Spilled the beans

Jzyla

I had to travel with my boss this week, who I have kept in the dark about our IF issues. Since I have lots of natural health and medical appts though, I have been debating just telling her our situation so she doesn't come to her own conclusions about the time off I've taken. Problem is (and I've mentioned this in previous posts) I can't talk about IF without tearing up. It's literally impossible. So here we are, driving back to the office and the subject of other coworkers having babies comes up. She has never asked me "When are you.." or "Why don't you..." like everyone else (which I appreciate) so I had to bring it up myself. BAM. Tears. She was SO understanding and probably gave me the best reaction out of anyone I've told (including my best friends). She was supportive, asked questions, didn't try to reassure me or even change the subject. She told me to take all the time I need. I'm super impressed.

Problem is, now I'm feeling vulnerable and weak to my superior. Anyone else deal with this? Do you ever feel like people are feeling sorry for you or that they might now treat you differently? Anything I can do about this?

runforcookies

I work in a bank and told my boss because I wanted her to know why I was coming in late or leaving early some days. Now I switched branches and have a male boss I'm not sure how to tell him or even if I want to tell him.

Don't feel weak or vaunereable to your boss. Just because you told her and cried to her doesn't mean you are going to be crying all the time. Just keep doing your job and show her that you are still the strong hard working employee you were before you told her about your IF. She'll probably be even more impressed with you.

Soon-To-BeMrs.P

I haven't "spilled the beans" to my boss.  I keep telling myself it's because I have 6 weeks of vacation/sick time to use up, but your post made me think about this.  It may be because I don't want her to view me as "less than", but more than that, she would likely tell our director and I don't think she likes me much.  It would turn into gossip and I'd get questions or be coddled.  Either way, you're much more brave than I.

 I don't think it makes you look weak.  As PP said, as long as your work is strong and you're "there" when you're at work, she'll think you're a superstar. 

YouMe&Bax

I was very upfront with my boss about my IF issues.  I went to her office shortly after I found out that there would be testing needed and laid it out on the table for her.  She was ridiculously understanding.  She does not treat me any different than before, but has been amazing about helping me find coverage if I need to come in a bit late, or leave a bit early (I'm a teacher, so I can't very well leave the kids alone).  

I've told one other person at work - by accident.  She came in my room one morning at the beginning of all of this and said, "How ya doing?" and I broke down in tears.  It ended up being a good thing - we have become so, so close and I would consider her one of my best friends now.  

 I never feel like either are feeling sorry for me - but I do know we have an unspoken agreement that if I need an ear, they are there.  It's nice to have that sometimes.  

Mochadoodle

I'm glad that your boss was so understanding!

DH's family knows about our TTTC. I sometimes wish that they didn't know because I feel like everyone is walking on eggshells around me. It doesn't help that SIL is pregnant with their third child.

My family is also aware of our TTTC, but it never gets brought up. There are no children on my side of the family.

WhenInRome11

I work in a small boutique and there are only 3 of us plus the store owner. When I have appointments I have to switch schedules with one of my 2 coworkers. So, I had to tell everyone because I needed to switch schedules a lot in October and November to get all of my testing done.

It has actually been a relief that I can be open and honest about my situation. The store sells baby clothes and gear so, my coworkers have been great (for the most part) about changing the subject if someone asks why I don't have kids. 

I think your boss will appreciate and respect the courage it took to be so vulnerable in front of her. That does not make you weak it makes you brave.

Shortie24

I let me boss know that I needed to switch back to part time because of scheduling issues that I was having with all my appointments.

When I told her why, the tears just came streaming down my face. She was very understanding and as soon as she was able to switch me she did!

Don't think of yourself as weak, you were (and still are) very strong because what you did took lots of guts! Don't be hard on yourself!

I wouldn't think of it as sympathy, but just a better understanding of your situation!

Achrissy557

I told my boss and like many of you ladies, cried as well. I went to her initally and before I was ready to really open up I told her I may be taking some time off more frequently for appointments due to something I'm going through medically. The second time I went to her, I was super emotional, and she looked at me and said "Are you going through IF?" And I just let it out. She said "I knew what it was when you first came to me and I went through it for 12 years" that made me feel like a ton if bricks was lifted off my shoulders and she has been very understanding. 

It sounds like at the end of the day she realizes she is a person with a heart not only your boss and you should feel good about that. Good luck to you! 

smilormarie

Ditto to the other posters.  I was honest with my manager almost from the get-go of learning hubby had testicular Ca and the extra appts I was going to with him and then my own fertility workup appts I would need before we could use his banked vials.  She totally understood and she sometimes brings it up in casual conversations with me like "I don't know how you're maintaining your work travel and keeping up with everything you are going through."  I'm glad your boss was supportive and maybe after knowing this she will be doubly impressed with your work output if IF isn't interfering enough to affect your work.  Good luck.