidural or have some urgent need for fluids.  Honestly, it seems like that is way more "the norm" than not these days.  

I think it is a good idea to pursue a doula if you don't think that your DH can set aside his own hangups for the birth.  I would imagine that his fears of blood or needles could make for a really stressful time for you both. I hate to say this -but do you think that he'll be any help to you during labor and delivery?  Maybe he is one of the people who really will be more helpful hanging in the waiting area?  Is there another close friend or family member you could rely on to be your primary labor buddy who is more comfortable in that kind of blood and body fluids environment?

tokenhoser

Doulas are amazing.

I did not have a saline lock or IV in labour because I laboured at home and arrived at the hospital fully dilated. No time to screw around with policies, worked like a dream. I drank water all through labour and was so thirsty during pushing - I think I drank 3 or 4 L in that 90 minutes. I would have been pretty miserable if denied water, IV or not.

Hospital policy is hospital specific, but hospital policy doesn't apply at home. I ate normally the day I was in labour (I woke up with "cramps" at 11 am, and had lunch, snacks, a pulled pork sandwich for dinner, a DQ Blizzard at 8 pm, and delivered at 1 am). 

mlrafiki

Thanks for the input, everyone! I think the Hep-lock is totally reasonable, as I'm really not trying to be obstinate against good medical advice, I just don't want to be in any more discomfort or more immobilized than I'll already be by the contractions. I'll talk to my doc about that.

As for DH, I really would like him to be with me for the delivery, but I can easily envision a scenario in which he becomes more stressful than helpful. My hope is that the doula will help tremendously with that, since she'll have the experience to reassure him either a) that things are progressing normally, or b) not to panic in the event of a necessary intervention. Unfortunately, we have no family at all and few close female friends nearby (we moved cross-country only two years ago and pretty much all our friends are guys), and have asked our families not to visit until at least two weeks after the birth, so we're on our own.

I'll do what I can to get him to read up on birth, but another unfortunate behavior pattern he has is to always read the worst reviews of anything, so I have to find a way to get him to understand the risks and benefits without focusing on the horror stories. BOBB scared the sh*t out of me, so that would probably be counterproductive for him. And he would dismiss it as propaganda anyway. *le sigh* 

tokenhoser

"The Birth Partner" is the best book to give him. It's great - very concrete and factual with actual strategies to be useful. A good doula will be able to guide him to be supportive of you, and the meetings before the birth will probably be really good for all you as well.

https://www.amazon.com/The-Birth-Partner-Third-Edition/dp/1558323570/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356032680&sr=8-1&keywords=birth+partner

Hyaline

Have you engaged your hubby in researching with you?  My DH is the same way--Mr. Scratchy Throat is the End of the World, tends to be skeptical of anything "crunchy" like natural birth.  But as soon as I started sharing with him what I was reading and getting him involved in a discussion, he suddenly became Mr Natural Birth Advocate.  Seriously--he was the problem child in our birth class because he kept asking questions and debating hospital policies lol!

You need to ask your hospital policy, but most will let you drink clear fluids.  Research shows that women hydrate themselves just fine when allowed to drink all they want in comparison to women who were on an IV.  (Good article here: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/are-iv-fluids-necessary-during-labor/.  Also, it was a few articles on here that got DH into researching and learning more about birth, both medicated and natural, on his own.)   My personal experience--I did get a little dehydrated, but I was also very nauseous during labor and threw up a lot.  No one suggested an IV to counter this as it was not severe enough to be concerned about.

 

beany02

our hospital policy said no food. DH packed food in our bag and i just ate when the nurses left the room. i needed the energy. just because you are in a hospital doesnt mean doctors and nurses can approve snacktime like you are a child!!! lol. i know why they do it, but they cant force you.

mlrafiki

Hyaline:

Research shows that women hydrate themselves just fine when allowed to drink all they want in comparison to women who were on an IV.  (Good article here: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/are-iv-fluids-necessary-during-labor/.  Also, it was a few articles on here that got DH into researching and learning more about birth, both medicated and natural, on his own.)

 

This website is fabulously helpful: thanks! I've forwarded it to my hubby and asked him to read at his leisure. I've also got us signed up to meet a doula next week. *fingers crossed*