Question About Natural Consequences

sschwege

DH and I really like the foundation of the book "Parenting With Love and Logic" and employ it in a lot of our parenting techniques.  Giving choices, letting DD make her own mistakes, etc.  We definitely aren't totally sold on the book, I mean I'm not willing to let DD fail a grade in school because she doesn't want to do her homework.  But I really like the basic idea.

Part of what we have been doing recently is to let her decide if she wants to wear her coat.  I generally don't say anything, but go to put it on her and if she says 'no' then we just take it along.  If she gets cold (which she usually does) she asks for it and I put it on.  Much easier than fighting with her and everyone is happy.  Or like today at the park she insisted that she wanted to hold a ball while climbing up the playground equipment and that she did not want my help.  I assessed that it would be a short fall on to a soft surface and let her do it.  She did fall and while I caught her before she hit the ground it scared her and she was crying.  

I guess my question is how do you deal with judgmental strangers?  I feel like anyone watching would have been thinking, "Why did you let your child fall?" or "Why is your child wearing a hat and no coat?"   

kcisthebombdotcom

Strangers are going to be judgmental regardless of your parenting choices. If you feel like it's best for your kid/your family, stick with it.

mamainseptember

sschwege:

DH and I really like the foundation of the book "Parenting With Love and Logic" and employ it in a lot of our parenting techniques.  Giving choices, letting DD make her own mistakes, etc.  We definitely aren't totally sold on the book, I mean I'm not willing to let DD fail a grade in school because she doesn't want to do her homework.  But I really like the basic idea.

Part of what we have been doing recently is to let her decide if she wants to wear her coat.  I generally don't say anything, but go to put it on her and if she says 'no' then we just take it along.  If she gets cold (which she usually does) she asks for it and I put it on.  Much easier than fighting with her and everyone is happy.  Or like today at the park she insisted that she wanted to hold a ball while climbing up the playground equipment and that she did not want my help.  I assessed that it would be a short fall on to a soft surface and let her do it.  She did fall and while I caught her before she hit the ground it scared her and she was crying.  

I guess my question is how do you deal with judgmental strangers?  I feel like anyone watching would have been thinking, "Why did you let your child fall?" or "Why is your child wearing a hat and no coat?"   

I have never heard of this and I am really intrigued! I'm going to have to look into it. I don't think you should worry about strangers judging, if you feel its best for your family then that's all that counts. 

etude de la vie

KC_13:

Strangers are going to be judgmental regardless of your parenting choices. If you feel like it's best for your kid/your family, stick with it.

this. Today DD wore fire truck pants and DS wore flower pants. I got looks and comments and I just didn't care. We put those gender roles on them...they don't know any different. Why is it worth the fight they both wear 3T so why not?  

AmericanInOz

etude de la vie:

KC_13:

Strangers are going to be judgmental regardless of your parenting choices. If you feel like it's best for your kid/your family, stick with it.

this. Today DD wore fire truck pants and DS wore flower pants. I got looks and comments and I just didn't care. We put those gender roles on them...they don't know any different. Why is it worth the fight they both wear 3T so why not?  

agreed 100%

just don't worry about strangers - it's not their kid - so they don't get a say

TiffanyBerry

I haven't had any comments for this sort of thing (and we do it too - I can't tell you how many times my daughter has gone outside with no shoes when I can't fathom stepping on the ground due to the weather, though not for long periods of time).

But I let my parenting of her speak for me.  Fall and get scared?  I'm talking to her about why she fell (didn't hold on with both hands) and how she might be feeling (scared?  didn't expect to fall?) and what she might do next time.  No coat?  I've got it handy and ask every once in a while if she wants it.  Etc.  If someone did criticize?  I'd have to say "I appreciate your concern, but this is what works best for us.  Thank you."

AimeeL85

I didn't get through the whole book yet but really like it - I started giving tons of choices a couple weeks ago and DS looooves it. He proudly tells everyone "I picked!" and shows his shirt, socks, snack etc. lol

Anyway, I haven't encountered situations with strangers yet but I wouldn't think anything of it unless they decide to say something to you, and then I would give a very, very brief explanation, like "We're working on learning consequences...that we'll be cold without a coat, that we might fall if we climb this way" etc.  If they're judging to begin with, they might not "buy it" but there's not much you can do.  

KateLouise

I don't care what people think. For every parent who judges you for letting your kid fall, there would also be a parent judging you for hovering too much if you didn't let your kid fall.

You can't please all the people all of the time, so you might as well please yourself, is my basic philosophy.

Sometimes  it's easier said than done.

FWIW, it sounds like you're doing a  great job being a parent to me. 

acaudill75

I live in a city where putting your two cents in could get your two front teeth knocked out, so I don't really think you should worry too much about what everyone else thinks. Personally, I can't stand it when parents ignore their screaming children in a public place. Do I judge them? Sure, because its annoying enough when its your own kids, I don't want to deal with someone else's bad parenting. However, if you don't have a jacket on your kid, and she isn't lethargic from hypothermia, what is it my business? Who cares what anyone else thinks? If your kid is safe and well adjusted, then you win.