Drama at my school....Mama Bear attacked!

Ecy

I teach at a small town high school, right outside of a large city.

Here's a little back info: A senior boy has been sleeping with a freshman girl. She has snuck out of her house to meet the boy and DTD. Her older brother (also a senior) gets pissed about this happening. He brings it up to the mother and tells on his younger sister. She then goes and says that it had been rape. From what I know, she was willing, however, she is only 14 and he is 18.

Today during lunch, I'm grabbing some food in the cafeteria, which I never do. School food is gross. I see this mother storm into the cafeteria with another daughter of hers and her boyfriend. She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him! She throws a chair at him, chokes him, slaps him, etc. Her son starts to get involved. The police come in and taze a couple of people. Boy was it dramatic!

How do y'all feel about the rape laws? Should this boy get charged if the sex was willing? Would you storm into a school as a mother and take down a student?

blowfish11

I definitely feel there is an appropriate age difference for young people dating. Fourteen and eighteen is too much, IMO.  If my daughter were 16, dating an 18 year old, that would be much less of a concern. However, I'm not so naive to think that it would mean this 18 year old boy isn't a scumbag. I intend to get know any friends/boyfriends/girlfriends of my children very well.

If the law in your state says he broke the law, then yes he should be charged. But statutory rape =/= forcible rape.  

And I would certainly not assault a child. He might be 18, but still a child. The mother should be charged with assault. Period. She threw a chair at him? WTF. 

TunaTown

Ecy:

I teach at a small town high school, right outside of a large city.

Here's a little back info: A senior boy has been sleeping with a freshman girl. She has snuck out of her house to meet the boy and DTD. Her older brother (also a senior) gets pissed about this happening. He brings it up to the mother and tells on his younger sister. She then goes and says that it had been rape. From what I know, she was willing, however, she is only 14 and he is 18.

Today during lunch, I'm grabbing some food in the cafeteria, which I never do. School food is gross. I see this mother storm into the cafeteria with another daughter of hers and her boyfriend. She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him! She throws a chair at him, chokes him, slaps him, etc. Her son starts to get involved. The police come in and taze a couple of people. Boy was it dramatic!

How do y'all feel about the rape laws? Should this boy get charged if the sex was willing? Would you storm into a school as a mother and take down a student?

No. I would call the police and let them arrest him and question him. Why risk assult charges?!

RockyTopVols

Ecy:

 She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him!  

She thought her son was raped?

Libby1978

The law is the law.  So yeah, even if she was willing he should be charged.  He should only stick it into girls that are old enough to consent.

No, I wouldn't storm the into to school and beat the kid up.  I'd let my teenage son do that.

RockyTopVols

blowfish11:

I definitely feel there is an appropriate age difference for young people dating. Fourteen and eighteen is too much, IMO.  If my daughter were 16, dating an 18 year old, that would be much less of a concern. However, I'm not so naive to think that it would mean this 18 year old boy isn't a scumbag. I intend to get know any friends/boyfriends/girlfriends of my children very well.

If the law in your state says he broke the law, then yes he should be charged. But statutory rape =/= forcible rape.  

And I would certainly not assault a child. He might be 18, but still a child. The mother should be charged with assault. Period. She threw a chair at him? WTF. 

 

All of this  

TunaTown

Libby1978:

The law is the law.  So yeah, even if she was willing he should be charged.  He should oly stick it into girls that are old enough to consent.

No, I wouldn't storm the into to school and beat the kid up.  I'd let my teenage son do that.

Yeah, but...it's TEXAS.

LuckyDad

Ecy:

I teach at a small town high school, right outside of a large city.

Here's a little back info: A senior boy has been sleeping with a freshman girl. She has snuck out of her house to meet the boy and DTD. Her older brother (also a senior) gets pissed about this happening. He brings it up to the mother and tells on his younger sister. She then goes and says that it had been rape. From what I know, she was willing, however, she is only 14 and he is 18.

Today during lunch, I'm grabbing some food in the cafeteria, which I never do. School food is gross. I see this mother storm into the cafeteria with another daughter of hers and her boyfriend. She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him! She throws a chair at him, chokes him, slaps him, etc. Her son starts to get involved. The police come in and taze a couple of people. Boy was it dramatic!

How do y'all feel about the rape laws? Should this boy get charged if the sex was willing? Would you storm into a school as a mother and take down a student?

Important question:

Why did you not whip out your smartphone and start filming that springeresque drama? You could have a million youtube hits by now!

LuckyDad

TunaTown:

Libby1978:

The law is the law.  So yeah, even if she was willing he should be charged.  He should oly stick it into girls that are old enough to consent.

No, I wouldn't storm the into to school and beat the kid up.  I'd let my teenage son do that.

Yeah, but...it's TEXAS.

So, you can settle it with a duel with pistols?

blowfish11

OkayKelci:

It my state, it is illegal for someone to DTD willingly under the age of sixteen. If you are sixteen, you can legally DTD with somone sixteen or seventeen. If someone is eighteen it is illegal. The boy could be charged with statutory and I almost agree with that, because it is the law and he should be aware of that before DTD with a 14 year old.

As a mother, I would not storm into the school or take matters into my own hands with the boy- since it was consentual. The mother should be charged with assult.

Precisely. She should focus her energy on her own child and let the cops deal with the boy. 

RockyTopVols

OkayKelci:

It my state, it is illegal for someone to DTD willingly under the age of sixteen. If you are sixteen, you can legally DTD with somone sixteen or seventeen. If someone is eighteen it is illegal. The boy could be charged with statutory and I almost agree with that, because it is the law and he should be aware of that before DTD with a 14 year old.

As a mother, I would not storm into the school or take matters into my own hands with the boy- since it was consentual. The mother should be charged with assult.

 

Some states to have a Romeo&Juliet clause that allows a minor to consent to another minor (to a certain point, under a certain age it doesn't matter). I believe the usual window I am thinking of is that both consenting minors have to be within 3 years of age with each other and the youngest 14 or older. But in some jurisdictions, both are guilty are committing unlawful acts with each other. 

It really depends on your local laws.

Glitter Pop

I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think the boy should be charged if it was consenting sex. I completely agree that they Should not have been having sex. However, I do not believe he should be charged with something that will go on his permanent record.

The mom was completely out of line and the situation should have been handled way differently.

LuckyDad

RockyTopVols:

OkayKelci:

It my state, it is illegal for someone to DTD willingly under the age of sixteen. If you are sixteen, you can legally DTD with somone sixteen or seventeen. If someone is eighteen it is illegal. The boy could be charged with statutory and I almost agree with that, because it is the law and he should be aware of that before DTD with a 14 year old.

As a mother, I would not storm into the school or take matters into my own hands with the boy- since it was consentual. The mother should be charged with assult.

Some states to have a Romeo&Juliet clause that allows a minor to consent to another minor (to a certain point, under a certain age it doesn't matter). I believe the usual window I am thinking of is that both consenting minors have to be within 3 years of age with each other and the youngest 14 or older. But in some jurisdictions, both are guilty are committing unlawful acts with each other. 

It really depends on your local laws.

I tend to support Romeo & Juliet laws. In OkayKelci's example you could run into a weird situation where a 17 year old is dating a 16 year old who is a grade younger, then turns 18 and what was once okay suddenly becomes statutory rape.

In general, DAs don't really like prosecuting statutory rape cases between minors. Unless you are in extremely conservative areas, it's best not to get a reputation as a DA who cares more about children having sex with each other than prosecuting legitimate criminals. Still, it's nice for the law to represent what is actually being prosecuted, and there will always be gray areas, which is part of why we have laws to draw hard lines in the sand.

I definitely don't think a dumbdonkey who has sex with a 14 year old when he is 18 should be labeled a sex offender for life, but I also don't think he should get off scott free.

starshineamator

LoisLane23:

RockyTopVols:

OkayKelci:

It my state, it is illegal for someone to DTD willingly under the age of sixteen. If you are sixteen, you can legally DTD with somone sixteen or seventeen. If someone is eighteen it is illegal. The boy could be charged with statutory and I almost agree with that, because it is the law and he should be aware of that before DTD with a 14 year old.

As a mother, I would not storm into the school or take matters into my own hands with the boy- since it was consentual. The mother should be charged with assult.

 

Some states to have a Romeo&Juliet clause that allows a minor to consent to another minor (to a certain point, under a certain age it doesn't matter). I believe the usual window I am thinking of is that both consenting minors have to be within 3 years of age with each other and the youngest 14 or older. But in some jurisdictions, both are guilty are committing unlawful acts with each other. 

It really depends on your local laws.

Yes. In Iowa, it's within 3 years. Once you are 16, you are free to bone anyone. 14-18 seems weird, but at the same time, it's a senior and a freshman. I dated a senior when I was a freshman, and although we didn't sleep together, by no means was it creepy. Maybe because I was 15 when I was a freshman, but I don't think that should matter. They are in the same school and she was a willing participant.

Team NotARapist

I agree. I dated a senior as a freshman; I was 14 when we met and he was 18. By the time we were serious I had just turned 15 and he was about to turn 19, graduate, and go off to college. And guess what? We got married 6 years later and we are still together today. 

I think the problem is that the law is on an incredibly sketchy line- while I do think minors need to be protected, and there are genuine rapes that need prosecution, it makes it far too easy for a girl to cry "rape" when someone finds out or she gets broken up with, etc. In a case where she was consenting, it isn't right for the rest of his life to be ruined because she wanted to get revenge on him or didn't want to tell her mother/whoever the truth about her sex life. That's just so wrong.

lildevil968

Glitter Pop:

I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think the boy should be charged if it was consenting sex. I completely agree that they Should not have been having sex. However, I do not believe he should be charged with something that will go on his permanent record. The mom was completely out of line and the situation should have been handled way differently.

+1

mejane123

lildevil968:

Glitter Pop:

I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think the boy should be charged if it was consenting sex. I completely agree that they Should not have been having sex. However, I do not believe he should be charged with something that will go on his permanent record. The mom was completely out of line and the situation should have been handled way differently.

+1

+2

It was a dumb decision on his part, but even at 18, a lot of kids don't think about repercussions such as permanent records. 

 Mom was totally BSC and should've dealt with it like a mom, not a mama bear.  

Ecy

RockyTopVols:

Ecy:

 She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him!  

She thought her son was raped?

Ooops, meant to say her daughter.

Ecy

LuckyDad:

Ecy:

I teach at a small town high school, right outside of a large city.

Here's a little back info: A senior boy has been sleeping with a freshman girl. She has snuck out of her house to meet the boy and DTD. Her older brother (also a senior) gets pissed about this happening. He brings it up to the mother and tells on his younger sister. She then goes and says that it had been rape. From what I know, she was willing, however, she is only 14 and he is 18.

Today during lunch, I'm grabbing some food in the cafeteria, which I never do. School food is gross. I see this mother storm into the cafeteria with another daughter of hers and her boyfriend. She walks up to the senior boy who she thinks has raped her son and starts beating the sh!t out of him! She throws a chair at him, chokes him, slaps him, etc. Her son starts to get involved. The police come in and taze a couple of people. Boy was it dramatic!

How do y'all feel about the rape laws? Should this boy get charged if the sex was willing? Would you storm into a school as a mother and take down a student?

Important question:

Why did you not whip out your smartphone and start filming that springeresque drama? You could have a million youtube hits by now!

Lol, I so thought about this AFTER the fact : Plus my school probably would've killed me!

LuckyDad

Ecy:

Lol, I so thought about this AFTER the fact : Plus my school probably would've killed me!

On my first read I somehow missed the key fact that this is your place of employment.

Still, if you should discover that some student happened to video it and posts said video, it would not be improper for you to share said publicly viewable video...

IrishEyes0530

mejane123:

lildevil968:

Glitter Pop:

I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think the boy should be charged if it was consenting sex. I completely agree that they Should not have been having sex. However, I do not believe he should be charged with something that will go on his permanent record. The mom was completely out of line and the situation should have been handled way differently.

+1

+2

It was a dumb decision on his part, but even at 18, a lot of kids don't think about repercussions such as permanent records. 

 Mom was totally BSC and should've dealt with it like a mom, not a mama bear.  

+3

robinsokj

Team glitter

synchrosally

Here the age of consent is 16. And there is a "close in age" clause where statutory rape does not apply to individuals who have less than a 5 year age difference and are over the age of 14.

Edit: Apparently they raised the age of consent to 16 in 2008.

ridesbuttons

"if the sex was willing"

You see, IMO, a 14 year old girl simply is not evolved enough to freely consent to sex.  She may well have been willing, but we're talking about a girl who may not even have gotten her period yet.

An 18 year old boy should be educated enough to know that engaging in sex with a 14 year old will have grave consequences.  Imagine if this was 2 boys involved.  Imagine the outrage.

Should he be charged?  Probably.

Should the mom have opened herself up to assault charges herself?  No.  Frankly, that level of stupidity kind of reflects on the daughter's decision making process.  Apple-tree and all of that.

robinsokj

Lets be real here.  How many parents are going to tell their 18 yr olds that if they sleep with a freshman they could be arrested?  How many school systems will cover that info? 

 

 

Ecy

I'm having a hard time accepting the law in this scenario. Probably because I know all kids involved personally really like them. The boy isn't creepy or jerky and the girl is an A student that I honestly am surprised to be a part of this equation. I'm assuming she won't be in my class tomorrow but if so, I certainly hope the other kids drop the drama. We have all of next week off I can't wait.

And even though I love all of these kids, I do agree that a 14 yr old isn't mature enough for sex but I also don't think he deserves to be charged with rape have that follow him for life.

Edit: I hate mobile bump. This is the first time I'm using it it's screwing up my post!

Snapdragon750

Why are we assuming that she wasn't actually raped?  I know it sounds that way from all the rumors, but OP, do you know the girl personally that you can say with such authority that it was consensual?  I dunno, it would just be really sad if she were actually raped here and no one believed her.

And even if she wasn't violently, forcibly raped, I'm willing to bet that he put a ton of pressure on her for it, and she might have continued to do it because she knew he expected it, not because she really wanted to.  18-year-old vs. 14-year-old.  I can't even imagine the kind of influence he'd have over her.  Those four years are huge.  This is why it's called statutory rape.

As for the mom?  It sounds like she believes her daughter was LEGIT raped.  Of course she should be charged for assault, but I'm not judging her here.  I don't think any of us are really capable of knowing what we would do to the guy we believed forcibly raped our 14-year-old daughter (G-d forbid).

nanabanana06

I will be the minority here I guess. I see nothing wrong with what happened here. Maybe it's because I'm younger and it is still fresh in my mind what High School was like, or what. However, at 14 I didn't know very many virgins, at 16 I knew like 1. I was being pressured to have sex since 7th grade. This isn't even a high teen pregnancy rate school district. This is just how it was. I lost my virginity at 14 to a 17 year old boy.

I think what the daughter did was wrong. However, I think all the consent laws are a little archaic. Kids are having sex sooner and growing up sooner. Things have changed. I look at all those little slutty junior high kids and remember what it was like. It really sucks. I know that some states have a 4 year window. Where as long as the couple is within 4 years of each other it isn't statutory rape. I think they did this because Freshman were screwing Seniors. Who knows.

Kitiara5512

I get that the law is the law, but I can also guarantee that all the older boys I went out with, I went with willingly. As long as they are both in school, I do not think statutory rape should apply. I would not have gone to the school, and I would have smacked my son upside the head for being a douche and getting between his sister and her boyfriend, then had a chat with both teens and the bf's parents.

I get that the law is the law. I think the way its written makes sense except that now that boy, whether she was willing or not, is going to be marked as a sex offender for dating and sleeping with someone he goes to school with. You cant get that removed, it will always be there, on every back ground check, every college app, anytime he wants to move somewhere. They just fucked his entire life over because little girl did not want to admit she actually wanted to have sex and because big brother was an overprotective assshole.

ETA: I was a 13 year old freshman - my first bf in high school was an 18 year old senior. When I was 14, my bf was 22. I didnt start dating guys closer to my own age until I was a junior, and mostly after actually being raped, not just statutory, by a marine, so shiit like this that doesn't even come close and I can see his side too pisses me off.

Smootchy

This is a tough situation.
Maybe the girl liked the guy, met up with him, well because she likes him. Maybe they made out and she got scared, he didn't want it to stop and raped her.
OR
Maybe she totally jumped his bones and after the fact didn't want her mothers wrath on her head and threw this poor sap under the bus.

I don't know.

The mother was wrong and if he gets charges pressed, I hope she does too. When did it get so easy for guests to walk into school anyway? Geez, we had to call for app or have security escort you where you were going.

The law is a fine line. I mean, they were both high school kids. So if he was 17, it's "ok" ::sex in general between a 17 and 14 y.o, not raped!::
But the day he's 18, he's a sex offender.

robinsokj

Kitiara5512:

I get that the law is the law, but I can also guarantee that all the older boys I went out with, I went with willingly. As long as they are both in school, I do not think statutory rape should apply. I would not have gone to the school, and I would have smacked my son upside the head for being a douche and getting between his sister and her boyfriend, then had a chat with both teens and the bf's parents.

I get that the law is the law. I think the way its written makes sense except that now that boy, whether she was willing or not, is going to be marked as a sex offender for dating and sleeping with someone he goes to school with. You cant get that removed, it will always be there, on every back ground check, every college app, anytime he wants to move somewhere. They just fucked his entire life over because little girl did not want to admit she actually wanted to have sex and because big brother was an overprotective assshole.

ETA: I was a 13 year old freshman - my first bf in high school was an 18 year old senior. When I was 14, my bf was 22. I didnt start dating guys closer to my own age until I was a junior, and mostly after actually being raped, not just statutory, by a marine, so shiit like this that doesn't even come close and I can see his side too pisses me off.

 

WTF does a 22yr old want with a 14 year old?  Dude

RondackHiker

LoisLane23:

I agree with Robin. More honest conversations need to happen. If the law says it's illegal, then the school and sex ed classes need to make it clear that a senior having sex with a freshman could result in arrests. Most kids don't even know that's a possiblity.

Do they really not get that? I feel like I knew this in high school. Maybe I am remembering when I learned it wrong. I do remember, in my freshmen year of college, she was risking a lot to date and have sex with a 16 year old. She was 19 and argued that girls aren't charged with that.

It really doesn't matter when I learned. My school was pretty good with sex ed. If kids don't know that, parents and schools need to let them know. I'd be all for a law that says if they are in a public school together, it is okay. Or maybe if they are within a certain number of grades. I know some schools go K to 12.

And I pearl clutched about a 22 year old dating a 14 year old.

RondackHiker

LoisLane23:

RondackHiker:

LoisLane23:

I agree with Robin. More honest conversations need to happen. If the law says it's illegal, then the school and sex ed classes need to make it clear that a senior having sex with a freshman could result in arrests. Most kids don't even know that's a possiblity.

Do they really not get that? I feel like I knew this in high school. Maybe I am remembering when I learned it wrong. I do remember, in my freshmen year of college, she was risking a lot to date and have sex with a 16 year old. She was 19 and argued that girls aren't charged with that. It really doesn't matter when I learned. My school was pretty good with sex ed. If kids don't know that, parents and schools need to let them know. I'd be all for a law that says if they are in a public school together, it is okay. Or maybe if they are within a certain number of grades. I know some schools go K to 12. And I pearl clutched about a 22 year old dating a 14 year old.

My school taught abstinence, handed out condoms, and then my now MIL taught about how to deliver  a baby and take care of a newborn. High school kids do not understand the ramifications of their actions.

Yeah, which is why I kind of changed course mid response. My high school was very good with sex ed. We talked condoms and diaphragms and IUDs and pills and the pros and cons of each. We did the cliche putting a condom on a banana. We looked at pictures and talked diseases and such. There was still the undertone of waiting was best, but in 8th and 10th grade we all got a fairly in depth discussion on the mechanics of sex and how to be safe. I wish more schools were like that.

RondackHiker

I am realizing how unusual my school was. We had sex ed in 2 separate health classes, plus now I am remembering briefer discussions in biology and in government. My government teacher went on an hour long rant about how liberating the pill and female condoms were.

Kitiara5512

robinsokj:

Kitiara5512:

I get that the law is the law, but I can also guarantee that all the older boys I went out with, I went with willingly. As long as they are both in school, I do not think statutory rape should apply. I would not have gone to the school, and I would have smacked my son upside the head for being a douche and getting between his sister and her boyfriend, then had a chat with both teens and the bf's parents.

I get that the law is the law. I think the way its written makes sense except that now that boy, whether she was willing or not, is going to be marked as a sex offender for dating and sleeping with someone he goes to school with. You cant get that removed, it will always be there, on every back ground check, every college app, anytime he wants to move somewhere. They just fucked his entire life over because little girl did not want to admit she actually wanted to have sex and because big brother was an overprotective assshole.

ETA: I was a 13 year old freshman - my first bf in high school was an 18 year old senior. When I was 14, my bf was 22. I didnt start dating guys closer to my own age until I was a junior, and mostly after actually being raped, not just statutory, by a marine, so shiit like this that doesn't even come close and I can see his side too pisses me off.

 

WTF does a 22yr old want with a 14 year old?  Dude

Someone to worship his jackholey ways. I never did more than kiss him and I was with him for a month. Dude was a racist pig and even teen me couldnt put up with his ass for longer. We only went out in a group though, my bff was dating his much younger nephew and it was the only way her conservative family would let her out with her boyfriend.

DavidStamps

Holy crap, that's a good story.

I don't have any thoughts....I just like a good story. :-)

Unknown

This content has been removed.

Snapdragon750

LoisLane23:

I don't think it's up to us decide if 14 is too young for sex. The fact is, she had sex at 14, willingly. I was 16 when I willingly had sex. Some of my friends were 12, 13, 14, 16, even 18 when they started having sex.

Is anyone else reading this kind of thing and thinking that this sounds more like an argument FOR statutory rape laws than against them?

Kitiara5512

Snapdragon750:

LoisLane23:

I don't think it's up to us decide if 14 is too young for sex. The fact is, she had sex at 14, willingly. I was 16 when I willingly had sex. Some of my friends were 12, 13, 14, 16, even 18 when they started having sex.

Is anyone else reading this kind of thing and thinking that this sounds more like an argument FOR statutory rape laws than against them?

Not me. If the girls are that young, most likely the boys they're flucking are too.