My husband will be deployed when i give birth. — The Bump
Military Families

My husband will be deployed when i give birth.

With my husband gone and no family in town does anyone have any good tips for the whole delivery process and after birth? I know not everything will go as i plan but i just want to know thoughts and ideas to maybe make it a little easier. Thank you!!

Re: My husband will be deployed when i give birth.

  • Do you mean for the delivery? I've heard good things about hiring a doula. I've given birth without my husband, but I always move home when he's deployed (only because he's national guard). Do you have friends around that you could ask for help if you need it? Or a baby sitter you could call if you feel like you just need a break?

    I don't know how much help that is, but I wanted to try :) I know how scary it is just to not have your husband there for the birth. 

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  • imageShannda20:

    Do you mean for the delivery? I've heard good things about hiring a doula. I've given birth without my husband, but I always move home when he's deployed (only because he's national guard). Do you have friends around that you could ask for help if you need it? Or a baby sitter you could call if you feel like you just need a break?

    I don't know how much help that is, but I wanted to try :) I know how scary it is just to not have your husband there for the birth. 

    I second the doula comment. I am currently pregnant, and my husband most likely will not be around for the birth. I have found a doula that has been extremely supportive. I am very happy with the decision to have one for the birth, and think she is worth the price.

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  • I don't know about this firsthand, but there is something called Operation Special Delivery that provides free doulas for women whose husbands are deployed. There is a link in the FAQ for this board.

    If a family member or friend can come help you out for a couple of weeks, that would give you time to rest and heal.

    Some moms also bake freezer meals ahead of time to avoid cooking, but still be able to eat nutritious meals. I didn't do this because people from our church brought us food, but if I was going to be alone, I probably would plan ahead.

    If you don't have any close friends where you live, make an effort to find some - I intentionally made friends with the other pregnant ladies (a few months ahead of me) at the few spouse get-togethers we had, and they were very helpful and supportive, and after our LOs were born, we did playgroups.

    If you can take pregnancy/new parent classes on base, that might be a good place to meet people.

    And you didn't say what branch, but I believe all of them have new parent support programs. I didn't use the one here, but some of them will actually send someone to check on you and make sure you're okay. There are usually quite a few resources on base, so look into those and take advantage of them.

    My husband deployed a month after DS was born, and I simply moved back to live with my family. Since they live in a military town with a military hospital, I probably would have gone back for the birth if DH had left before the birth. It wasn't ideal, but I had a lot of help when I needed it.

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  • I also recommend a doula.  Because your husband is deployed, you may qualify for a free doula.  https://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/  That organization is a God send.  Please contact them to see if there are any participating ladies in your area.  

    Also, contact your FRG for help.  Ours sets up a Meals on Wheels plan.  We have volunteers who deliver 3-4 meals a week to new moms.  During deployments, we do a bit more.  We also have a group of ladies who help out around the house or volunteer to watch baby while mom takes a break or takes a shower.   

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  • DH was deployed when I had our first son. I knew a few of the wives who also had a spouse on his ship and we became good friends and were with me when I gave birth. If there is a FRG group for you to join, do it! I did and it helped me a lot. And depending on where your husband is deployed to you could also set up a skype while you are still in the hospital and he can meet his child just hours after he or she is born.
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  • Doula all the way!!!! :)  I had one even with my husband there and she was amazing.  Be sure and interview your candidates!  GL!
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  • imageiluvmytxrgr:
    I alsonbsp;recommendnbsp;a doula. nbsp;Because your husband is deployed, you may qualify for a free doula. nbsp;https://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/ nbsp;That organization is a God send. nbsp;Please contact them to see if there are any participating ladies in your area. nbsp;Also, contact your FRG for help. nbsp;Ours sets up a Meals on Wheels plan. nbsp;We have volunteers who deliver 34 meals a week to new moms. nbsp;During deployments, we do a bit more. nbsp;We also have a group of ladies who help out around the house or volunteer to watch baby while mom takes a break or takes a shower. nbsp;nbsp;

    All this. I'm in the same boat and we found a great doula from Operation Special Delivery. I highly recommend!
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  • *Hugs* I can empathize with you and your situation. I spent a large majority of my pregnancy without my husband and gave birth without him around as well. He still isn't home yet, and I think that is harder to deal with than him being gone for the pregnancy. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be only because I had tons of support from my FRG, friends, and my mother-in-law came and helped as well. My next door neighbor, who's husband is also on the ship with mine didn't have any family, but I was her support when she gave birth because I knew what she was going through. My mother in law spends time between both households helping us both (her more than me because this is baby number 2 for us and her first baby). 

    I suggest you see if you have family that can come for when you are scheduled to deliver and help you for a week or two...and if they cannot, then have friends, the FRG, or someone you trust be with you.  

  • Mine will be gone when it comes time for our little girl to make her appearance. I have a friend here whose husband will be gone with my husband so we're sticking together and she has offered to be at the hospital with me. I'm scared out of my mind to give birth without my husband but he just keeps being really encouraging and telling me that he knows I can do it. I'm trying to get everything big done before the hubby leaves so that way I don't have to worry about it, and so he feels involved in the whole process. My mom and my MIL are also planning on coming out one of them before I'm due, and the other after the baby arrives to kind of space out my help. I'm also making sure that when I pack my hospital bags, that I put in my bags a card with all of the information I need to call red cross and give my husband the message.
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