Proper protocol XP from my BMB

PnkDingo

What's proper protocol for getting things like addresses from people so they can be sent invitations to an event that you have no idea if they'd want to attend in the first place? I feel weird messaging people and asking

Most of my friends are still child-less, and scattered about the state a lot in the past few years. There are some that I just know off the bat won't be interested in attending a baby shower, but my mother asked me to get her a list of names and addresses so that she can send out the invitations soon...so I need to come up with addresses of people that would attend.

I just feel weird messaging or calling someone and saying "Hey, wanna come to a party and buy stuff for my kid?" in order to get their address... Do I just ask people for their address without explanation? I feel weird doing that, too, kind of. It's kind of creepy.

What do I do, people? I have a feeling you're all less socially awkward than I am and will have better ideas/solutions.

Of The Eld

I went with "hey So and so is throwing me a shower, give me your address so she can send you an invite. I'd love for you to be there to hang out"

most people know how showers work, but if they express worry about getting you something, then you can be all "Don't worry about, just show up"

PnkDingo

I've never done holiday cards, but I basically leveled with a friend who is well versed in party planning and asked what she would do and she gave the same advice as pp#1, so I sent out a few emails and left phone messages saying my mom wanted me to make a list of addresses for shower invites. I've already heard back from most people saying they'd love to come, so I'm pleasantly surprised.

a13049

I also found it a little awkward when I emailed friends about their addresses. I wanted to make sure it wascappropriately worded. Like you, I was very happy with the excited replies I got. I think most people are aware of how showers work and are happy to send their addresses

MelleTX

I just sent a Facebook message or an email that said, "Hey, can I have your address?"

If someone knows you are pregnant and then you ask for their address, they will know why you are asking. If you feel too awkward asking someone for their address to invite them to you shower, then maybe you are not close enough to that person for them to be invited.  

Liz4444

MelleTX:

I just sent a Facebook message or an email that said, "Hey, can I have your address?"If someone knows you are pregnant and then you ask for their address, they will know why you are asking. If you feel too awkward asking someone for their address to invite them to you shower, then maybe you are not close enough to that person for them to be invited. nbsp;

Last sentence, word for word what I was thinking. Well, maybe not word for word, Melle is much more eloquent than I am.

Jillwithani

When my mom asked for addresses I sent out facebook/text messages asking for addresses if people would be interested in going to the baby shower and I gave the date. Not everyone responded which was fine so I think it saved the awkwardness of rsvp'ing no. 

PnkDingo

MelleTX:

If you feel too awkward asking someone for their address to invite them to you shower, then maybe you are not close enough to that person for them to be invited.  

 

It really had nothing to do with feeling awkward asking for their address for the shower and everything to do with not wanting to impose some sort of expectation of attendance on them when I was not positive whether or not they would be interested. I didn't want to assume. I have a hard time socially, so things like this weigh pretty heavily on my mind.

a13049

Semantics aside, whether or not you felt "awkward." I agree that it's more a situation of not wanting to impose some sort of expectation of attendance, before an invite has even hit their mailbox. The assumption that someone is uncomfortable in a different social situation, doesn't mean they are any less close with their guest. I find communication through email and text difficult a majority of the time anyways, because you can't type inflection and tone.

Liz4444

a13049:

Semantics aside, whether or not you felt "awkward." I agree that it's more a situation of not wanting to impose some sort of expectation of attendance, before an invite has even hit their mailbox. The assumption that someone is uncomfortable in a different social situation, doesn't mean they are any less close with their guest. I find communication through email and text difficult a majority of the time anyways, because you can't type inflection and tone.

Then wouldn't an invitation also be an expectation of attendance? By your theory, she shouldn't have the shower at all because having a party means expecting that people will want to attend.

MelleTX

I expected everyone I invited to my showers to attend. If I didn't expect their attendance, I would not have invited them. And almost everyone did attend. Those who didn't had other commitments for that day/time. I didn't feel imposing. These were people who were close friends and family and I knew they would want to be there to celebrate with me. 

If you are not sure if they will want to come to your shower or not, they should probably not be invited.  

PnkDingo

It's already been dealt with. My message/email was worded as:

My mother is planning to throw a baby shower in mid to late January and would like to get together a list of addresses for invitations. If you're interested in attending, I'd love to hear back from you and will pass along the information to my mother. 

Of the handful of people I emailed/called I had 2 decline stating baby showers weren't their thing, but most of the rest called/emailed that they are looking forward to it. I'm only waiting to hear back from 1 person, and if no response in another few days, I'll pass along the list to my mother. Pretty sure I figured the protocol out. Thank you for your advice.

ggatlanta

You're overthinking it. If you are friends, honestly no one will mind giving out their addresses. It's wise to keep a list of them anyway. And if there's someone whom you really don't know well enough to ask, you ought not invite her.

Keep it simple. A mass email (and please use BCC so you don't unwittingly share all the addresses) saying, "Can you please send me your address? Happy holidays!" will suffice.

This time of year, everyone will think it's for a card anyway, which might easy the uncomfortable feeling you have.