Pregnancy mentioned. "i just lost my son Connor" update...

Brayden&ConnorsMommy

hey everyone, i am just checking back in here finally.nbsp; thank you all again for your words of support.nbsp; they mean so much.nbsp; i wanted to give you all my update...we just found out we are pregnant with baby number 3!nbsp; i am about 6 weeks along right now.nbsp; its only been about 3.5 months since the loss of my baby connor but my husband and i knew we had to try to get pregnant again, this is our way of moving forward.nbsp; i have never had a miscarriage or any pregnancy problems but now that we lost connor so unexpected, even though the circumstances are so completely different i just have this fear of losing this baby...either during pregnancy or after birth.nbsp; i just feel like God has taken one of our children when we didnt think that would ever happen to us, so whos to say he wouldnt do it again.nbsp; how have anynbsp; of you coped with pregnancy after loss?nbsp; many of you lost your children during pregnancy making that fear even more concrete, how did you cope?nbsp; i have no reason to think i could loose this baby but i never thought id loose my connor either.nbsp; i will also say that beside the fear that i have every day, i am beyond excited at the thought of another baby.nbsp; i miss connor every day and in fact i miss him even more now than ever but this baby gives me a reason to be excited about something, which we havent had since august 29 when we lost our connor.nbsp; my oldest brayden is beyond excited to have another baby brother or sister but again his preoccupation with death has reared its ugly head again and he asked me how old this baby will be when it dies and will we bury this baby brother or sister next to connor.nbsp; and its amazing how a four year old sees things because he doesnt say this while crying or being devastated, he says it matter of fact and casually like he would ask me what hes having for lunch.nbsp; this is his reality.nbsp; hes a happy child and connors death has not taken that away.nbsp; hes full of life and happiness and carefree thinking.nbsp; he just also sees death as a normality now and talks about it as such.nbsp; any thoughts or advice for me and my family as we prepare for our next chapter in life?nbsp; we are due august 3, 2013 :

HullGut

Hello and congrats on the BFP! I will be praying for you. I was in a support group and one woman was talking about losing future babies and how scared she is. The therapist said when you start to think like that you need say to your self "this is an irrational thought" and just keep saying it until you feel better. 

 

I don't know if that will help but I figured I would throw it out there just in case.

 I know what you mean about getting pregnant again as a way of moving forward, we are right there with you.

 

 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

You may want to go over to the Pregnancy After Loss board.  They'll be better able to answer your questions.  A lot of women here aren't to that point in their lives yet and may never be.  Wishing you a happy and health 9 months

magdalina.h

I don't think you should go over to pgal since most of those losses are early losses and while a loss is a loss, there is still a difference. You should put a warning in your title that the post is going to be about current pregnancy. Now for "normal" pregnancy issues yeah you should post over there.

 Congratulations on your pregnancy. Being pregnant after a loss is scary. Just remember that today you are pregnant and you love your baby. You can't jinx your pregnancy and you can't control what happens. All you can do is love this baby because if something does happen, you will know that your baby was just as loved as your other babies.

I got pregnant 4 months after we lost Aidan and it was hard. I was still grieving hardcore, but still so excited for the new pregnancy. We (late loss moms) never reach that point where we feel safe. It's not 12w, it's not 24w it's not until we have the baby in our arms that we feel safe...for a minute. Then it's the whole new level of anxiety. So for right now, enjoy your pregnancy. If you need to talk, let me know. My baby after a loss is almost 2 now.

Brayden&ConnorsMommy

I only titled it what i did because i was posting an update to my original post titled that. For anyone who is unfamiliar with it i explained that on august 29, 2012 my 14 month old son went down for a nap and then couple hours later we found him dead...no explanation. I am posting in this group because my entire life right now is my grief over my loss. I feel more comfortable in a group about loss because that is what i am going through. My pregnancy and my fears are all rooted in my loss and the death of my beautiful son is the forefront of mind. By saying that others in the group are not where i am yet i am not sure if you mean they are just not pregnant again or if you mean mentally there because i promise you i dont know where i am mentally yet..its only been just over 3 months since i last saw my baby connor and i am no way coming to terms with his death. I am pregnant again now and i am scared and happy and everything in between. I was simply reaching out for some help from all those sweet supportive people who responded to my first post. Did not mean to upset anyone. It is so hard to find anyone who understands...no one else i know personally has lost a child like i have so i am seeking out this group for those who understand my overwhelming emotions..

littleusfamily

Brayden&Connors Mommy, you have PM  

LuckEinLuv

Please don't think that we don't want you posting here. That was not anyone's intention in their responses. Personally, I opened your post this morning to read your update and see how you were doing. I was a bit taken back to see the pregnancy announcement. I am very happy for you, but as someone who has been trying unsuccessfully for the last year, it was painful. The only reason someone suggested that you put a warning in the title was so that people who do not want to see pregnancy announcements could avoid the post. Again, you are always welcome to post here and no one was suggesting that you are finished grieving. Lots of love.

HullGut

I cannot imagine what is going on in your mind right now, but I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and will be hoping that everything goes well. 

Hang in there..hugs 

buggirl72

Congrats on your BFP and I can only imagine your fears.  While I agree that you should continue to post on this board as long as you want/need the support, I am going to disagree with the PP who told you not to post on PgAL. While a lot of those women are dealing with miscarriage losses not all of them are. It is pregnancy after a loss not after a miscarriage.  More importantly, they will completely understand the fears you are having now about this pregnancy. Lurk on their board and see if you think they will be able to give you additional support.

((((hugs)))) to you and your family.

hoping4more

Congrats on the BFP!!

(next time try putting   it should get you the spaces and not just the letters showing up in your posts)

StephK86

I went back to read your original post. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son. No mother should have to bury their child. It is so hard when you have no real answers either. I lost my first son when he was a baby so I know what you are going through. If you ever need to talk or anything I am here for you.

Also congrats on your pregnancy. I totally get why you and your husband started trying again. My SO and I started to try again shortly after our son's death as well. Some may judge but those people have not walked in our shoes. ((HUGS))

Jam0303

I am truly sorry for your loss. And I am so very happy to hear you pregnancy news. We all should be. Your decision to move forward in life and your recent pregnancy after such a big loss are inspirational. I can understand why you'd be worried and I am not sure that anyone can tell you how to stop worrying. Maybe try this when you find yourself going in the direction of worrying: as soon as you find yourself worrying, think of a blessing you have in your life, something you are grateful for (your son Brayden, I am sure). This might stop those long and worrisome trains of thoughts. Instead, you will counter every worry and negative thought with a positive one. Look, my advice might be total crap, because I can't even begin to understand the depth of your loss. But I have a good feeling that your spirit is a strong one. 

Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.  

Brayden&ConnorsMommy

Final update everyone.. my fears came true and I lost the baby at 11.5 weeks. I have now lost two babies. DH and I are TTC again but with no luck. My son Connors birthday is coming up..he should be turning two..and I am having a really hard time. Its been 8.5 mo since we lost him . Been VERY emotional lately and I have tears stinging the back of my eyes most of the time.