Short MIL Rant

ariasbabyblog

So we stopped by her house Friday night to drop off some things from Costco and pick up some other stuff she had for us and the first thing she says is how upset she is that we didn't send her a text letting her know the baby was kicking. Um... he started kicking at 11:00PM when we were going to bed, why would I get up and text you? She is also upset that she is apparently the last to know and why didn't we think to tell her? She also wouldn't quit touching my belly and when I lightly smacked her hands and told her to knock it off, she told me that as grandma she has rights and I'll just have to get used to it. I'm very private and not horribly touchy, this is common knowledge. What should I do? I waited to ask so I could be sure my irritation wasn't just a gut reaction.

stefaniecadell

UGH! She has no rights to YOUR body or baby. She sounds completely out of line & is overreacting. The next time she reaches for your belly I would gently hold her hand away from your stomach, look her in the eye & sternly inform her that touching your belly at will is not ok- the next time she wants to feel the baby, ask for permission first.

 

If that doesn't work- carry a fly swatter.

OhSewCrafty

When the baby gets here she can touch HIM all she wants. Until then, all she's doing is rubbing on you and can lay off. I'm right with ya on that one.

saralynn7

She's just lucky I'm not her DIL. She has no right to be touching you or anyone else regardless of relation.

carpozi

If you haven't had to set boundaries with her due to getting married, you're going to have to now.  And I can guarantee that her reaction(s) will only get worse and intensify when the baby is here, not go away.  Start setting clear limits with her now and get your DH on board to help defend you!

NativeFloridian

Sorry, but no.  Nobody has a right to touch me unless they okay it with me first.  Grandma rights my foot.  She's not touching him she's touching you.  If it were me, I'd back away, tell her exactly that ("actually, there's skin, muscle, uterus, and amniotic fluid between you and him, it's me you're touching, and I want you to stop now"), and let her throw her little hissy fit.

Grandparents have tendency to get really excited, so don't shut her down on everything, but she does need to know what your limits are.  Physical boundaries are kind of a big deal, so make sure you set them with clarity.

Trish&Pete07

Umm she is GRANDMA she had NO rights on YOUR body!! I HATE this train of thought and deal with it at times with my MIL. Although she isn't very touchy feely when I'm pg. Now that the girls are getting older and they go over for sleepovers I have to be very careful with her. She had told my girls that "if mommy is mean and doesn't let you do/have something you can just come live with us" They are only 2 and 3 what are they going to think at 15 and 16 when I tell them no.They have told my SIL's children that they should ask their mom for their papers and then they can live with nana and papa instead of mom and dad, now wouldn't that be fun.  I hate it when she says stuff like this. I know DH didn't have a crazy close relationships with his grandparents but he still loves them and we still visit them and all that. I know she wants to be close to her grand kids but will not back me up in any of the discipline I try to do. I have called her and told her that we weren't coming over for a visit because DD1 was misbehaving and I took that privilege away from her. MIL was FURIOUS. I have also put DD in time out and have left early because of misbehavior and MIL was not impressed. Too bad, they are MY kids not hers and she had no rights to them in my opinion. I will do all I can to make sure my children have close relationships with family but I am their mother and I am the boss. Sorry if you don't like it. Dh has had a hard time standing up to his parents but it is easier for him to stick up for me then to deal with the backlash at home. I love that she is always ready and willing to watch my kids for me so I can go for a dr's appt or out with the hubby but in the end I take them home, I'm mom, I make the rules and you are just nana. 

Sorry so long. this is a bit of a hot button topic at my house right now, especially with Christmas coming up.  

Trish&Pete07

Sorry I know I already responded with a long winded rant of my own but after reading the other replies I want to add that it is better to set the boundaries now. once baby is here there will be another whole can of worms to deal with. Better that she learns now so that she can respect your decisions later too. I know with my girls I had to be very vocal for my opinions to be heard. made for some interesting visits but she also knows that I won't back down to easily and usually does what I say. I made a rule about washing hands before touching baby and she thought it was a bit over board but after a few times of me asking her to wash her hands it just became an expectation. She also loved to take DD out of her car seat as soon as we arrived regardless of if DD was sleeping or not. I started putting her down in a separate room and telling MIL to wait until she woke up. Thankfully DH was there to help reinforce this too. Make sure your DH is on your side and is willing to back you up.

Lhyacinth888

Wow, my MIL would never dream of doing this! I cannot imagine and would be mad at the whole grandma's rights thing. I am nonconfrontational person so I would probably tell her that I would let her know if the baby moves and maybe grant her one touch. Then I would always say the baby is sleeping... lol.

chlsbshp

I hate to say it but you're going to have to be the "bad cop" when it comes to your MIL. You could ask your DH to talk to her about it, I know my MIL is super sensitive, we think she's bi-polar. And usually in our marriage DH is good cop and I'm bad cop with MIL. I would tell her you're uncomfortable with someone touching you, family or not. Something tells me, you might have to tell her not to come to the delivery room either, if she's anything like my MIL (yes gross I know, she saw EVERYTHING).  What's next? Will she want to be notified when your baby has his/her first poop?

Poochie22

I haven't felt the baby kick yet, but I am getting "I'm the grandmother. therefore I will do the baby registry for you..." This whole grandmother thing is driving me crazy. I hope she doesn't try to pull the its my grandchild therefore I can touch your belly all I want deal. I think something should be said to set boundaries and I think I may need to set them too so I do not run into this problem. Good Luck.

Raven01

Trish&Pete07:

Umm she is GRANDMA she had NO rights on YOUR body!! I HATE this train of thought and deal with it at times with my MIL. Although she isn't very touchy feely when I'm pg. Now that the girls are getting older and they go over for sleepovers I have to be very careful with her. She had told my girls that "if mommy is mean and doesn't let you do/have something you can just come live with us" They are only 2 and 3 what are they going to think at 15 and 16 when I tell them no.They have told my SIL's children that they should ask their mom for their papers and then they can live with nana and papa instead of mom and dad, now wouldn't that be fun.  I hate it when she says stuff like this. I know DH didn't have a crazy close relationships with his grandparents but he still loves them and we still visit them and all that. I know she wants to be close to her grand kids but will not back me up in any of the discipline I try to do. I have called her and told her that we weren't coming over for a visit because DD1 was misbehaving and I took that privilege away from her. MIL was FURIOUS. I have also put DD in time out and have left early because of misbehavior and MIL was not impressed. Too bad, they are MY kids not hers and she had no rights to them in my opinion. I will do all I can to make sure my children have close relationships with family but I am their mother and I am the boss. Sorry if you don't like it. Dh has had a hard time standing up to his parents but it is easier for him to stick up for me then to deal with the backlash at home. I love that she is always ready and willing to watch my kids for me so I can go for a dr's appt or out with the hubby but in the end I take them home, I'm mom, I make the rules and you are just nana. 

Sorry so long. this is a bit of a hot button topic at my house right now, especially with Christmas coming up.  

I can't even imagine how I would react to this. I'm annoyed just thinking about this being said. I would have major issues with your MIL if she was mine. Hope things with your MIL get better for you

JSS1002

You should jam your hands into her tummy and see how she likes it.

Bink720

OhSewCrafty:

When the baby gets here she can touch HIM all she wants. Until then, all she's doing is rubbing on you and can lay off. I'm right with ya on that one.

I agree with all of this.  Although if subtle hints (and by subtle I mean clearly laying out that it's not appropriate to touch you) weren't working, I would start reaching out and touching her belly or face and anywhere else until she got the memo.  "My husband used to be in your uterus... that means I get to rub you all over too... right?  At least, that's what I'm learning from your logic."  That's just me.