BM and SD in newspaper with WRONG NAME WTF?

Hopeforthebest

Ok DH is super upset.

Just stumbled upon BM and his daughter in a picture in the local paper. The caption has my husband's daughter listed as wrong 1st name (listed with name BM WANTED to name child but they decided against) AND BM's new married last name.

How would you handle? DH has shared custody but we are long distance.

cole2144

First why is she in the paper?

Hopeforthebest

cole2144:

First why is she in the paper?

It's a photo at a community event and the caption is where it is listed that way.

ReeseFox

This is probably a long shot, but is it possible she just didn't want her daughter's real name published?

Hopeforthebest

MelRC117:

I'd be upset too.  And that I think its super weird that she told the person who took the picture the wrong first name.  Do you think she did it because she knew he would see it eventually?  The LN thing is pretty snarky and bi!chy but the FN thing is where I think BM becomes a weirdo. Does that mean if DH and I ever divorce I could start calling my LO Nathan?

No not at all. I do think it is an excellent example on her continued efforts at parental alienation however.

Littlejen22

ReeseFox:

This is probably a long shot, but is it possible she just didn't want her daughter's real name published?

This is what I thought too. I would have DH calmly contact her and ask why. Don't involve a lawyer when she might have just been protective. But make sure schools use her right name.

fauxshelley

It is possible that the newpaper reporter got it wrong.

Hopeforthebest

Littlejen22:

ReeseFox:

This is probably a long shot, but is it possible she just didn't want her daughter's real name published?

This is what I thought too. I would have DH calmly contact her and ask why. Don't involve a lawyer when she might have just been protective. But make sure schools use her right name.

Wouldn't it be just as easy to not publish a name at all  ? It is easier to FIND her using the married name of BM since that is on her property records etc.

But thank you for the different perspective.

fellesferie

I think it sucks, but I don't really see what there is to do about it. If he feels the need to say something, he could tell BM that he noticed and does not approve. I think you should certainly document it and note it in whatever records you keep.

I don't believe that a honest mistake was made, but I'm mentioning this anyway--occasionally people assume that DS has DH's last name (similarly, people also sometimes assume I have DS's last name) and we just don't bother correcting them. I grew up with an impossible-to-pronounce last name and my married name is mispronounced frequently, so I'm just in the habit of ignoring it. 

If XH ever found something with DS's first name and DH's last name on it, it wouldn't be because of any parental alienation on our part. Just laziness.  

Hopeforthebest

fellesferie:

I think it sucks, but I don't really see what there is to do about it. If he feels the need to say something, he could tell BM that he noticed and does not approve. I think you should certainly document it and note it in whatever records you keep.

I don't believe that a honest mistake was made, but I'm mentioning this anyway--occasionally people assume that DS has DH's last name (similarly, people also sometimes assume I have DS's last name) and we just don't bother correcting them. I grew up with an impossible-to-pronounce last name and my married name is mispronounced frequently, so I'm just in the habit of ignoring it. 

If XH ever found something with DS's first name and DH's last name on it, it wouldn't be because of any parental alienation on our part. Just laziness.  

DH nor I would have thought twice other if it were just the last name since like you said most of the time it is assumed you have your kids last name, the fact that the first name was what BM wanted to name the kid made it seem more purposeful.

Thanks for the responses, it is always good to run it by you guys before the emotions get too crazy. We always appreciate the advice and thoughts from this forum.

hindsight's_a_biotch

You're going to have to convince me to care here because really, who cares? Why does this matter?

FutureMrsWittig

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You're going to have to convince me to care here because really, who cares? Why does this matter?

Why the need to be so rude?  If you have no opinion, don't post.

OP, this sounds like a passive aggressive attempt to get your H's back up.  Cut the picture out for your kiddo to keep (it's exciting to be in the paper), but pretend you didn't even notice the name error. 

hindsight's_a_biotch

I'm sorry. You must be confused by the definition of opinion.

twister22

I would be pissed about the last name. DS has my last name, and it bothers BD. BD's XGF used to tell him his name was DS BD'slastname and it confused the heck out of DS.

Whatever the kid's last name is is what it is, and parents shouldn't be calling them something else.

I would contact your lawyer to see what he/she thinks you should do. 

FutureMrsWittig

hindsight's_a_biotch:

I'm sorry. You must be confused by the definition of opinion.

OP said her H was upset about it.  I think that answers both your "Who cares?" and the "Why does this matter?"

Other than that, you said nothing.  So why post at all?

AmeliaKris

This is probably snarky and immature but if DH is ok with SD name in the paper you could call the paper and have them print a retraction. Most small town papers would probably rerun the photo with the correction...of course BM will probably flip her lid though...

Littlejen22

fauxshelley:

It isnbsp;possible that the newpaper reporter got it wrong.

There is no way a newspaper person would get the first and last name both Wrong to coincide with the name they did not choose and the BMs new last name. Or at least that would be one weird coincidence. How old is the kid?

Littlejen22

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You're going to have to convince me to care here because really, who cares? Why does this matter?

Hey girl, long time no see. I will say that my concern is that BM is using this other name which is not the kids name IRL and bit just in the newspaper.

Ilumine

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You're going to have to convince me to care here because really, who cares? Why does this matter?

HAB, you have to have been around to understand the underlying issues here.  The BM in this instance has been using very clear Parental Alienation tactics, as well as not following the court order in regards to the child's legal name or access for the BF. 

That is why they care.

 

Sunday924

How old is SD? Do you think BM calls her by this first name or just did it for the paper?

Karma1969

hindsight's_a_biotch:

I'm sorry. You must be confused by the definition of opinion.

 

This is why I love you.

Karma1969

What do you want to do have the paper issue an apology for listing the wrong name?  There isn't anything to be done. 

 

Roll your eyes and cut the article out because your H's DD was in the paper and regardless of what her name is listed as I'm sure she's excited about it.

Hopeforthebest

Sunday924:

How old is SD? Do you think BM calls her by this first name or just did it for the paper?

She just turned 4. I can't begin to guess what BM does.

hopanka

Yay, Hind is back! There will be some fun here again!

Karma1969

Do you watch Nancy Grace? I would be happy that my child's real name wasn't in the paper. People are crazy.

Littlejen22

Is she is preschool? If yes then contact the preschool to verify what name is being used and I'd it is not her real name then talk to a lawyer about what you can do.

lily_721

BM "changed" SS1's and SS2's LN.  Its been a mess trying to get everything fixed on their school/medical records.  We had to get a court order to show their legal names.