Registry stalking...

MrsBernard

Ok...I know I really need to stop checking my registry every day (or maybe even more frequently).  But, I'm starting to get a little worried.  My shower is on Saturday, and so far only 3 things have been purchased from the registry.  Starting to freak out a little!

Allycat11

Why are you freaking out?

A lot of people shop last minute and a lot of people prefer not to purchase things off of a registry.  Worst case situation, you get very few things you registered for and you provide for your own child, like you will for the next 18+years.  I am failing to see the problem. 

MrsBernard

I guess I'm freaking out for a lot of reasons.  1) DH and I spent FOREVER in BRU doing the registry, and I now feel like that time was wasted.  I know this is my own fault, but it is what it is.  2) Lots of emotions swirling around right now...I'm due in 7 weeks, and we don't really have anything yet...again, I now this is my own fault, but I thought we would get the big things for shower.  3) I tend to dwell on things, and I think the ability to check the registry constantly makes it worse. 

Things will work out in the end, and I realize we will be providing for our own child.  That's part of the reason DH and I had to goal to have all our debts paid off and an "emergency fund" prior to having a kid.  Just venting I guess...

Allycat11

MrsBernard:

I guess I'm freaking out for a lot of reasons.  1) DH and I spent FOREVER in BRU doing the registry, and I now feel like that time was wasted.  I know this is my own fault, but it is what it is.  2) Lots of emotions swirling around right now...I'm due in 7 weeks, and we don't really have anything yet...again, I now this is my own fault, but I thought we would get the big things for shower.  3) I tend to dwell on things, and I think the ability to check the registry constantly makes it worse. 

Things will work out in the end, and I realize we will be providing for our own child.  That's part of the reason DH and I had to goal to have all our debts paid off and an "emergency fund" prior to having a kid.  Just venting I guess...

The time you spent was not wasted because you still would have to research products before purchasing them yourselves.  It still was definitely a time saver.  We also waited until after our shower to buy most things so we could see what was purchased.  Really, it doesn't take long even if you have a decent sized list of needs. 

What I would do is start a list this week of things you want/need before the baby is born.  Then after your shower cross off what you received and purchase the rest. This is what I did and it has made it very easy to make sure we have what we need before LO is born.

RoxyLynn

Take a breath.  Registries are notoriously unreliable for gauging attendance, since so many people don't use them.  I'm sure you'll have great turnout!

RoxyLynn

MrsBernard:

I guess I'm freaking out for a lot of reasons.  1) DH and I spent FOREVER in BRU doing the registry, and I now feel like that time was wasted. 

Just to reframe - regardless of how things turn out, that time was not "wasted."  You needed to do the research to determine what you want, no matter whose pocket it comes out of.

IsaiahGirl

Don't forget - BRU and Target are both known for messing up registeries.  I remember receiving 3 of one item at a shower - all ladies said the cashier scanned the registry info when they bought the item, and it never showed up as purchased.  You never know what you'll get at the shower!  And enjoy the surprise!

Manateearmz

I never buy a gift early. Stop looking and enjoy being surprised.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

BallSox

Even if the baby shows up before you have everything "perfect" the only things they need are: Car seat, clothes, diapers, place to sleep and a method for eating.  Everything else is negotiable. 

Stop obsessing and enjoy your shower.

jobiann

MrsBernard:

I guess I'm freaking out for a lot of reasons.  1) DH and I spent FOREVER in BRU doing the registry, and I now feel like that time was wasted.  I know this is my own fault, but it is what it is.  2) Lots of emotions swirling around right now...I'm due in 7 weeks, and we don't really have anything yet...again, I now this is my own fault, but I thought we would get the big things for shower.  3) I tend to dwell on things, and I think the ability to check the registry constantly makes it worse. 

Things will work out in the end, and I realize we will be providing for our own child.  That's part of the reason DH and I had to goal to have all our debts paid off and an "emergency fund" prior to having a kid.  Just venting I guess...

Breathe!!! As PP said, most wait until the day before or day of to buy.

Secondly, not everyone follows a registry so there may be items you need to count on buying. Honestly we purchased 1/3 of the things on our registry ourselves months before our shower and we just bought the remaining this week. 

jeffsjayme

Would you have bought cheaper/crappier/less safe items if you knew that you were going to have to buy them yourself?

blush64

Most of my family shops at the very last minute. If the shower is Saturday then people will shop late Friday night or Saturday just before the shower. It happens. 

Also, some people might not shop off the registry. People can still choose to buy what ever they want to buy. Don't worry about it. 

BLPL101

I only had about 5 items bought off my registry (two were from my mom and MIL). I wish I hadn't even bothered registering.

silverfanatic

I check mine daily to see if anyone bought my Christmas presents. I'm like a little kid who can't help peeking. As other people have said, time was not wasted. It also helps to have them on that registry so you can get your completion discount. My family tends to shop early for events like this so I understand your concern. On the bright side, you may have a bunch of shiny new gift cards and cash envelopes waiting for you. Or it could go like our wedding registry went and people bought the gifts but they didn't show as purchased from your registry.

cellomusic11

Allycat11:

Why are you freaking out?

A lot of people shop last minute and a lot of people prefer not to purchase things off of a registry.  Worst case situation, you get very few things you registered for and you provide for your own child, like you will for the next 18+years.  I am failing to see the problem. 

THIS ^^^ 

ggatlanta

I have never, ever bought a shower gift online or ahead of time. Not ever. Not even for my sister.

I buy the day before or the day of, depending on the time of the shower. 

I only buy off the registry 50% of the time: if the couple is well-off, I buy something frivolous; if the couple is just starting out, I try to stick to the registry.

MBush4

Another thing, I know that with a few of my aunts, they're notorious for looking for the same (or a similar) item and buying online somewhere else. Not that I was stalking my registries when I got married, but an aunt bought the set of silverware we wanted and when I was debating returning it I noticed she hadn't bought it at the store where we'd registered, shed gotten it somewhere else. Not that that's an issue- I say let people save where they want-- but it was confusing.

Liz4444

I didn't register and I still spent a lot of time researching items for the baby. Would you have just gone in and thrown any random thing in the cart if you didn't think other people would be buying you things?

caladpi02

ggatlanta:

I have never, ever bought a shower gift online or ahead of time. Not ever. Not even for my sister.

I buy the day before or the day of, depending on the time of the shower. 

I only buy off the registry 50% of the time: if the couple is well-off, I buy something frivolous; if the couple is just starting out, I try to stick to the registry.

Curious, what is the logic behind this? I would be really p!ssed off if I got a frivolous gift and was told the above. Just because someone may be "well off" to you does not mean that they are, or somehow shouldn't get a practical gift.

happy_un-bride

My shower was just this past weekend and only a couple thing had been bought off mine.  For my guests it was a problem with store/registry.

i registered online on at BRU, but because I don't live near them, I'd never actually been to the BRU - when they went to the store to shop, they didn't carry most of the stuff I registered for.  So they bought similar items (I.e. they bought a different tub and towels than I had registered for). 

alohachrissy2

I didn't get one thing off my registry...everyone got me their must have baby item or what was cute, luckily I had been buying a few big ticket items every month until baby was born to prepare. So by the time baby shower came I had all big ticket items and a lot of the basic, everyday baby clothes

ggatlanta

caladpi02:

ggatlanta:

I have never, ever bought a shower gift online or ahead of time. Not ever. Not even for my sister.

I buy the day before or the day of, depending on the time of the shower. 

I only buy off the registry 50% of the time: if the couple is well-off, I buy something frivolous; if the couple is just starting out, I try to stick to the registry.

Curious, what is the logic behind this? I would be really p!ssed off if I got a frivolous gift and was told the above. Just because someone may be "well off" to you does not mean that they are, or somehow shouldn't get a practical gift.

Gosh, if you got a frivolous gift and you outright asked me why I got you that, I would be the one to be annoyed... But since you asked, I am talking about the trust fund or similar set. I grew up in an affluent area (although I am not One of Them), so I have basically two types of friends: won't-ever-work, and earned-all-they-have.

Won't-ever-work gets something like a sterling picture frame for baby's footprints. They have what they want materially, so it's all about the sentiment and the thought behind it. A gift that reminds the MTB of me is all that counts, since they can buy their own must-have stuff.

Earned-all-they-have gets whatever I like on the registry - I buy something both useful and attractive usually, just depends what's on the list. 

I never buy pump parts, or bottle nipples, or anything similarly utilitarian. I just don't, and I don't really know anyone who does.

Would you really be "p!ssed off" about ANY gift someone gave you? I know I am honored by any and all presents I receive, and I wouldn't be offended if someone got me something either very frivolous OR very useful. Maybe that's just me.

EDIT: Where did my quote go? Hopefully it shows up now...

LatteLady5

I make a generous diaper cake for every shower I go to unless I know the mom plans to CD. I usually include baby food, rattles, mesh feeders, pacifiers (If I know the mom's preference), cake pops and chocolates for the mom. I tie pretty ribbons around it and wrap it it a tight clear wrap tied with a lovely bow. Sometimes I include a cute new outfit or a gift card or something else related to the baby. Diapers are practical and diaper cakes are pretty so the MTB gets both.

I didn't get a single thing off of my registry but I was blessed immensely. I didn't register for any clothes for DD and that's what I got a lot of. DD is 15 months and I still haven't had to buy her a lot of clothes. At the last shower I threw for a friend she received so many diapers at nearly 8months she still hasn't had to buy any.

Just because you don't get what you registered for doesn't mean you won't have a nice shower. I agree with the PP who said make a list of what you need and whatever you don't get at your shower you can shop for after. 

Take a breath, relax and enjoy your shower. Oh and stop stalking your registry, it's clearly not beneficial to you

caladpi02

ggatlanta:

caladpi02:

ggatlanta:

I have never, ever bought a shower gift online or ahead of time. Not ever. Not even for my sister.

I buy the day before or the day of, depending on the time of the shower. 

I only buy off the registry 50% of the time: if the couple is well-off, I buy something frivolous; if the couple is just starting out, I try to stick to the registry.

Curious, what is the logic behind this? I would be really p!ssed off if I got a frivolous gift and was told the above. Just because someone may be "well off" to you does not mean that they are, or somehow shouldn't get a practical gift.

Gosh, if you got a frivolous gift and you outright asked me why I got you that, I would be the one to be annoyed... But since you asked, I am talking about the trust fund or similar set. I grew up in an affluent area (although I am not One of Them), so I have basically two types of friends: won't-ever-work, and earned-all-they-have.

Won't-ever-work gets something like a sterling picture frame for baby's footprints. They have what they want materially, so it's all about the sentiment and the thought behind it. A gift that reminds the MTB of me is all that counts, since they can buy their own must-have stuff.

Earned-all-they-have gets whatever I like on the registry - I buy something both useful and attractive usually, just depends what's on the list. 

I never buy pump parts, or bottle nipples, or anything similarly utilitarian. I just don't, and I don't really know anyone who does.

Would you really be "p!ssed off" about ANY gift someone gave you? I know I am honored by any and all presents I receive, and I wouldn't be offended if someone got me something either very frivolous OR very useful. Maybe that's just me.

EDIT: Where did my quote go? Hopefully it shows up now...

 I would never ask someone their logic behind a gift, that is beyond rude. I do not have to work by any means, and I do, full time, in a public sector job.  You really do not know anyone's financial picture unless you see their bank accounts and credit card bills. I know plenty of people that appear to have a lot, but really do not.

What I find off putting about your gift giving logic is the judgment you use in reaching your gift decisions. Obviously any gift is much appreciated, but to hear that you separate your friends like that is what would p!ss me off. You basically are judging your friends' incomes, which I think is always in poor taste.

ggatlanta

caladpi02:

ggatlanta:

caladpi02:

ggatlanta:

I have never, ever bought a shower gift online or ahead of time. Not ever. Not even for my sister.

I buy the day before or the day of, depending on the time of the shower. 

I only buy off the registry 50% of the time: if the couple is well-off, I buy something frivolous; if the couple is just starting out, I try to stick to the registry.

Curious, what is the logic behind this? I would be really p!ssed off if I got a frivolous gift and was told the above. Just because someone may be "well off" to you does not mean that they are, or somehow shouldn't get a practical gift.

Gosh, if you got a frivolous gift and you outright asked me why I got you that, I would be the one to be annoyed... But since you asked, I am talking about the trust fund or similar set. I grew up in an affluent area (although I am not One of Them), so I have basically two types of friends: won't-ever-work, and earned-all-they-have.

Won't-ever-work gets something like a sterling picture frame for baby's footprints. They have what they want materially, so it's all about the sentiment and the thought behind it. A gift that reminds the MTB of me is all that counts, since they can buy their own must-have stuff.

Earned-all-they-have gets whatever I like on the registry - I buy something both useful and attractive usually, just depends what's on the list. 

I never buy pump parts, or bottle nipples, or anything similarly utilitarian. I just don't, and I don't really know anyone who does.

Would you really be "p!ssed off" about ANY gift someone gave you? I know I am honored by any and all presents I receive, and I wouldn't be offended if someone got me something either very frivolous OR very useful. Maybe that's just me.

EDIT: Where did my quote go? Hopefully it shows up now...

 I would never ask someone their logic behind a gift, that is beyond rude. I do not have to work by any means, and I do, full time, in a public sector job.  You really do not know anyone's financial picture unless you see their bank accounts and credit card bills. I know plenty of people that appear to have a lot, but really do not.

What I find off putting about your gift giving logic is the judgment you use in reaching your gift decisions. Obviously any gift is much appreciated, but to hear that you separate your friends like that is what would p!ss me off. You basically are judging your friends' incomes, which I think is always in poor taste.

But again, you did say you would be "p!ssed off" about getting a gift if its reasoning did not satisfy you:

caladpi02:

I would be really p!ssed off if I got a frivolous gift and was told the above.

To respond to your other comments, I don't separate my friends in terms of how much I love them or how much money I spend, only in what I get them. There is no judgement in buying people what they need or appreciate!

Still, I suppose what I should have said originally is that I have two types of friends: the big spenders whose finances I do not care about, and the practical types whose finances I also do not care about. For the practical types, I get practical gifts; for the big spenders, I spend the same amount of money on a completely unnecessary, "cute" gift. I used the word "frivolous", and I admit in retrospect it could come across as judge-y against the more well-to-do set.

Under such close observation, yes, I am forced to admit I don't love buying the frivolous gifts: really, cashmere booties are what you told So-and-So that this baby needs? But I do love my friends, and everyone has a different definition of "need". In the end we have plenty in common to stay friends, even if we are of different means. One thing I know for sure is that wealthy people also have painful personal problems, and everyone has the same emotions in common regardless of wealth or standing.

Also, caladpi02, I'm happy for you that you don't have to work and that you choose to do so anyway, but I'm not sure how it's relevant to my supposedly being judgemental? But seriously, um, good for you?

OP, sorry this post headed down this road! I'll stop now! I just couldn't help myself... Kinda slow here today.

crucifiedlullaby

A lot of people at my shower didn't buy off the registry but I still ended up with a lot of gorgeous stuff and everything I needed. I know it feels like a wasted effort but in the end all that matters is the baby is covered for supplies.

My mother in law harassed me for weeks about getting a registry done and then when I did she didn't even purchase anything off of it! She bought a bassinet instead which I didn't even want since I don't have much room in my place anyways. I would've much rather preferred a swing that I had picked out. Which my husbands aunt was going to get and instead "forgot we were having a girl" and picked out a boys swing "because it was cheaper."

Next time, I'm buying everything myself. :P