Working Moms

Son keeps getting bitten at DC. WWYD?

My DS is 19 months old and attends daycare three days a week. He was bitten on the cheek yesterday, which makes it the fourth time he's been bitten at daycare in the last three months or so.

Three of the bites, including yesterday's, have been hard bites. They cause DS to cry, break the skin, leave a bruise, and scab over. Two have been on the cheek and one was on the back of the arm. The fourth was a gentle bite on his wrist and just left a red mark that went away the next day.

Of course, the DC can't tell us who did it. However, according to his teacher, all of the hard bites that break the skin have happened when he was minding his own business and, each time, DS tells us that the same child, "Tara," did it.

Obviously, we don't know if this is true, but he's almost always correct when he talks to us about other things that happen during his day. On other occasions, when we ask him about his friends at school, he tells us what those friends like to do and it often changes from week to week. Yet the only thing he ever says about Tara is, "Tara, bite," and he shakes his head.

Similarly, when he got the gentle bite on his wrist, DS told us the name of a different child, "Ross." In that case, the teacher told us that DS had taken another child's truck, so at least that bite was provoked.

Each time DS gets bitten, the DC writes up an accident report and tells us in person without telling us the name of the child who did it. They also talk to that child's parent. If what DS is telling us is true, it seems like Tara is developing a habit of biting DS without provocation. DS is a pretty amiable child and usually minds his own business. His personality is not at all aggressive.

Would you talk to the director (and what can they do?) or the teacher or would you just chalk it up to the age of the kids? I know this is a prime age for biting but he keeps getting bitten hard for no apparent reason and it's upsetting. :(

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Re: Son keeps getting bitten at DC. WWYD?

  • Well it sounds like the DC is taking all the right steps, writing down what happened, informing you and the other child's parents.  It is a age thing, my DD was a biter and the bitten and at this age it is bound to happen.  But I would explain to the teacher's in the room that you are worried about this issue and you feel that maybe "if it is the same biter" that has bitten 4+ time then maybe that child needs to be shadowed more or given a teether ring to occupy their mouths.  I work in a DC and these are some of the steps we take with toddlers.  Now if it was an older child 3-5 yrs old, there might be some further steps to try to get them to stop, but chalk it up to their age.  Good luck and by the way 4+ bites in a 3month span is nothing.
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  • If it's hard enough to break skin, I think that's a real problem, even if it's age appropriate. If it weren't breaking the skin, I'd be less concerned but child services generally draws the line at leaving a bruise. If Tara is bruising your son, and breaking his skin, on a regular basis, that's crossing a line. If this happened under your care, you'd be considered responsible. Why is DCP off the hook?

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  • image EllaHella:
    image cecilyandgautam:

    If it's hard enough to break skin, I think that's a real problem, even if it's age appropriate. If it weren't breaking the skin, I'd be less concerned but child services generally draws the line at leaving a bruise. If Tara is bruising your son, and breaking his skin, on a regular basis, that's crossing a line. If this happened under your care, you'd be considered responsible. Why is DCP off the hook?

    Because it is another child biting and it is age appropriate for children that age to bite.  It doesn't take much to bruise some kids. 

    Here are some great links (not my state or daycare but identical policies)

     http://www.roxburydaycare.com/uploads/BitingPolicy.pdf

    http://www.ok.gov/health/documents/BITI ... %20rev.pdf

    Not to be snarky but you may want to read up on age appropriate behavior before you LO hits the Toddler room.  Otherwise, you will find yourself upset at daycare a lot for normal behavior.

     

    AMEN SISTER!!!!!

     

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  • My daughter attends daycare with older toddlers and there are exchanges, but there hasn't been any broken skin. 
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  • image EllaHella:
    image cecilyandgautam:

    If it's hard enough to break skin, I think that's a real problem, even if it's age appropriate. If it weren't breaking the skin, I'd be less concerned but child services generally draws the line at leaving a bruise. If Tara is bruising your son, and breaking his skin, on a regular basis, that's crossing a line. If this happened under your care, you'd be considered responsible. Why is DCP off the hook?

    Because it is another child biting and it is age appropriate for children that age to bite.  It doesn't take much to bruise some kids. 

    Here are some great links (not my state or daycare but identical policies)

     http://www.roxburydaycare.com/uploads/BitingPolicy.pdf

    http://www.ok.gov/health/documents/BITI ... %20rev.pdf

    Not to be snarky but you may want to read up on age appropriate behavior before you LO hits the Toddler room.  Otherwise, you will find yourself upset at daycare a lot for normal behavior.

     

     

     

    Yes

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  • OP - I would follow up w/ the teacher or director.

    FWIW DD went through a spell where she got bite several times, amazingly when they moved to toddler room (more room, more toys) it got better immediately.

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  • In my experience (and knowledge of past posts) the repeated biter is usually the same kid. I personally would ask the DCP more pointed questions like what they're doing to prevent it (i.e. separation during play time, shadowing), how they are reprimanding the child and lastly, if they've discussed it with the kids parents (w/out knowing who the biter is).

    it is a part of life at this age and there isn't anything you can train your LO to do differently, but some kids are chronic biters and the DCP has to be more active in controlling the biter.

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  • Unfortunately biting is an issue in that age group, but I also think it's an age where children can begin to learn what behaviors cause pain and aren't acceptable. My 16mo understands "no" and "ouch" and is learning behaviors.  Biting became really bad in our daycare.  11/20 kids were biters so DD was coming home almost daily with bruises, marks, and accident reports.  It got the point she started hitting when people would get close to her because she was afraid of getting bit!  After giving the daycare a few chances, we finally made the decision to move DD to an in-home daycare where biters aren't permitted and she is thriving.  But it's a decision you have to make for your family.  I would recommend talking to the providers to see what they can do.  If it's only a couple of children doing the biting, they can shadow them and catch it before it happens.  If it's a lot of children biting, but you are happy with the care, perhaps they could move an additional worker to that age group's area and they can spend more efforts shadowing.  Hard biting on the face, for me, would be a deal breaker and I would give the daycare one chance to correct the behavior and then look elsewhere.  Sorry for your DS, it's no fun in that situation.
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  • I don't want to downplay that your son is getting bitten because obviously no one wants that to happen even once.  But 4 times in 3 months is truly a low number.  The fact that it isn't happening more often tells me that it either A) isn't the same kid each time and they're just random, unfortunate events B) it's "Tara" but isn't her normal behavior because serious biters bite a LOT or C) it's "Tara" and the infrequency of the biting means the school really IS doing a good job of watching her. The truth is, they can't watch every child every second of the day.  
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • Teach him to fight back. My kid is the hitter/biter/pusher and he never gets hurt by other kids. Wink

    Honestly, I have no advice. I guess if it was a problem with my child, I'd talk to the director about better supervision in the classroom. We usually have a 1:4 ratio and in 6 months, my son has been bitten only once.

     

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  • Some of the other posts are harsh--yes, biting is age appropriate, but if it's the same kid who keeps doing it (and breaking skin, no less), that child needs to be removed until the child learns to stop.  Our school excludes children (even toddlers) who repeatedly hurt others, regardless of whether it is age appropriate, and you can bet that if my kid was bitten several times by the same child I'd be in the director's office very quickly demanding an explanation as to why that other child is allowed to remain in school to the detriment of others.  Additionally, it might be worth considering whether the teachers in the room are overwhelmed.  Biting and hitting does happen, I get it, but honestly, a well-supervised room with experienced teachers should, most of the time, see when children are getting stressed and look to head a bad situation off at the pass. 
  • Also--I've had two children in daycare (one for four years, NEVER bitten, and one now in the older toddler room, bitten only once).  I imagine a lot of kids bite out of feeling stressed, so again, I'd assess how out of control the room might be--do they need more caregivers, more stimulation, etc?  I don't care if it's "common" or "age appropriate"--I do think the same child(ren) biting and breaking skin multiple times requires more than "it's age appropriate, it sucks, get used to it."  Daycare is supposed to provide a SAFE place for our children and it's sad that standards are so incredibly low. 
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  • image elmoali:
    I don't want to downplay that your son is getting bitten because obviously no one wants that to happen even once.  But 4 times in 3 months is truly a low number.   

    My kid was the bit-ee as well.  I remember thinking I was sending him into 'war' or something during that time, lol.

    It far more traumatic for you, the mom, that it is for your LO.  I assure you.  It is a phase, it will pass and believe it or not, you will forget about it.

    I only remember when I read posts like this.  DS1 of course has zero recollection of anything.

     

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  • image semdkm:
    Some of the other posts are harsh--yes, biting is age appropriate, but if it's the same kid who keeps doing it (and breaking skin, no less), that child needs to be removed until the child learns to stop.  Our school excludes children (even toddlers) who repeatedly hurt others, regardless of whether it is age appropriate, and you can bet that if my kid was bitten several times by the same child I'd be in the director's office very quickly demanding an explanation as to why that other child is allowed to remain in school to the detriment of others.  Additionally, it might be worth considering whether the teachers in the room are overwhelmed.  Biting and hitting does happen, I get it, but honestly, a well-supervised room with experienced teachers should, most of the time, see when children are getting stressed and look to head a bad situation off at the pass. 

    Yes but read back to my post about the frequency.  A few times in several months really, truly, falls within the realm of normal.  What's not normal?  My son who was bitten 6 times in two weeks.  Bad, full mouth print bites that I found MYSELF at the end of the day and the teachers claimed they didn't know about.  In a room of 5 kids when I knew my kid cried if he bumped his head, I knew they weren't watching/checking closely enough.  THAT is an issue.   

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • image semdkm:
    Some of the other posts are harsh--yes, biting is age appropriate, but if it's the same kid who keeps doing it (and breaking skin, no less), that child needs to be removed until the child learns to stop.  Our school excludes children (even toddlers) who repeatedly hurt others, regardless of whether it is age appropriate, and you can bet that if my kid was bitten several times by the same child I'd be in the director's office very quickly demanding an explanation as to why that other child is allowed to remain in school to the detriment of others.  Additionally, it might be worth considering whether the teachers in the room are overwhelmed.  Biting and hitting does happen, I get it, but honestly, a well-supervised room with experienced teachers should, most of the time, see when children are getting stressed and look to head a bad situation off at the pass. 

    Good Luck on that one, the child is 1.  Sometime I feel like Poster on these boards treat other children(not their own) like criminals.

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  • I don't think the child is a criminal, I just think that in a situation where you have another child harming another child and the options are allow the biter to keep biting and harming other kids or remove the kid who is doing the damage, #2 makes more sense.  I don't care if my kid would remember it or not, I just wouldn't think it fair to keep putting my kid in that position to accommodate the parents of the kid who is hurting others, and apparently my daycare is the exception b/c they won't stand for that, either. 
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  • My daughter kept getting bit at daycare and has never bitten anyone herself. Sorry to all you mommys of biters but I told her if someone tries to bite her smack them and scream DO NOT BITE ME!!! so the DC knows thats why she hit. Why should my child be put on antibiotics unnecessarily each time the skin is broken? And yes moms, I am a pediatric nurse and if your childs skin is broken they absolutely need to be put on abx, the mouth is a dirty place.
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