LONG: It seems like it's getting harder... but why? (PG mentioned but not mine)

JacquelineML · November 2012

So, I have been going through these roller coaster of emotions since August. For a recap, I had a D&C in late August with our first *baby*. It was extremely difficult for me but as time went on I found it easier to move forward... or so I thought. It seemed like at the time I lost our baby... everyone and I mean everyone else was getting pregnant. I kept thinking I want the water they are drinking... but no matter who it was they were pregnant and I wasn't. I slowly waited for AF to show up by week 8 nothing had come not a drop of AF in sight. Week 10 I went in to see my OB and she gave my provera to kick start AF. Along with the prescription, she checked a few levels - she was concerned about PCOS.

I did not start provera that night because I has a doctor's appointment with an RE doc the next day. I decided to take it upon my self to schedule an appointment with an RE doc two months prior because of the recurrent miscarriages. And I may say Boy am I lucky I did... he found out that I had PCOS. He also did a few blood test and recommended that I get an HSG. I then started provera that night and took it for 10 days. It took 5 days before anything AF like showed up, but it was still not normal than my previous AF before my pg. I was going crazy because this was not normal for me, but doc's kept saying something is better than nothing.

It was then time to schedule my HSG (Dr. recommends between CD6 - CD12) I am not sure if all know what an HSG is but it is a procedure where they insert a catheter into to the uterus and insert contrast dye and then they take an X-ray. The purpose of this procedure is to look for blockage in the tubes and ovaries along with the shape of the uterus. They can also find abnormal "findings"in the uterus. I kept praying and hoping that they would find absolutely nothing wrong with my uterus, tubes and ovaries. When the procedure was over, they explained to me the results by showing me the images. Unfortunately, all was not "normal." My tubes and ovaries were open and "looking good" (according to the Fellow who did my HSG). But my uterus was not so "normal" - apparently there is blockage on the right side of my uterus. The dye was able to follow smoothly and fill up the cavity of the left side and onto the left tube and ovary. But on the right side, the blockage caused the right cavity of the ovary to have a decrease of dye on the right but the dye made it thru to fill the right tube and right ovary. The fellow mentioned that that blockage causes some concern which would require a Hysteroscopy. I about cried my eyes out... the one thing I was terrified of is now the next step in this process. He mentioned it could be a few things -polyps, fibroids, scarring, adhesions... just the mention of all these things broke my heart. It isn't suppose to be this hard to have a baby... why is this all happening? I can keep asking my self that question and never get an answer, but that doesn't stop that question from crossing my mind.

It gets hard every day because a girl I work with is pg and she is approximately 2 weeks ahead of what i would have been. And to make matters even better (not) a really close friend of mine is also pg. And did I mention that everyone is pg... FB is full of pregnancy photos, ultrasounds and babies... sometimes I just want to delete it and say I'm done...

I just want to TTC already, but all of this is making it harder and harder to believe that this will one day happen... I'm not selfish... just one baby would make me so happy, but sometimes I lose faith and cry. It is hard to talk to people because they just don't understand... sometimes I don't even understand.

Sorry for the long post... I just needed to vent.

nbcarlson · November 2012

I am really sorry you are having to go through all of that! (((hugs)))

mightymousy · November 2012

Sorry you're having such a rough go of it

*hugs*

Rachaeleigh · November 2012

Sorry you're dealing with all of this, I know its frustrating. Hugs

Loveniz · November 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and having to deal with all this. It's a very emotionally and frustrating journey. Sending you thoughts and prayers. ((Hugs))

km_md · November 2012

I'm so sorry. That is a lot to deal with. ((big hugs)) Hopefully your RE can get you on the track to ttc real soon. And no need to apologize, this is what the board is here for!

KatieintheCity · November 2012

I am so sorry for all you've been through {{hugs}}. Hopefully your RE will recommend a treatment plan that will get you back on the TTC train soon.

OmaCo · November 2012

I'm sorry. Hopefully you have some answers and solutions coming your way soon.

heather52904 · November 2012

I'm sorry for all you are going through. I hope your RE is able to come up with a plan for you. HUGS

buggirl72 · November 2012

(((hugs))) I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you took it upon yourself to see an RE. I know you are terrified of the next step but it sounds like he is identifying potential issues and developing a treatment plan. That is good.

As far as facebook - if you do not want to take a complete break from facebook I would suggest going through and selecting which friends you want to "hide" from your wall. You can unsubscribe from them and they will not know that you did this.

mayonegg · November 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and your diagnosis. I'm glad that you went to an RE who was able to find out what was going on. T&P as you move forward in this process and FX that you are able to start TTC soon.