Grandparents not excited about baby — The Bump
March 2013 Moms

Grandparents not excited about baby

Is anyone else experiencing this? I was telling my mom about my dr appts early on and she said "it sounds like you are excited." They have not offered anything for the baby. We don't "need" anything as we are well established and have good jobs, but its just odd when others you are close to are not excited for you. I invited my side of the family to the shower my friends are hosting 3 hours away as they didn't plan on doing anything local. This is #5 grandchild for them, but I just think it?s odd as they usually go all out for this type of thing. My husband?s side of the family (his mom in particular) is going to be a grandmother so she is super excited. I have had such a blast getting to plan with her, but it also reminds me non-involved my side of the family has been.

Re: Grandparents not excited about baby

  • I experienced this with my DH's parents.  They are older as DH is 40 and their youngest.  They have 3 other grandkids and 1 great grandchild right before our DS was born last year.  They show no interest in DS (only grandson), even stepped over him in his bouncy last Christmas without saying a word to him.  DS went to his grandma this year to be picked up, but she didn't.  Any pictures with them look like they are forced to hold him, they appear so unhappy.  Sad to see.  We live about 2 hours away & I have no interest in going there.  DS will not know those grandparents well, but my parents make up for that.  He sees my parents nearly everyday since my mom is our daycare.  He just adores them and they are younger since I'm the oldest, so he'll have lots of good times with them.  Very sad to see with DH's parents & makes it difficult for me to try to go see them, but what can you do?
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  • That sucks that your parents aren't getting into the baby.  My baby will be my in-law's 3rd grandchild (4th grandchild will be due in June).  Our baby is also the third boy.  However, my mother-in-law is over the moon excited.  She and my father-in-law have helped us put together my son's nursery and my mother-in-law is even making curtains to match our son's bedding.  My parents are excited (this will be their first grandchild).  However, my parents haven't really offered anything.  I don't take offense though because like you, my husband and I don't need anything.  I would just try and surround yourself with people that are excited for your baby like your mother-in-law and don't get yourself down because of your mother's response.  Remember this is YOUR baby and I am sure you are full of all kinds of excitement!  Maybe distance yourself a little from your mom.  Hopefully she will come around!
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  • Babies are sort of like weddings.  Nobody will be as excited about it as you are!  It would be fantastic if they could muster up some enthusiasm though but if they just don't get there, just take it for what it is.  I can guarantee you that you DO have people in your life who are excited and there will be more than enough love to go around for your LO.  
  • This is our first baby and DH's parent's 4th granddaughter. DH's dad told me over thanksgiving dinner that he is "depressed because we are giving him another granddaughter." When we found out it's a girl, DH's brother texted something like "that sucks."  DH and I are excited and that's all that matters, but I totally am with you. These comments are annoying and not expected from family members.
  • I'm sorry they're not acting excited.

    On another note - if you're noticing that they haven't "offered" anything, what would you have expected/thought they would have offered up for the baby?

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  • imagejack19:

    imagehoneydew01:
    This is our first baby and DH's parent's 4th granddaughter. DH's dad told me over thanksgiving dinner that he is "depressed because we are giving him another granddaughter." When we found out it's a girl, DH's brother texted something like "that sucks."  DH and I are excited and that's all that matters, but I totally am with you. These comments are annoying and not expected from family members.

     I don't know how anyone could say that to someone about their pregnancy.  If my brother said that to my wife I would beat his ass. Sorry ladies but seriously.

     

    Trust me I was pretty pissed and told DH immediately about it...from the minute they found out we were pregnant, all I heard from DH's parents and siblings was "it better be a boy...we don't want another girl...."  DH said his brother was probably kidding and was not serious..and told me I could reply back with something snarky....I never did. Seemed childish. I'm sure I'll hear more about it at Christmas and it'll be hard to hold back..

  • imageCloudBee:

    I'm sorry they're not acting excited.

    On another note - if you're noticing that they haven't "offered" anything, what would you have expected/thought they would have offered up for the baby?

     

    Thanks for the advice. I am not expecting anything, but for the first 2 grandkids they decorated the nursery, bought all the furniture, clothes, helped paint the room, bought multiple car seats (so they could keep one at their house), strollers, ect. They also hosted both showers at their house and went all out (even though one was #2 baby for my sister). They texted me the other day to ask if I have purchased a stroller yet. I told them not yet and they told me they have an old light weight one in their garage that I could have. I am 30 weeks now and keep telling myself they will get excited, but it hasn't happened yet.

  • Conversation with my parents to tell them I was pregnant: "OMG OMG OMG AAHHH!!! WE ARE GRANDPARENTS OMG!!!!!"

    Conversation with my in-laws to tell them I was pregnant: "Was this planned?"

     

    Well DH and I have been married for 2 years so it is not like this is anything scandalous enough to make them look bad! Yes it was planned! Geesh!

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  • My mom could really care less that she is going to be a grandma, babies/children aren't her thing.  She is going on vacation to her timeshare in Palm Springs when I am due.  It really sucks sometimes, but that is just who she is.  It just makes me appreciate my DH and supportive friends.

     

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  • imagetilsonc:
    imageCloudBee:

    I'm sorry they're not acting excited.

    On another note - if you're noticing that they haven't "offered" anything, what would you have expected/thought they would have offered up for the baby?

    Thanks for the advice. I am not expecting anything, but for the first 2 grandkids they decorated the nursery, bought all the furniture, clothes, helped paint the room, bought multiple car seats (so they could keep one at their house), strollers, ect. They also hosted both showers at their house and went all out (even though one was #2 baby for my sister). They texted me the other day to ask if I have purchased a stroller yet. I told them not yet and they told me they have an old light weight one in their garage that I could have. I am 30 weeks now and keep telling myself they will get excited, but it hasn't happened yet.

    None of this info about purchasing items for the first 2 grandchildren was in your post. So your comment about them not offering anything for the baby had me scratching my head a bit.

    I would feel a bit hurt and left out, too.

    My sister was given much of what you list above, and I have received nothing.

    Honestly, I think that as more grandchidren arrive, they just receive less. It sucks, but it seems common.

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  • I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, I would be hurt as well.  Have you told your mom how you feel?  Not about gifts but that you feel like she is not excited?  Maybe she doesn't even realize that you feel this way.

    You said you guys are in a good position financially, was your sister not?  Are they close to your DH?  

    It seems odd to me they would be this way, maybe there is something you don't realize that is holding them back.  Does your closeness to your MIL bother your mom?  My mom has a tendency to become a little withdrawn around the boys with my MIL is around, since she lives close to us and sees them more than my mom does and it makes her jealous.

     I know the excitement has def faded my first to now my third.  I do get the "if it's a girl" then we will be sooo happy comments which sucks to hear of course cause if it's a little boy I hope he isn't pushed aside.  

    However, this is my actual third baby.  I imagine when my younger sister gets pregnant nomatter what the sex or circumstance we will all be sooo excited.   



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  • Sorry they are being this way. Every time I get pregnant, my mom is always pissed. I have never needed a dime from that woman, and all I wanted was her happiness. Her and I don't get a long, but who doesn't love a baby?
  • This is the first grandchild for all three sets and we've had mixed reactions.

    My FIL is excited; my MIL is acting bipolar about the whole thing; we have to get my mom to not smoke when she comes to see the matzo ball and she's been very emotional the whole time; my father (the normal grandparent), won't be able to make it out until after the birth because he works - but he'll come out for the naming. 

     

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  • Is there any way your family could be jealous that you're getting so close to your in laws? Maybe they don't feel like you've involved them enough so they don't care to push. Just another perspective. My moms been great about the baby but that's because we live near her and my MIL is across state. She used to get pretty jealous though when we lived on the opposite side.... Wasn't excited for my wedding at all because of it and offered no help. You never know.
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  • My parents weren't super excited when I was pregnant with my daughter. They are really young (45) so I think the whole process was a little shocking to them. After she got here it took them awhile to settle into the role of grandma and grandpa but now they LOVE it. 
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