This board and all you ladies have been truly amazing and so helpful! I have been a very angry person for the past three months. As hard as it is I have to make some changes. I have started going to theory and it has made a difference. After I lost the twins I was not sure if I ever wanted to be pregnant again. My husband on the other hand felt that it would be very healing for us to try and have another baby. So as a compromise we decided to not try but not prevent.
That plan really did not work very well and honestly made things even more confusing. I came to a crossroads this week and was able to say with still a little guilt but less guilt that yes I would like to have another baby. The thought of being pregnant makes me want to lose it but that is where I am hoping the therapy will help. I think for now it would be best for me to starting going on the ttcal board and checking in here a little less.
I really wanted to let you all know that I appreciate all of your support and insight. Without you all sharing your stories I would have felt very alone in my grief. Keep supporting and loving each other. This is not a good bye but a see you later.