Will people with children ever understand?

Michelle3081

If you are dealing with infertility, do you get the feeling people with children will never understand?

 

Mrs.McIrish

No, they don't understand. But I think you are on the wrong board. If you read this board description, this board is for ladies that were on the regular IF board for at least 6 months.  We all know each other here due to our extended history. I don't know your history but you should check out IF or TTTC depending on where you are in treatment. Good luck.

Edwina.McDunnough

I don't think a lot of people with IF understand what it's like to have severe infertility issues. I also find that some of the most sympathetic understanding people I know have not had IF issues or are even TTC so I truly don't think it's about categories like IF or not IF, with children or without. There are people out there that can't see outside of themselves whatever their situation and others that are just compassionate people that get it that crappy stuff is just crappy.

Please read the blog for greater detail about this board. As stated, this is a forum for longtime posters on the bump IF board that have strong connections with each other, not a board for those with long or difficult IF histories per se. Good luck!

liz4paws

I feel strongly that it's not possible to understand without having been through IF yourself. I remember life before I knew about my IF. I always wondered how it would feel to find out I couldn't have children, but that always happened to "other people" in my mind - not me. I am sure I said unintentional stupid things to people without realizing they were struggling. I used to ask childless couples about their family plans thinking it was an innocuous conversation starter. I never registered how much IF cost until it was right up in my face, causing tear-filled fights with DH and draining our bank accounts.

It hurts much deeper and much differently than I imagined it might. And even my closest well-intentioned friends IRL and family try to understand, but they openly admit they cannot. They are right. No one can understand unless they've lived it. Its the deepest, darkest hole I never thought I'd fall into.

may2806

Edwina.McDunnough:

I also find that some of the most sympathetic understanding people I know have not had IF issues or are even TTC so I truly don't think it's about categories like IF or not IF, with children or without. There are people out there that can't see outside of themselves whatever their situation and others that are just compassionate people that get it that crappy stuff is just crappy.

I agree with this completely. I have had people shock me with how understanding they are even when not even remotely in my position; and equally shocked by the lack of compassion in people I thought would be able to understand. I think it really just depends on the person, not whether they have actually been through it or not.

I mean, without being through it no one could really *know* what it's like, but some people are better at putting themselves in others' shoes. That's one reason why I hate when people say "I can't imagine what you're going through." I mean really, you can't even *imagine* it? That makes me feel like even more of a freak.

 

katt3233

liz4paws:

It hurts much deeper and much differently than I imagined it might. And even my closest wellintentioned friends IRL and familynbsp;try to understand, but they openly admit they cannot. They are right. No one can understand unless they've lived it. Its the deepest, darkest hole I never thought I'd fall into.

this exactly. Very well put.