Intro

layali

Hello all. I imagine I will be lurking here instead of my BMB, now, so I thought I would introduce myself.

I found out on 11/5 that the baby I was carrying measured 6w4d with no heartbeat -- I was supposed to be 1 day shy of 10 weeks. I didn't start miscarrying until a few days ago - so everything is still pretty emotionally (and physically) painful.

Since the miscarriage process started, I've had this strange urge to tell people what I'm going through. I'm usually a pretty private person and I don't like having a lot of attention put on myself, so I'm not sure where this is coming from. Some of it is that I don't feel very well supported, not because those I've shared the news with have been insensitive (they have been quite the opposite), but because there just isn't consolation for this kind of loss. So, here I am.

I'd like to share my story, but I don't want to overshare inappropriately! Is there a blog for this board so I can get a sense of guidelines for participation?

 

Thanks in advance. I've read some of the posts here already, and I am so sorry that we are all going through this. If there's one thing I've figured out already, it's that everyone experiences their loss in their own way and time.

 

Laurakat81

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think you can "overshare" on this board. Nothing is TMI and I mean nothing. Whatever you're feeling, we're here to listen. This board has a pretty high turnover rate so there really aren't any guidelines or a blog.

I think its completely normal to want to tell the world. I felt similar and started a blog. It helped because I could get all the nasty feelings out without "forcing" anyone to listen. It's been a huge source of support for me.

 

layali

LauraKat - thank you! I am thinking about a blog, but I'm not sure I want to go that route yet. I think I'll have a better sense of what's 'right' for me after I've had more time to process the experience. I will check yours out when I am not at work and at risk of smearing my mascara. 

Margaret -  I saw that you were asking about a CP. I am pretty sure I had one back in June. I saw faint pink lines one day, and two days later it was gone. The grief was very real, but I felt guilty, too, like it was my "fault" for testing so early. (i don't believe that for other people, though. just me. it's strange.) I didn't feel the same urge to share with that loss - I think because I funneled my grief into self-blame. With this loss, I've shared more, both because I feel compelled to and also because it's affected how I interact with people on a much more noticeable level. I've noticed that the women who respond to me are, the vast majority of the time, women who have also experienced pregnancy loss. And -- there are so many of us!!

You nailed it. It sucks, and it's sad.

Plssmom

margaretkaye1:

I'm sorry you're here, but I hope you find this board helpful.
I also want to share. Sometimes I just want to scream it. I lost my baby and I don't want to pretend there never WAS a baby. Everyone is so afraid to talk about it. But it hurts, and sharing the hurt makes it bearable. I had a friend tell me this is something private between a husband and wife. What? Why? Why should I have to keep it a secret and only discuss it or let my emotions out behind closed doors? It might make others uncomfortable, but I'M the one in pain. Also, I hate that when I walk into a room I know that everyone is pitying me, and when I'm gone they will talk amongst themselves. But no one will talk to ME. But I feel awkward bringing it up. I don't want to force anyone to talk to me about it. And I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me.
And you're right, there really isn't any consolation. I don't want to be told that other people have it worse or that everything happens for a reason. Just acknowledge that it sucks and its sad, bc it does and it is.

It's like you're reading my mind! This is exactly how I feel..my own supposed best friend doesn't ask how I'm doing with everything..it makes me feel like no one cares but I also hate sympathy and hugs from people..it's so confusing..

I'm sorry or everyone losses and I also don't think you can over share..

ac5008

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other ladies, I dont think you can overshare here. We all understand you, to some extent, and I hope you will feel comfortable sharing your story with us!

I am, and have been, very open about our loss with our friends and family. In fact, the other day on Facebook I linked to my m/c blog post and I told people that this happens to ONE in FOUR women - and that its not shameful, and that there are people who do understand, and will offer support. Ive gotten a lot of positive feedback about that post, because I was able to give people an insight into what this is like. I feel like that has helped me recover a little. I dont know what I would do if I had to hide it because I feel like this baby is a part of me - and will always be. I want every one to know about it because it was very real, and I will never forget this. I know its a personal decision though, and every one is so very different. I think you have to do whatever it is you feel comfortable with, and whatever will give your heart a little healing.