Infertility

Ok - this is crazy right?

So I have this cousin, who was like a brother to me.  He met this fantastic girl and they got engaged.  Due to a big f-up on various parts, he ended up scheduling his wedding on my wedding day.  I haven't spoken to his wife since, but my cousin and I recently made up over facebook (very mature right?)

Anyway, I have been her facebook friend for awhile and i'm noticing a pattern in her status updates.  I can read several of them with an IF tint.  For example, today she posted "There is only one thing on my Christmas list this year"  

I realize that I am overly sensitive to this type of thing but I can't help but wonder if she is going through this.  If she is, even if we aren't close, I couldn't bear for her to go through it alone if I knew that I could maybe help her.  Her sister in law just announced a pregnancy last week and if she is going through this shiit it probably really sucks for her.

I'm thinking about reaching out to her or my cousin.  Kind of just saying - hey - I'm infertile...so if you want to talk about being infertile....let me know!

 Is this crazy? 

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Re: Ok - this is crazy right?

  • I don't think it's crazy.... but I guess it all depends on what sort of a relationship you have or want to have with her. I've had someone i went to high school with reach out to me bc of FB and Pinterest(before the secret boards!) and I was welcome for the kinship/advice, but, that being said, i am open about IF. I think you have to try to decide if she would be open to you. 
    Me: 37, DH: 35 :: TCC since 2/11 SA: Perfect! CD3  HSG = Blocked Right Tube
    April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN   May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
    June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN  August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
    September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN  October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
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    FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
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  • I might try to figure out a way to casually mention it to your cousin. Not in terms of them at all, but just maybe you can just bring up your experience in some way. Mention that you just did IVF or something, that no one in the family really knows but you wanted to confide in him since its hard not having anyone to talk to about it. I don't know... I just wouldn't even imply that they are having an issue with it and let her come to you if she's comfortable.
    Me: 43 DH: 39 - AMA, DOR
    Mommy to Sami (IVF), Born 8.30.13
    Surprise non-assisted BFP - 12.29.2014, Beta 1 = 322, Beta 2 = 760
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  • I don't think it is crazy.  It shows what a sweet caring person you are. 
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  • I think this is really sweet of you, but be careful.  I have a friend who was complaining about her problems getting pregant.  After talking more to her, she said they have been trying for 3 months.  She was ready to call her doctor to get tested because of "her problems".  I would find out more specifically what she is going through before you tell her what you are going through completely.  She would be a great support system if you are going through the same thing.  GL.

    My TTC Story:

    Me: 40,DH: 48, Married 10/07/2011, TTC since 09/2011, 03/2012 Started Clomid, 04/2012
    Clomid, 05/2012 Clomid, 06/2012 Went to RE, he found a plum size fibroid in uterus, husband has low sperm count, 06/06/2012 Removed fibroid, 08/2012 Hysteroscopy
    IVF #1 October 2012 - Retrieved 8 eggs, 5 fertilized, 10/13/2012 Transferred 3 embryos - 8, 5, and 4 cells,
    the other 2 eggs did not survive freezing, 10/26/2012 BFP!! Beta: 11, 10/26/12 Beta: 2 = Chemical Pregnancy
    IVF #2 - March 2014 - Mini IVF - Retrieved 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 4 Frosties - 8, 9, 7, and 7 cells all in good condition. 

    IVF #3 - May 2014 - Mini IVF - Retrieved 2 eggs, 2 fertilized, 2 Frosties - 6 and 8 in good condition. 
    FET #1 - September 2014 - Transferred 2 embryos - both 8 cells - BFN

    FET#2 - November 2014 - Transferred 2 embryos - BFN

    FET#3 - February 2014


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  • I reached out to a college roomate over FB because she was posting about IF issues (she was more obvious about it though). She was very grateful, as she didn't know anyone else who was going through it, and felt very alone. We're both pretty open people though, so I knew it wouldn't be an issue to talk about it.
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    ***EVERYONE WELCOME***
    TTC #2 with assistance since 03/11
    Me: 33, Autoimmune (Hashimotos and FMS/CFS)
    Treated with Synthroid, acupuncture, TCM and supplements
    DH: 33, MFI (very low on all counts, high antibodies, hemochromatosis)
    Many treatments tried, none successful

    IVF/ICSI #1 05/14 - EPP/Antagonist, Gonal-F and Luveris, 18R, 14M, 13F - SET of 1BC, all arrested on day 5 - C/P
    Genetic testing = normal, DNA Frag = excellent
    IVF #2 03/15 - Long protocol with Suprefact, Gonal-F, and possibly Luveris, adding in PICSI
     
  • imagecwoodward777:
    I think this is really sweet of you, but be careful.  I have a friend who was complaining about her problems getting pregant.  After talking more to her, she said they have been trying for 3 months.  She was ready to call her doctor to get tested because of "her problems".  I would find out more specifically what she is going through before you tell her what you are going through completely.  She would be a great support system if you are going through the same thing.  GL.

    I agree with this. Do you think you could talk to your cousin before reaching out to his wife? Perhaps he would tell you if they really are having problems and if she would even be receptive. Good luck!


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    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
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    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
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    imagecwoodward777:
    I think this is really sweet of you, but be careful.  I have a friend who was complaining about her problems getting pregant.  After talking more to her, she said they have been trying for 3 months.  She was ready to call her doctor to get tested because of "her problems".  I would find out more specifically what she is going through before you tell her what you are going through completely.  She would be a great support system if you are going through the same thing.  GL.

    I agree with this. Do you think you could talk to your cousin before reaching out to his wife? Perhaps he would tell you if they really are having problems and if she would even be receptive. Good luck!

    This! I know some people who might post things like that not because they're having trouble, but because they just stopped contraception and are hoping they'll be pregnant by that time...before you go spilling your beans, especially to someone that you have had some drama with, I'd find out if there's anything to commiserate about! Don't set yourself up to get hurt again since you don't know if she may be just being coy about news she already knows....good luck!

    Married 2007
    3 Clomid IUIs -- BFNs
    IVF #1 never made it to transfer
    On "egg health" cocktail DHEA/CoQ10/FRC/Pregnitude/Melatonin
    Starting IVF #2 for Feb 2013
    Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix
    Cancelled mid-cycle due to high P4 levels early on.
    OCPs again for IVF 2.5 mid-March. IVF 2.5 transferred two "gorgeous" 5-day blasts and BFFN. Even REI is baffled
    On indefinite hold until a huge stroke of serendipity led me to IVF 3 May 2014
    Testing found positive cardiolipins/APS, now on lovenox and intralipid infusions
    Transfer of 2 5-day blasts and (FINALLY) BFFP!! 1st ultrasound shows two sacs and two HB, but one is sluggish, almost expecting vanishing twin Subsequent ultrasound confirmed vanishing twin, but my other Little critter looks fantastic!
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