First of friends to have baby- anyone else?

Runner313

I have a few acquaintances that have babies/young kids, but DH and I are the first in our close circle of friends to have a baby. I enjoy coming on TB and reading about all of the January mamas' experiences but lately I have felt somewhat isolated for having no one in a similar boat in real life. I feel like my friends will start having babies soon, and I know some are currently trying to get pregnant, but I just wish I had a close friend to share my experiences/excitement/complaints with in real life. Has anyone been through this or currently experiencing it? By no means do I think it is a huge deal but I was reminded of it today when making small talk with my friends about their weekend plans- and mine are so vastly different. Any words of advice? Thanks for reading!

Alyssa102

This was me with DD.  I was (and still am) the only one of my close friends to be married and have a baby.  It is hard, because priorities are so different and they just did not understand that I can't just go hang out at a bar anymore.  Although, I still speak to these friends, I would not call them my best friends anymore. (unfortunately)

I met new mommy friends while on maternity leave and it was really nice to have people who understand what you are going through.  Once the baby is born, try to see if there are any playgroups in your area.

tsweet16

I'm the first and most of my friends aren't even close - single or in grad school. I have two friends that want to start soon but they or their SO aren't ready yet. I feel like a broken record talking about the pregnancy with my friends, they are all really excited but sometimes I feel like it's all I have to talk about.

Runner313

tsweet16:

I'm the first and most of my friends aren't even close - single or in grad school. I have two friends that want to start soon but they or their SO aren't ready yet. I feel like a broken record talking about the pregnancy with my friends, they are all really excited but sometimes I feel like it's all I have to talk about.

I know what you mean! I feel like that is all that is on my mind these days so I worry that they are tired of hearing about me being pregnant, baby stuff, etc. because these topics are just not on their radar.  Once they decide to have kids, I know they will be coming to me asking one million questions, though.  

Runner313

Alyssa102:

I met new mommy friends while on maternity leave and it was really nice to have people who understand what you are going through.  Once the baby is born, try to see if there are any playgroups in your area.

Thanks! I will definitely be doing this- time to make some new friends!  

TexasMom7137

This was me and DH when we had DS. All of our close friends are just now getting married and we are now on #2. Thankfully, this time around we are more involved at our church and 4 different ladies in my church group are having babies or just had one. It is so nice to have friends at the same stage in life. It did feel very isolating with DS and I think that contributed to the PPD I had. I am hoping it will be easier this time around.

mreinke8289

Yes, of our group of friends, we are the first to start having kids (one friend has middle school aged kids from a previous marriage who visit sometimes). 

Funny you should mention weekend plans because ours are already starting to clash.  Husband GMs for his buddies for D20.  They've been trying to get together for the next chapter but the weekend they picked we have our last birthing class.  We still haven't worked on the house (money always had another emergency to attend to. ugh) which means more occupied weekends. 

Going places is going to be so different!  I think our friends will be helpful, but just different. Even though we are the first to have kids, we are the youngest by far so hopefully they'll be good with us.

jobiann

That would be difficult. We had issues conceiving so we are actually on the backside of all our friends as far as having kids go.

Are there any Mom's groups in your area, anything through church at all? 

PatsyGK21

DH and I were the first couple for everything, engagement, big boy and girl jobs, marriage, and now babies. I love all my friends and they are super supportive, but it's different. I kinda just shrug my shoulders when they go out to the bar every weekend and think my plans of having a happy healthy child are way more important and fun! I know I will meet new mommy friends. DH is in the military and is close with a lot of the guys and I know some of their wives are pregnant, so I'm sure  I will be getting more accquaitned with them over the next few months.

brianabrad

I have kind of two groups of friends. BFF has two little ones already but for my second group, I'll be the first. Another friend though is due in May and I have a feeling another will announce sometime in 2013 or early 2014. We had a lot of weddings in my group of friends last year so I would assume that means lots of babies in the years to come.

I have to say I love that BFF has two little ones. She is way more understand than some of my other friends and my pregnancy has just brought us closer together. Sadly, I think my marriage and pregnancy has separated me from some of my other friends though because they are unmarried, single and nowhere close to starting a family so it just seems like we are too different these days.

BLPL101

DH and I are from CA so all our family/friends live there (we moved to TN last year) and don't have any real friends here yet. Very few of my friends in CA are in serious relationships, let alone thinking about marriage/kids. I think it will be easier to make friends once Caroline is born and I join mom groups.

Of The Eld

I have exactly two Acquaintances that already have kids, everyone else still pretty much lives in our old college town. We used to hang out a lot, but now I hardly hear from any of them, even when they come into "the city" (which for the record is Dallas; exactly 20 minutes away from them and 5 from me) they don't even bother to call me.(I find out on facebook) They're throwing me a baby shower tomorrow, and I haven't even been in contact with 2 of the hosts since before I got pregnant! It feels strange that they are going through all this trouble for me (For which I Am REALLY REALLY grateful, don't get me wrong) but I'd kinda rather be invited to come watch the game with them, or go with them to karaoke or whatever. No, I can't drink, but doesn't that just make me the Best DD ever? I hate feeling so isolated. this baby is my ticket into grown up friends, I guess, since I'm going to find myself a Moms group as soon as I get settled in with him.

artroyer

Yupp!  I too know that some friends are "close", meaning they will start trying in 1-2 years.  Some other friends already have their kids so unfortunately they wont be too close in age to my little one, but at least I'll have some other friends to talk to about this stuff once she's here...

One friend is pregnant now, about 12 weeks, but unfortunately we can't really connect on too much since we're in very different stages.  In the beginning of her pregnancy she was asking me lots of questions, but we don't see her all that often, and it's faded now.  I was excited when she got pregnant, but then realized it's not exactly how I pictured it... we couldn't shop for maternity clothes bc she didn't need them and now I have more than enough so when she does need them I won't have to go shopping (actually I probably won't be pregnant anymore!)... We can't really go baby shopping together because she obviously doesn't know what she's having yet and doesn't want neutral stuff...  It's still kind of like being alone haha.

clariknittist

I know what you mean - I was so thankful when one of my friends who had been trying to conceive for 5 years recently found out she is pregnant!!  I am the first in my circle, even though I am also the youngest - 30 - and some of the friends I had thought would be the most supportive have turned out to be the ones who struggle with me "moving ahead" as one of them put it.  I know they are trying in their own way, but I feel like they have already excluded me from a lot of get-togethers since I shared my news - I try to shrug it off thinking "they don't want to wear me out" since I also do work a lot, but it's been a little disappointing.  I figure though that soon enough I will be in the mommy club, and it will be that much easier to connect with other acquaintances I have who might identify a little better with my situation than some of the still single girls...but, yes, it can feel isolating for sure!!

lcunningham

Yes. All but one of my closest friends (in my age range) do not have kids. DH is a bit older so a few of his friends had kids, but luckily two of them just had their first last year. But my closest friends are kids less and not married. I wish that they did because life changes and they will never get the venting, long days, nights until they go through it. One of my friends never gets it and thinks staying at home with two little ones and being pregnant is as easy as pie! WRONG!

Advice - keep them close and even though you are at different points of your life one day it will change. Just remember that is it hard stuff being a mom and when they do not understand it, take a deep breath and know they just havent been through it yet. They do care they just dont understand.  

JumpAroundBucky

Not only are we the only ones with a kid, we are also the only married ones out of our group. It's been a little hard on them trying to understand how things will change, but they are excited for us. We try to keep them involved and see them as frequently as possible. 

Runner313

Thank you all for your responses. It is reassuring to know others feel the same way I do!  I know my friends care and are interested in how my pregnancy is going and that some of them are excited to meet the baby, but I agree that I need to join some new Moms groups and broaden my circle. I definitely need some support from other women around my age who are juggling marriage, motherhood, and a career. I am looking into a breastfeeding support group and moms and tots group. 

SarahC720

We were the first (and now second) in our main friend group to have kids. It was definitely weird at first. It's changed the dynamic of the relationship I have with the other women in the group for sure, BUT they all adore our daughter. It's not bad at all, just different. Esp. since DH and I can't really hang out in the same ways we used to. There is now another couple in our group expecting, which is super exciting for DH and I. 

I did make new friends, too. I was in nursing school when we got KU with DD. Two of my friends in class also got KU within a month or two of me and we are super great friends now. Our kiddos love each other, too. I also reconnected with an old friend from HS who had a baby girl a month and a half before I did. While it's important to stay in touch with your current group, it's also important to find people who understand the place you are at in life. I don't know where I would be without my mommy friends. Probably unhappy.