A Story of an Adoption and a Birth Child
I feel compelled to share with those of you thinking about adoption and worries over birth children and how you may or may not feel.
I was 25 when I feel in-love with my daughter Madalyn. She was born at 6.5 months gestational and went to live in my parent's home as a foster baby. When she was 8 months old I wanted to adopt her, even though I was in the middle of my master's program.
I pursued the adoption as a single mom and almost 2 years after I started the process she officially became my baby. That was over 6 years ago.
I remember being worried over the question of whether I would love her the way a mother should love her child. Those concerns lingered but truly there was no reason for the concern.
I adopted Madalyn never thinking I would get married and I was not considering more children as a single mom. When I was 31 I met my husband. He became Madalyn's daddy as if he were meant for the role. We were married a year later and he adopted Madalyn on Valentine's Day 2011.
Three months after we were married I got pregnant. In the midst of the emotions of the pregnancy I was caught up in the worry that I would be ruining Madalyn?s life. Then I was worried about sharing my love with my 2 children.
When Eva was born I was in for a shock. She was a crier and I could not soothe her. I didn?t know how I would ever love her, my birth child the way I did Madalyn, my adopted child. In time I fell-in love with Eva and couldn?t imagine my life without either of my children. I love Madalyn the way a mother loves any child and I would do anything for her. It doesn?t matter that we look different than each other or her sister is light and she is dark.
Madalyn loves her baby sister to pieces and has yet to complain about being a big sister or sharing a room.
I remember my sister telling me she couldn?t imagine adopting because with 4 birth children she didn?t believe she had it in her heart to love another child and to that I think she is wrong. It doesn?t matter if you adopt first and then have a birth child or have a birth child and then adopt. I am convinced a mother?s heart is big enough to love all her children and it?s not a matter of birth or adoption.
Madalyn has begun to ask about her ?real? mom and to that I tell her I am ?real?. She changes her questions to her ?other? mom and I tell her everything I can. We do not have an open adoption due to the birth family not wanting one, and so I can only tell her what I know.
But all I can say for certain is adoption is a choice that can take you on a journey to love, fulfillment and parenthood. Remember, being a parent is a hard job, regardless of how you became one.
All children all gifts and should be treasured. I wish you all the best and am more than willing to talk about or answer questions about my journey through single-mom adoption and the combination of birth children and adopted children in one family.
Re: A Story of an Adoption and a Birth Child
TTC since March 2010, BFP #1 11.09.10, ectopic, m/c 12.14.10 (10w)
Clomid + TI=BFN, IUIs 1-6= BFN
Application for domestic adoption submitted 4/18/12, matched 8/12/12, DD born 10/31/12