Late loss mamas, tell me about your rainbow's birth

weddedwife

Hi ladies,

I'm getting really apprehensive knowing this LO could arrive any day now. This pg was so sketchy for so long, we never let ourselves "go there" and think about what delivery would be like. Suddenly, I am faced with it and I don't think I'm prepared emotionally! I'm afraid it will be overwhelming and sad. Adding to that, we are team green and I am panicking: what if its another boy and he looks just like Nathaniel? What if its a girl and I feel a twinge of disappointment? I'll feel so guilty either way. We will give birth in the same hospital where Nathaniel was born and died. Thankfully I have been back there many times since but not to deliver a baby.

What was that moment like for you? We're you happy? Sad? Relieved? Overwhelmed? Did you give birth in the same hospital, and if so what was that like? How was this birth the same or different than your angel's?

I'm kind of a mess all of a sudden. I never thought I'd make it this far, so now that we are playing the waiting game, the anticipation is crushing.

drvst8

This will probably get a little long but I hope some of it helps. I hope it makes sense because at the time everything was a little hazy. My emotions were all over the place. I was pretty much scared to death the whole time I was pregnant. The NST's and AFI's helped some but overall I was terrified.

 When we got pregnant again it was a surprise I never thought we would get pregnant again so fast. We both work at the hospital that we delivered Logan at. So we both had some time to get used to the idea of delivery DD there too. Appts were still hard and when it came time for our A/S I had to know what we were having so I could handle it when he or she got here. It was very emotional. But we knew we would be happy either way. Your very brave and have so much will power to stay team green. Our induction was scheduled and I never thought we would have her before that date. So I was preparing myself for that. When my water broke at 36wks and 5days I was in shock. I wasn't even sure that it was my water.

I was so scared something was wrong all the way to the hospital. DH flew there and I swear it only took 10 mins to get there. Normally its 20 mins. When they took us to triage...of course we got the same bed where we found out Logan no longer had a heartbeat. Cue the panic attack. The nurse said she would be right back to hook us up. She was taking her sweet time...and finally DH decided he couldn't wait any longer to make sure DD was ok in there. So he went out to get the nurse and ended up running into my MW. She was the most amazing person though this whole thing btw. She immediately came in and hooked me up and reassured me that everything was ok. Seeing her made everything a little better...and getting the heartbeat right away didn't hurt either. The whole process was so much different this time around. We labored and walked the hallway. They never took me of the monitors so it was nice hearing her heart beat the whole time. When I finally got my epidural so that I could rest a little so that I had enough energy to push...I feel asleep and woke up around 6 with the overwhelming fear. I started to cry instantly. It was just too much to handle at the time. We were only a few days away from Logan's first birthday and here I was getting ready to welcome his little sister. DH and I cried together for awhile...and I was finally able to calm down just in time to have to push.

My MW couldn't deliver DD because she wasn't on call...but we had a wonderful resident. And of course a room full of people. Including the NICU because she was technically premature. This resident was actually the same one that had the unfortuntate task of telling us last time that Logan was gone. So when she came to check on me all night...she was very emotional too. When she first came in the to check on us I asked her if she remembered us. She said how could I forget you guys. She said she was so happy to see us back. So back to pushing when it was time to push she asked me if I wanted the baby on my chest when she came out. Cue my nurse...the nurse said I couldn't have that because the baby was premature. My the dr and nurse started arguing back and forth. I yelled out that I didn't care I just wanted to know the baby was ok. But the resident insisted it was ok...and the NICU Dr chimed in and said it was fine with her as the baby was crying. It didn't take long...I pushed for about 5 mins and DD made her appearance. Screaming her head off. DH and I were both crying. I couldnt stop. And the Dr was crying too. It was the most emotional experience I have ever been through. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I never thought I would get to the point. I immediately got to hold her and I thought my heart was going to stop.

In that moment I think I had every emotion. Happy that she was finally here. Sad that I never got to have that with Logan. Scared that something would happen to her. Overwelmed that I had finally gotten to this point. So finally just days before the 1 year anniversary of losing Logan I had my rainbow and she was the most amazing thing ever. I was so upset though because they made us stay an extra day because she was premature. 7lbs 10oz premie. Haha. There was nothing wrong with her. But it meant that we were going to be in the hospital on the day we found out we lost Logan. I didn't want to be anywhere near there on that day. So there I was happy and sad...I am so in love with both of my babies. Logan is always here watching over us. And he made sure DD made it here safe and sound.

drvst8

I just wanted to say I can't believe you are almost there already. Time has flown by. You will do great. I can't wait to see pics of your rainbow.

Petunia844

It was obviously very emotional.  I went med free, and through much of the labor I felt very much that Peyton was there with me, keeping me strong and keeping Raylan safe.  The labor got so intense that eventually I wasn't thinking of much else.  I remember when they put him on my chest I was kind of in shock, I was also terrified.  I just kept asking is he ok?  Why isn't he screaming?  Why is he blue?  I don't think I believed he would be ok.  The first very intense wave of emotion actually came when DH held him.  When he first held Peyton I could literally feel my heart breaking, I was so looking forward to seeing him with his son...so to see him get to be the dad we'd both been waiting for was incredibly emotional.  It was an absolutely amazing day and an emotional roller coaster.  You will be sad, but you will also appreciate that amazing little rainbow more than most people can imagine.  As far as a boy looking like him, Raylan really does have a lot of similarities to his brother and I love that.  Yes it breaks my heart sometimes but it also makes me so happy.  I cannot wait for your birth story!

butterflynola

We knew what we were having so we were prepared in that respect. I didn't however think that I would ever actually be having a baby. I think that I thought I would just be pregnant forever so actually being admitted that night was like wow this could really happen. It was the same hospital but thankfully not the same room. I don't know how to describe it but it was a completely different experience and I mean that in the most wonderful way. Even knowing that he was a boy I was curious to see if he would like the DD that we lost but he didn't he was his own little person and it was an amazing experience. Of course it will be emotional but hopefully in a good way. It was exactly 1 yr and 12 days since I was there experiencing the worst day of my life and instead it was by far the very best day. I hope you have an amazing experience and try to not stress about it too much. GL!