I have a question for everyone :) ?

BreezesMother

I'm just curious how being in a blended family works for you all. 

 

My story: Have one little girl, 16 months old, divorced from her Father. Thinking about having a real relationship with a new guy,he has a son,20 months old. 

If we do get serious, we mentioned just making us all a big family, and maybe having one more addition too

SO I am quite curious about this and if anyone wants to share their story I'd be so greatful!

 

God Bless! 

fellesferie

One thing to consider is that every blended family is different. What works for some people doesn't work for others. How yours works is going to depend on your relationship with each other as well as both kids other parents. 

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I'd be a little wary of "thinking about having a real relationship" in the same breath as talking about "having one more addition." I'm all for planning and thinking ahead, but I think you have to build in some time to evaluate each other as partners and as parents. 

In a BF situation--especially yours--you have the opportunity to actually see how the other person parents. I think that is a huge bonus and something to really pay attention to. 

My son was 1 when XH and I divorced. He was (barely) 3 when I introduced him to DH. We all lived together for a year before DH and I married, and looking back I cannot believe we moved as fast as we did. My son is now almost 8 and DH and I have a almost 3-year-old daughter together. We're very happy, but in hindsight I think we would have been smart to give things more time. 

BreezesMother

Thanks for you reply, I'll definitely be vary wary about the decisions I make.

 Oh, and I definitely do "observe" his parenting skills haha  

 

I am glad everything is working out for you!!

 

God Bless!! 

lvnlife3184

in my situation i am a SM to 2 and expecting my first LO any day now. I did not meet my (then) future step children until about 5 months into my relationship with my DH. He was quite eager for me to meet them though (as any proud parent would be) but i held off knowing i wanted to get to know HIM first then get to know his children and him together.

I think a lot will depend on relationships you and this other person have with your ex'es though. Even though my DH and I tried to take steps correctly and I tried to meet the BM in our situation before the children, she refused to meet me. I was respectful and wouldn't confront her until i finally got fed up and during an evening she was picking the children up I said i would not go hide in another room. She has never been very pleasant but everybody has their own feelings. just tread carefully and put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would feel looking in on your own situation as an outsider.

Before i got serious with my DH I had also explained to him even though he has 2 of his own currently, I wanted to have a child also and that was something we talked about before going forth with the relationship. We never took on the "family role" until about a 1 1/2 - 2 years into the relationship though. we were engaged (about a month from the wedding) before taking a trip with us and his children. Just be careful about jumping into it very quickly. it can really seem great but be overwhelming in the long run.

Sunday924

When DH and I met I had a 12 month old DD and he had a 7 yo son and 2 month old son. We wanted to make us a big family so we moved very fast and moved in together with in 6 months of dating. It felt right and we both knew it was crazy as crazy gets but it worked out! We waited a while to get married so it's only been a little over 2 years married but 5.5 years together we are still going strong. Since we already had two babies in the home we waited to have our DS until they were older.

It's had it's ups and downs but I think everyone goes through that. I will say it's much harder now with a 13 yo then it was with a 7 yo.

dor79

We are family of 5... (Me, DH, our son 19 months, and his two, SD 13, SS15)

 I have been in the kids lives for most of their lives.  Their father and I did not start dating til SS was 6 an SD was 4.  This was a year after their parents seperated.  I didn't want to be husbands re-bound and I wanted the kids to have time to adjust to their new lives with visits and such before I even considered dating their father.  I also had to be sure their father was willing to have more children in the future.

We dated on an off for years all while living in seperate places.  In 2009 we got married and finally moved into together into the house we bought (the kids were 10 and 12).  The kids knew when we got married that we would want to expand our family....

My goal was to build a stable and positive relationship that the kids could look up to and basically be an anchor for them. 

+just+j+

I'm not sharing my story because it will scare the bajeezus out of you.

My advice? Be smart. Don't let love and your enamorment with each other get in the way of your common sense.  Be real and honest with each other and most of all, be honest with yourself about HIM and whether or not he meets your criteria for a good husband and father.

 

AliW220

So like the first reply, looking back on things, I cannot believe me and FI took things as fast as we did. But that's life, live and learn.

FI (not DH due to $, oh the joys of life), and I met in college. I was married to my XH, he was married to his XW.  We became best friends. FI and his XW had a baby. Then they got divorced, mental illness on her end led to safety concerns of the baby, so FI got primary placement.  My marriage was over, but without the divorce stamp. 

I had to move out of the apartment I shared with XH, and he was so revengeful that I didn't want to stay with my parents and have him do anything stupid. So I stayed at FI house... and eventually just never left. FI helped me through the legal side of my divorce, since I did it pro se. 

About 5 months later, we found out I was pregnant. Surprise! And that's how we got our very non-traditional family of four.

We moved fast. Very fast. It was insane. As a mother now, I cannot believe he let me move in so quickly with him and his son (I wasn't even divorced... go ahead.. flame away...). But then again, we had been best friends like 2 years. And like another commenter said, part of what drew me to him was how wonderful he was with his son. He was always so good about making sure that I didn't feel I had to do things for his son, baths, buying clothes, feeding, etc. since I wasn't his BM, but I did all those things because I love that little boy and I want to take care of him. Knowing that separation of things was important at the very beginning.

Keep the best interest of your child in mind at all times. Use your common sense. Don't let your heart drive you to make any decisions that your brain in hesitant on.  Don't be afraid to tell this guy when you feel it  needs to slow down.

AliW220

fellesferie:

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I'd be a little wary of "thinking about having a real relationship" in the same breath as talking about "having one more addition." I'm all for planning and thinking ahead, but I think you have to build in some time to evaluate each other as partners and as parents. 

Well, it's one thing to plan on having another baby with this guy that you're not quite yet in a relationship with, versus knowing you want another child period. 

FI and I had a talk very early on about having kids, it was a deal-breaker, and seeing that he already had child, I had to clear it up quick if he wanted more. If he didn't then there was no sense in continuing a relationship with him.

I guess my point is that there are different ways of approaching it...