Whose kid plays Beat the Mommy? (parenting related)

MandaPanda518

I feel that for parenting related posts, a notification is in order, as 99% of posts are not

My 18 month old kid likes to hit me for funsies. It's rare that it's out of anger, but most often centers around going to sleep and waking up for naps/bed time. He'll be happy and laughing, then winds up and slaps me.

This has been going on for over two weeks now, and this is what we've tried:

-Stern warning saying we don't hit, next time you hit you go in timeout (1 minute in the crib)
-Ignoring it
-Say "We don't hit" and walking away 
-Over exaggerating the injury 

The first method has been slightly effective to stop the issue immediately, but soon enough he starts again. All the other methods he laughs mockingly in my face. I don't like it by any means, but I'm really scurred he's going to start hitting other kids at daycare and playdates.

I tried Googling this, and these gems of advice for hitting and biting came up: https://www.circleofmoms.com/toddler-moms/my-18month-old-keeps-hitting-and-biting-everyone-313002

It includes hitting back, biting back, pinching, pulling their hair, and Tabasco in the mouth. WTF   

Any advice? TL;DR but peas halp meee! Here's a cookie dough brownie I made earlier this week for your troubles.

 

monkiem

Sorry, dude - I have no advice! Time outs usually work for us...right now.  Ask me again next week. 

But can we call CPS on Circleofmoms.com?  

Libby1978

Oliver went through a phase of hitting everyone.  We mostly just grabbed his hands and told him firmly that it's not nice to hit.  He eventually grew out of it and no longer hits.  I think as his language developed more he became less likely to hit.  He can express himself with words now. 

MandaPanda518

AshPal61:

We tell her "Hey, that's fresh. Do you want a time out?" Which 99% of the time she says no.

Then she has to say sorry.

*we started using "fresh" because of my sister in law.  She works in a daycare and that's what they were told to say, since you can't tell them they're "bad"...so she started saying it to DD, and it seems to sink in with her more than any other phrase we've tried.

PS...I want some of that brownie

That's interesting! I agree about not saying bad. Usually we just say, "That's not nice".

DH and I ate all the brownies, but if they shipped better I would whip up a batch and send them right over! 

mom2pottamus

Put her down, tell her "nice hands, no hitting" and walk away.  It stopped pretty quickly.

MandaPanda518

Libby1978:

Oliver went through a phase of hitting everyone.  We mostly just grabbed his hands and told him firmly that it's not nice to hit.  He eventually grew out of it and no longer hits.  I think as his language developed more he became less likely to hit.  He can express himself with words now. 

So you're telling me I just have to patient and wait it out!?!!?! Damn!

How long did you have to wait?  

RayRay007

I don't have much advice. I tell DD "no hitting, it hurts" and then leave it alone. If she were to keep on doing it I'd probably walk away. 

I don't think it's a good idea to do time out in the crib. You don't want her to associate her safe sleeping place with bad things.

Also, I would not overexagerate the injury. That's just begging for more from LO because they want to see the reaction. 

Libby1978

MandaPanda518:

Libby1978:

Oliver went through a phase of hitting everyone.  We mostly just grabbed his hands and told him firmly that it's not nice to hit.  He eventually grew out of it and no longer hits.  I think as his language developed more he became less likely to hit.  He can express himself with words now. 

So you're telling me I just have to patient and wait it out!?!!?! Damn!

How long did you have to wait?  

Hah!  Yes, just like every other "fun" stage.  IDK how long it was.  Several months.  Sorry.

NotSharknado

Eh, those women on CircleofMoms need a smack in their mouths. Sheesh, they're brutal!

MandaPanda518

C_mo:

That brownie is nothing but a HUGE tease. I think I resent you for it. 

We had the same issue around that age, and eventually he grew out of it, but now he hits out of anger... so it's a different problem all together I guess. When he hits usually I give a warning, tell him that hitting hurts Mommy, and if he hits a second time we go to time out. I tell him again 'we do not hit, you are in time out because you hit Mommy, when we are angry we do not hit, we use our words' and then we count to 15, which helps him to calm down. After we count I tell him again that hitting isn't a nice thing to do, but if he's upset he can tell me what he wants (his vocabulary is still pretty thin, but we can usually figure out what he wants). If he does it again we repeat, but we count for longer. So far this has worked really well for us, it's rare that we have to correct the same behavior twice in a row. 

How much is shipping to Canada? Maybe some dry ice will keep it cold until the brownies reach you

I think these are some good tips. Occasionally he hits out of anger, but either way I pretty much follow your situation, minus the counting. I usually skip to the tell me what you want/need stage.

Smootchy

Well I couldn't finish reading because I saw that picture and started drooling, dang, that looks good!!!

Anyway, what was the question? If I'd like milk with that? ...yes please, just a small one, thanks.

14kgirl

LOL at Chapski.  That brownie does look delicious.

We went through this just before DS1 turned two.  Daycare called it having "sad hands," so that's how we referred to it at home.  That worked sometimes but yeah, it might take a couple months to blow past. 

Sorry.

MandaPanda518

RayRay007:

I don't have much advice. I tell DD "no hitting, it hurts" and then leave it alone. If she were to keep on doing it I'd probably walk away. 

I don't think it's a good idea to do time out in the crib. You don't want her to associate her safe sleeping place with bad things.

Also, I would not overexagerate the injury. That's just begging for more from LO because they want to see the reaction. 

The problem I have with the walking away part is that it's mostly during the time of getting him down for a nap or to sleep for the night. So I feel that if I just walk away, he's getting his way by getting more time to play/not having to go to sleep yet.

I was thinking about the timeout in crib thing for that reason as well. We've been lucky to have very minimal sleep issues so far, but I don't want anything to develop. Where did you put your 18 month old in timeout without having them escape?

I agree with the whole not overexaggerating thing. It was getting more of a reaction out of him and he started laughing at me for being ridiculous.

janneann1127

Not a lot of advice, but mine is the same way. Lately, I've been saying, "gentle! gentle to mommy!" and he will stop hitting me and start petting me like a dog. :-) Actually I prefer hitting to throwing. He likes to take toys and chuck them at my face.

MandaPanda518

eddy321:

1. I need the recipe for that brownie... like, yesterday.

2. DD doesn't slap yet, but she does often kick during diaper changes and tantrums.  When she does, we get down on her level, tell her that kicking isn't nice and it hurts Mommy and Daddy.  We tell her she'll have to be by herself if she kicks, and the very next time it happens, we just leave the room (we have gates, which makes this easy).  She gets upset, so we come back and explain that kicking isn't nice and we can't be with her if she's kicking.  That usually puts a stop to it, at least for a little while.

I'm probably setting her up for needing psychological counseling or something.

1. Enjoy! The cookie dough is eggless, so you can eat a ton without risk of salmonella, only risk to your waistline. https://www.bakingjunkie.com/2011/03/cookie-dough-brownies/

2. I like the idea of explaining that they will be by themselves if they continue. Do you do this at nap/bed time to?

I don't think you have anything to worry about Eddy, you're doing a great job being a mama of two! 

sadsadie

I'd be tempted to just leave kiddo alone as soon as it happened (every time). No emotional reaction, no "nice hands." Just put LO down in a safe place and walk away...For a good long while too. when I went back in I would just calmly and plainly state "You hit me. I will not let you hit me. When you hit, I will not respond. I will go away. If you want me to stay, you will not hit me." There's really, in my mind,  nothing to "negotiate" there; hitting is unacceptable and kids need to learn that antisocial and harmful actions have stiff (and even unpleasant) consequences. 

Yeah, yeah, I know, I have no LO yet...but I teach, ok? I still know kids.  Yes, ill report back 18 months from now and let you all know how it worked out. 

AshasaurusRex

I haven't read all the replies, but what worked really well for us was to firmly grasp their hand when they hit you and sternly say "No, that hurts, ouch!" Then stroke your face (or whatever they hit) with their hand softly saying, "Soft, gentle, so nice! Sooo sweet! Thank you!", basically make a big deal about it and be over the top positive. My DD still comes up and strokes my face LOL.

fancynewbeesly

My daughter is starting to do this as well--also when she is happy, excited, etc. Usually when we are playing. I typically give her a warning and show her "nice touch." Sometimes I leave her in her room and close the door, for a minute. Our version of time out. (She enjoys her crib way too much!)