Infertility

IVF is Making Me a Bad Sister

I have the 2 best sisters in the world.  One is 2 years older than me, and is expecting her first baby in January.  One is 10 years younger than me and is graduating from college (a semester early) next month.  

We are doing our first IVF cycle in December, starting stims on 11/30.

My big sister's baby shower is 12/8 and my baby sister's graduation is 12/15.  Baby shower is in California, graduation is in Michigan.  I'm in Minnesota

I've gone over the calendar and I just can't see how I could make either of them work.  I had weird feelings about going to the baby shower, and she was prepared/understanding for me not going, but I feel like missing graduation is not an option.  She won a big award and is speaking at the general commencement ceremony (this is a big school).

 I feel like I'll be stimming for the baby shower and the graduation will coincide with ER/heavy monitoring of stimming. Am I a horrible sister?  Would you buy a ticket/plan to go if you could?  

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: IVF is Making Me a Bad Sister

  • If there was any way that I could go then I would because these are big moments in their lives.  It stinks that it is all in one month :P  I would talk to my dr to see if I should plan on it.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Such hard decisions, and no I don't think you are a horrible sister. ((Hugs))

    Not to be a downer, but I start stims the same day, or a day before you do, and that week of the 10th is my estimated week for ER and ET, so I don't know if your doc would give you the ok to go, KWIM? I hope everything works out for you :/ 

    Me: 37, DH: 35 :: TCC since 2/11 SA: Perfect! CD3  HSG = Blocked Right Tube
    April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN   May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
    June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN  August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
    September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN  October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
    IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176  c/p @ 4w4d
    FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
    IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
    FET #2 Cancelled, Right Tube Developed a Hydro  8/28 Hydro & Scar Tissue Removed  Cleared for FET
    FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th
    2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th
    2015- 2 failed FET. We are done
    SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16   EDD 4/1/17

     
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Loading the player...
  • It doesn't sound like you're a bad sister at all. You're a sister going through something that's a big deal for your body and unfortunately for these events, the timing just doesn't work out so greatly. In my honest opinion, I probably wouldn't buy a ticket or plan to go, with the stresses of IVF, I would probably just stay put (that's just me)....maybe after you've gone through your first round of IVF you can do something where you do a combo celebration with both of your sisters? Celebrate the graduation and the baby? Good luck with your decision making..it is a tough one!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Aw, what a bummer. It sure doesn't look like you'll be able to make either of them, does it? If both sisters know, I don't see how they could be the least bit upset. Can you like have your parents Skype from their phones when your sister does her speech or anything? Maybe the university puts it live online? I know it's not the same as being there, but you could feel like you participated some. Anyway, sorry it is so hard. It sucks. 
    Me: 37, DH: 38: ttc 7 years, dx: unknown
    10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
    11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
    12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
    6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
    IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
    IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
    IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
    IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
    10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
    Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
    Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
  • Thanks ladies, I agree it does look like I'll be missing both of them.  I like the idea of skyping - or maybe just videotaping.  The hardest thing is that my parents are very divorced and because I won't be there my little sister will have to deal with them all by herself.  

    I wonder if my ER was on 12/11 or 12/12  whether I could make the 12/15 graduation.  Part of me wants to bite the bullet and buy a refundable (aka more expensive) ticket to fly in and out the day of the graduation.

    Why does IF suck so much? 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • You aren't a bad sister.  You've been through a lot to get to where you are.  

    That being said - you could talk to you RE about taking pills for a little longer or suppressing a little longer so you could go to one or both events and STILL do this cycle.

    No judgement here which ever way you decide to go.  All the best!!  GL :-) 

    Natural m/c Oct. 2005

    Dx: balanced translocation and LPD

    TTC since Oct 2011

    BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)

    IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
    BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
    Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
    Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageCNYBride05:

    You aren't a bad sister.  You've been through a lot to get to where you are.  

    That being said - you could talk to you RE about taking pills for a little longer or suppressing a little longer so you could go to one or both events and STILL do this cycle.

    No judgement here which ever way you decide to go.  All the best!!  GL :-) 

    Unfortunately the IVF clinic closes at the end of December/beginning on January so delaying is not an option. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • You are not a horrible sister.  You are just doing the best you can for you, your DH, and your future family. Does baby sister know what you are going through? Could someone videotape your sister's speech so you could see it later (on youtube, for example?). Maybe you could skype her after it's over to congratulate her? If you are set on being there, I would talk to your RE and see if you could fly in just for the day, spend the night, and fly home the next day. Good luck!
    ---------------Siggy Warning--------------------


    Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage
    Me: 32, DH: 34  / TTC since February 2011 / SA: all normal, HSG: all clear! / on Lovenox for anticardiolipid antibodies
    4 IUIs with Clomid, Letrozole, and Menopur. All BFN.
    9/12: lap / hysteroscopy: found and removed mild endometriosis, cervical polyp, and 2 para-tubular cysts
    5/13 IVF #1: Follistim, Menopur, Ganirelix, 10R/4M/4F, ET of 2, 5 cell and 4 cell, no frosties = BFN
    12/13 IVF #2 = November / December 2013. Microdose Lupron Protocol: 15R/6M/6F, Froze all 6 due to high E2 and P4
    FET 1: Jan 22, 2014 of one 4AB blast and one 3BB blast (3 blasts on ice!)
    BFP on HPT 4dp5dt, Beta #1 9dp5dt: 310, Beta #2 11dp5dt: 899
    First u/s on 2/17/14: TWINS!!!!! both w/HBs of 114 at 6w3d, HBs 150 and 152 at 7w5d

    5/27/2014: Team purple!!!!  EDD 10/10/2014 / 
    Delivered by c-section at 32w0d 8/15/2014 due to preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome
    Baby Boy 4lbs 1oz, 17 inches
    Baby Girl 3lbs 5oz, 16 inches


    imageimage
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You may or may not have your ET on the day of graduation, so that would be tough. If it is THAT important that you are there, a refundable ticket would be your best bet (or a last minute ticket). 

    Personally, I wouldn't fly in for a graduation ceremony even for my sibling. I know that with her speech it is a bigger deal, but having to fly in for the day in the middle of an IVF cycle would be out of the question for me. It wouldn't even be a hard decision. I would consider being honest about the reason so that her feelings aren't hurt. If she's a good sister, she would understand. 

    Photobucket
  • You aren't a bad sister...and they both should understand.  IVF is not to be taken lightly.  It is just such a risk to commit to those things, when you are already committed to doing whatever it takes to start a family.  I hope it all works out. :)
    Me:28, DH:30 Married: 07/07/07 TTC Since: March 2011 MFI Me: Possible PAI-1
    April 2012:Varicocele embolization
    IVF #1 July 2012: BFN :( DH- Femara 90 days 
    12/10/2012 Femara helped!
    IVF# 2: Jan 2013 BFP, M/C 6weeks0days
    5 frosties. 
    IVF #3 FET April 2013 BFP, M/C 7 weeks 0 days. 
    3 frosties
  • I have two close sisters, so I can understand how you feel about missing such important things for them. Unfortunately though, it doesn't seem like you'll be able to do either, because this is a big emotional, time, physical, and financial investment for you and YH so it's totally understandable that this would be your first priority.

    Here's my 2 cents, and might give you a couple of thoughts to consider:

    - You may not be able to fly after your ER due to the increased risk of OHSS, since flying dehydrates you (I travel a lot for work so I read into this before IVF #1). I would talk to your RE and see what their thoughts are.

    - As PP mentioned, the graduation may be the same day as your ET.

    - I wouldn't do anything during an IVF cycle that will stress you out, or give you a regret if your cycle doesn't work. I was in a friends wedding four days after my ET, and even though I took it easy and generally felt fine, I regretted it and blamed myself when that cycle failed.

    TTC #1 since Oct 2009, Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    HSG: Right tube all clear, left tube inconclusive
    3 failed Clomid Cylces
    4/5 lap revealed blocked left tube, but right tube is open
    April/May- 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1= CANCELLED left ovary ovulating
    June 1- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1 = BFN
    June 28- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #2 =BFP!
    7/12 Beta #1= 14 Beta #2= >5 Chemical Pregnancy :(
    July-Nov long break to recover emotionally and financially
    Nov 24- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #3= BFN
    Jan 22- Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI# 4 = CANCELLED no response on right
    IVF #1- Start stims 4/7, ER 4/20, 21R, 14F, 6 frosties, ET 4/25, 2 embryos transferred= BFN :(
    FET #1- June 2012, Lurpon starts 5/27- CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 2- August 2012, delayed until Sept-CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 3- ET 10/11, 2 embryos transferred,= BFFN
    FET #2- Transfer 12/4--Cancelled, no embies survived thaw :(
    Next steps-- IVF #2 with new RE in March
    HOLY SURPRISE BFP 2/15/13!!!! Beta 1- 286, Beta 2- 782, First Ultrasound 2/25- baby in uterus & all looks good!


    BabyFruit Ticker

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"