s/o Thanksgiving and my mom...LONG

BLuvsE

I just posted in the Thanksgiving thread about how awful my mother was during Thanksgiving.

She has been a huge source of calm and strength for me at certain times in my life, and at others she has been stressful to be around. She's either super easy going, chilled out, go with the flow or nervous, nit picky, and down right mean. She's not predictable at all. But not quite bi polar...I think she just goes through phases.

So, in hopes that she would be her calm, easy going self, I asked her to be in the delivery room with me. I said this with the understanding that she could be kicked out at any time because I don't know what I'll want when the time comes.

Well, I won't go into detail, but while she was here for Thanksgiving, she lied to get her way, made everything about her, was extremely disrespectful and making fun of my husband, picked on me for my appearance, and was really difficult to be around.

My midwife expects me to go into labor early next week...like the week that begins tomorrow, and needless to say, I no longer want my mom there, and my husband is really uncomfortable with her being there because of some of the comments she threw his direction.

Do I...

1 Tell her she's no longer welcome and why?
2 Just don't call her when we go to the hospital and say we couldn't because it all happened so fast...which she'll see right through?
3 Call her as planned but ask the nurse to tell her the midwife doesn't want anyone else in the room and let them be the bad guys?

Regardless, I'm having a conversation with her about being disrespectful to my husband. I was so tired and shocked at what she was saying when it happened that I didn't say anything then, but I'd be a crappy wife to let some of it slide. Would love any advice on how to do that too.

Sorry couldn't make clicky from my phone.

CandaceLeigh

Me personally, I just wouldn't call.  I would have your baby first and then deal with your mother second.  I would judge your explanation to her based on her reaction to the news that LO is here.  Likely she'll be excited and put the other stuff down or at least for your sake, I hope so.

Sorry you're having family drama.  It's no fun.  Best of luck with your delivery and the handling of your mom.

chpswife

I faced this exact problem with my mom. We are not close at all and the last three years have been the worst for us.....I simply asked her to come after I was home from hospital. I explained it would be better for me if she waited and came later.....I could tell she was disappointed but honestly I didn't need the added stress of her hanging around the hospital....she too is a difficult person and is in no way helpful and is not close to my DD at all. She respected my decision but I could tell she was let down. She will be here on Monday for the day. She is not into spending too much time with us so it did work out. Honestly do what you feel you need to for your family......your focus needs to be on that not on someone else

LuckyMissus

I would not call her and then tell her after why.

karkissy09

I'd tell her beforehand that the hospital will only allow one person in the room during delivery. It may not be the truth but it would avoid pissing her off and causing more drama.

BLuvsE

So this happened two years ago, but update. I called her to the hospital and had the m/w kick her out when the contractions got harder for me to handle. She's still a little butt hurt about it (her best friend's daughter let my mom be in the room, so of course that gets rubbed in my face), but it really doesn't get talked about much and I have no regrets. Since the baby got here, she has been much more respectful and not so "All about me." I think she realizes her grandson has four sets of grandparents, so we could always pick someone different for him to hang out with. :-)