Well now my mother hates me!

chelle7707

Great! My mom has been in tears since we told her MIL wants to quit her job and watch LO. We originally said no to BOTH of them about watching LO. They both live about 45 minutes away and we did not want either of them to feel like they had to come down here and watch LO. DH was especially not keen on them doing this and said he wanted LO in daycare for socialization reasons and I desperiately wanted him out of DC. Now, DH wants him out and I dont want to cause problems so I want to keep him in! DS has been sick almost every month hes been in DC and I hope its going to get better soon. Im very torn on what I should do  

jessandandy09

your mom doesnt hate you!  your mom always will love you, give her time to adjust, and she will realize that you are doing what is best for LO.  Not to mention, arent you going to let your mom take Lo sometimes and MIL take him the rest?  I think its best to get out of DC if your LO keeps getting sick.

chelle7707

Well, I offered that they could split the days if it was going to be such an issue and my mother (who is causing the fuss) said, no because she didnt want that responsibility if it was bad weather and she idnt want to drive in it and that would make her feel bad if we still had to go to work and she wasnt coming down. I told her it doesnt happen often and she is starting to over react about things but she is still being REALLY difficult about this. I am STUCK in a very difficult position here. I feel like no matter what I choose to do someone will be unhappy!

jessandandy09

I am so sorry!  that is such a hard place to be stuck in.  And yes, no matter what you choose at first someone will be unhappy but what really matters at the end of the day is what you are doing for LO and what works best for you.  Eventually I am sure everyone will calm down, at least I hope for you sake that your mom will calm down and do what ever is best for you!

SteelCity44

chelle7707:

Well, I offered that they could split the days if it was going to be such an issue and my mother (who is causing the fuss) said, no because she didnt want that responsibility if it was bad weather and she idnt want to drive in it and that would make her feel bad if we still had to go to work and she wasnt coming down. I told her it doesnt happen often and she is starting to over react about things but she is still being REALLY difficult about this. I am STUCK in a very difficult position here. I feel like no matter what I choose to do someone will be unhappy!

Dealing with parents is annoying. I'm sorry. If you offered her the split time, then it's done. She said no, so I would move on with your MIL's offer to watch LO every day. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that she's crying about this situation. And then, to drop her previous offer of helping out because it isn't the way she wanted it to be. If you made up your mind to offer the part time/grandparent, then that was the decision you were ready to make. She'll get over it. Seriously, she's pulling the, "If I can't have LO, then no one should get LO" card, and it's kinda childish. Do what's best for your family, not your mother's ego. That sucks.

chelle7707

Thanks everyone. I feel better that you guys are seeing it the same way. I feel like I just wants what is best for LO.....you can believe there will be LONG talks about this tonight Do you think its rediculous to have MIL drive 45 min one way to watch LO? To me it seems like it would get old reallly fast.

KatFCo

chelle7707:

Thanks everyone. I feel better that you guys are seeing it the same way. I feel like I just wants what is best for LO.....you can believe there will be LONG talks about this tonight Do you think its rediculous to have MIL drive 45 min one way to watch LO? To me it seems like it would get old reallly fast.

I agree with everyone else. Your mother had the option of watching your LO sometimes and said no. Don't let her guilt you into feeling bad because she's the one who made the choice. If she does bring it up to you, just ask, "So does this mean you do want to  babysit some of the time?"

As for driving, it's really up to you guys. I have a friend who's mom drives 45 minutes to an hour and a half, depending on traffic every day and has done so for a year. They enjoy it.

Of course, my friend pays her mom to do it, so I don't know if your MIL was expecting to get paid, but if not, I'd at least suggest reimbursing her for gas and mileage.

MMC0927

SteelCity44:

Dealing with parents is annoying. I'm sorry. If you offered her the split time, then it's done. She said no, so I would move on with your MIL's offer to watch LO every day. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that she's crying about this situation. And then, to drop her previous offer of helping out because it isn't the way she wanted it to be. If you made up your mind to offer the part time/grandparent, then that was the decision you were ready to make. She'll get over it. Seriously, she's pulling the, "If I can't have LO, then no one should get LO" card, and it's kinda childish. Do what's best for your family, not your mother's ego. That sucks.

 

oliversmom03

jessandandy09:

I am so sorry!  that is such a hard place to be stuck in.  And yes, no matter what you choose at first someone will be unhappy but what really matters at the end of the day is what you are doing for LO and what works best for you.  Eventually I am sure everyone will calm down, at least I hope for you sake that your mom will calm down and do what ever is best for you!

This!