Trying not to cry at my desk right now...

meli1025

So my client is holding their holiday party as I write this, and I am sitting at my desk and all I want to do is curl up in a ball crying.  The cafeteria and lobby are filled with desserts..along with a chocolate fountain with fruit and holiday music and festive people.  I want to throw up and cry at the same time.  The only real times I felt Ava's kicks was after eating sweets..and only two weeks after I started really feeling her she was gone.  I just think about how much I should be fat and happy and indulging right now and instead I'm sitting at my desk with a lump in my throat writing this.  I cried for a bit in a bathroom stall but the lump is still there.  I need a good, ugly cry and if I do that here my face will be red for an hour. I can't wait to get in my car and head home.  (

tuscanbride2007

Oh hun! I am so sorry that you are so sad right now. Sending you big hugs to make it through!

buggirl72

Huge (((((hugs)))) Meli - I hope you get to leave soon.

karebear57

I am so sorry! Big huge (((hugs))) for you. 

starburst0928

I hope you've been able to have your big, ugly cry by now! Thinking of you!

calibride2005

My heart goes out to you ((hugs)) it is going to be tough for a while.

Williamandshawnna

So Sorry. Huge Hugs.

jlcrhw

((Big Hugs))

OSUWifey09

*lots of hugs*

meli1025

Thanks ladies.  I'm feeling a little better today and I did have my big ugly cry on my way home.  Left a little early, around 4pm.  Yesterday really made me realize that I can't go to ANY holiday parties this year, except for when we have family at my house on Christmas Eve.  At least with my own close family I can cry and escape when I need to and everyone will understand.  Other than that, I will not attend any parties and especially those that involve work.  Hugs to you all. 

meli1025

J&J09:

Huge hugs  Meli.  Please let me know if you want someone to talk to.  I will gladly PM you my number. 

 

J&J - I can't figure out how to send a PM!  I feel like we do have a lot in common.  We both have little boys and lost our little girls right around the same point in our pregnancies.  I too, have had people say to me "at least you have James" and it really doesn't make me feel better at all. If anything, I carry even more guilt because I failed to give him his little sister that he could be playing with and loving here on earth.  We're both also going to start TTC next month...so we should be on the same TTCAL journey.  If you can PM me your number or your email address it would be good to connect.  I know how to get to my inbox and check messages (I've never gotten any though).  But I just can't figure out how to send a new message to someone.

HullGut

Meli-

 I totally understand what your feeling, it must be so tough. I cried the other day because DH was eating a snickers ice cream bar and that is what I ate when I was pregnant. Then I thought about feeling him kick and how he is not here now and how I don't know if I can ever eat those again. It always surprises me how something like that can trigger me but it can. I hope your feeling a little better today.