Babies on the Brain

Newbie Seeking Advice

Hi, my DH and I have an almost 4 year old son and for a while now I've been thinking about having another one.  My DH says that he doesn't want another child, but it's mainly because both him and I have a lot of anxiety related to our son.  We get really crazy if he gets sick and has a fever (I know it's irrational, nevertheless...).  I take Celexa, but he doesn't take anything so I feel like I am more okay with things than he is which is why I am even entertaining the thought of another one.  Two issues I am having is having children so far apart...I wonder whether or not it is "too late" and also I am worried about how anxious and nervous my DH and I would be with another child.  I would be okay with only having one child except that I'm an only child with a tiny family and my DH isn't really close with his family so I would hate for our son to be "alone".

Any advice or commentary is greatly appreciated.  Thanks.

Re: Newbie Seeking Advice

  • 1.)  The "no" always wins when it comes to more children.

    2.)  I would discuss calmly with YH about his reasons for not wanting any more kids, and your reasons for wanting another one.  Has he discussed his anxiety with his doctor.  All parents have some levels of anxiety, but if it's extreme he should seek medical help.

    3.)  My girls are 8 years apart.  It works really well for us.  DD1 is old enough to do some things for herself, and is very helpful to me.  It allowed me to really focus on DD2 during the NB stage.  I wouldn't let the age gap be a deciding issue if you are willing to do the work again.

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  • imageGhostMonkey:
    Since when is 4-5 years apart considered far apart? You need to discuss this with him.

    This.  My sister and I are 4 years apart and we couldn't have a better relationship. 

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  • imageMrsHennyBee:

    imageGhostMonkey:
    Since when is 4-5 years apart considered far apart? You need to discuss this with him.

    This.  My sister and I are 4 years apart and we couldn't have a better relationship. 

    My sister and I are 4 yrs apart  we were never super close.

    I never wanted by children 4 yrs apart for this reason, but now, here I am they will be AT LEAST 5 yrs apart.

    hat being said. My sister and I get along great now that we are adults so that helps me with the fact that my son will- if not right away- benefit from having a sibling to "be with" and we felt that was more important than how far apart they are.

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  • Why do you get so worked up if anything small happens to your child?

    I remember seeing this mom freak out over her 14 month old hitting his head lightly on a table, thinking "poor woman".

    Also 4-5 years is not that bad at all. My son is only 1 and I'm pregnant again, but that's my choice to have them close.

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  • I think 5 years between kids is not that bad.  Also, it sounds like you and your DH really need to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of having another child.
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  • Yeah, four years is a gap, but it shouldn't deter you from bringing another little one into this world. If that is your main concern, maybe other things are going on???
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  • I come from a blended family (sister is from Dad's first marriage) so we're 6 years apart. Then my brother was a late surprise and we're 9 years apart. That's more space than most people would pick, but I loved it. We all had our own time to be in each age stage without competition or jealousy. We all had our own baby periods. I got to help 'parent' my baby brother and feel like it was a wonderful influence on my character and childhood. 

     

    You clearly need to talk to your husband, but don't let some age gap decide whether you should have a baby. Every family experience is different and there's no hard and fast rule for how it should be. If there were we'd all be the same and how boring would THAT be? 

  • I have 2 older brother and we are 5 years and 3 years apart, my sisters are younger and we are 2 yrs and 3 years. Then I have my little brother who is 11 years younger. I love how far apart we are. We get along really well. I also think that yall need to talk everything out first. Sometimes age gaps are not that bad.
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