Team One & Done?

LaTi07 · November 2012

DH and I always assumed we'd have a good size family, maybe 3 kids or so. Bought our house specifically to accomodate a family, but then life got in the way. Like way too many couples out there, our journey to parenting has taken a very long time and has been very draining physically, emotionally and mentally. Then trying to stay pg has been it's own set of hurdles so DH and I are now team one and done. I'm just curious if anyone else is?

JellyTwoPointO · November 2012

It has always been our hope and plan to have both biological and adopted children. We're actually in the middle of becoming licensed right now. So overall, I still hope to have a larger family. When it comes to biological children, I think my feelings on that will largely depend on how this pregnancy goes and what complications do or don't come up with it...

JellyTwoPointO · November 2012

I can't seem to edit from my phone, so I'll just add in another comment:

I grew up an only child and always felt so hurt by that and so jealous of all my other friends because they had siblings and I didn't. And I remember as a child that I begged my parents to give me a little brother or sister. Now I can't imagine the hurt that must've caused in my mothers heart because it wasn't till I was older that I learned it took my mom 10 years to conceive me and she had a host of infertility issues. That being said... As an adult, I completely understand the Team One and Done and I don't blame anyone for going that route. But the little girl in my past is making me desire to do anything I can to create a home of siblings because I still to this day hate the feeling of being an only child.

trigirl79 · November 2012

We are, in the sense that after this baby (well, babies now) we are no longer "trying" in that we are not going to pursue any treatment. If it happens it happens but we'll be happy either way.

KikiCohen · November 2012

Prior to our loss, I wanted 3-4 kids. I am an only child and DH is the youngest of 5. Family gatherings on his side are always so much different than mine b/c there's so many people. I hated being an only child when I was younger b/c I never had anyone to play with, but I actually enjoyed it once I got to senior high.

Fast forward to where we are now. I am so incredibly paranoid about everything with this pregnancy. So far, I think I've done a good job of not being completely crazy cakes on the outside, but in my mind I'm constantly worrying. I keep telling DH that I want to be one and done, but this is usually when I'm freaking out or extra nervous.

ellajune2012 · November 2012

I totally understand the feeling, but I'm waiting until I'm further along in this pregnancy before making that kind of decision.

If we decide not to have another one, I'd still probably want to adopt though. It's something my husband and I have already talked about and I just like the idea of having a big family. Not saying that's the way things should be, it's just something I want.

Jellybean, what is the process for adoption? Is it something we should be starting now even though we're not looking to actually adopt at this moment?

christi7109 · November 2012

I think we are going to be a one and done couple bc this has been tough battle to get pregnant...part of me still wants more children but I don't want to be greedy.
I'm extremely nervous bc it is still really early on and can probably think more about this after the first trimester is done.

MrandMrsFireFighter · November 2012

We only want one child, mostly for selfish reasons. Vacations are expensive, and we like the lifestyle we have. It would be much harder financially with more than 1 child in every aspect. My husband grew up dirt poor and went without a lot; he never wants a child to have to go though that.

It took a long time, I'll admit, to get onboard with just one child but listening to his experiences affected my decision a lot.

After our first child, he will have a vasectomy.

LaTi07 · November 2012

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I know it can be a sensitive topic, but I defintely wanted to hear your thoughts on it. One of the biggest driving forces behind the decision was the emotional side. Money and everything aside, the emotional part has been the worst. DH wanted to stop trying all together and give up the idea of children because he felt the whole process and all the BS in between was pushing me into depression and affecting our marriage too much.

MrandMrsFireFighter:
We only want one child, mostly for selfish reasons. Vacations are expensive, and we like the lifestyle we have. It would be much harder financially with more than 1 child in every aspect. My husband grew up dirt poor and went without a lot; he never wants a child to have to go though that. It took a long time, I'll admit, to get onboard with just one child but listening to his experiences affected my decision a lot.

I don't find the reasons to be selfish at all. DH and I are big fans of traveling and actually conceived this little miracle just a couple weeks after getting home from Europe. We absolutely have a huge desire to show our child the world and offer them every experience possible.

JellyTwoPointO · November 2012

ellajune2012:
I totally understand the feeling, but I'm waiting until I'm further along in this pregnancy before making that kind of decision.
If we decide not to have another one, I'd still probably want to adopt though. It's something my husband and I have already talked about and I just like the idea of having a big family. Not saying that's the way things should be, it's just something I want.
Jellybean, what is the process for adoption? Is it something we should be starting now even though we're not looking to actually adopt at this moment?

That really depends on not only what kind of adoption you want but also what the agency's policies are for adoptive families who are pregnant or have newborns. There's foster-to-adopt where you go through the foster care system, there's domestic adoption, and there's international adoption (both infant and older child).

The domestic and the international can take a long time -- years. And the international especially have a lot of rules about your age, income, health, kids, etc but those rules vary depending on the country you're looking to adopt out of. Foster-to-adopt is the quickest and also cheapest (free, actually) route but I don't recommend that route if your heart is set on an infant, especially newborn. I suggest taking time to decide how you want to adopt and then explore different agencies and their policies to see when the right time would be for you to begin.

gutsymama · November 2012

MrandMrsFireFighter:
We only want one child, mostly for selfish reasons. Vacations are expensive, and we like the lifestyle we have. It would be much harder financially with more than 1 child in every aspect. My husband grew up dirt poor and went without a lot; he never wants a child to have to go though that. It took a long time, I'll admit, to get onboard with just one child but listening to his experiences affected my decision a lot. After our first child, he will have a vasectomy.

DH only wants one, for a lot of the same reasons. I don't think it's selfish, but I do worry about making sure an only child isn't a selfish child; I also think it will be completely possible for us to do pretty much all of the same things with two children that we'd do with one. I want two; we've talked about this several times before, and he had come around to wanting two for a while as well, but for the last few months he's been reverting to his old ways.... So we'll see. I'm thinking maybe if we have a girl first, it will be easier to convince him to try for a second since he really wants a son.

densquared · November 2012

This is my first with DH, and it will be our only child together. We have the older kids from my previous marriage, and I am confident that all of the children will get along fabulously! (My other kids have big age gaps too, but they are all great kids!) I think if we were a couple of years younger, or the kids were closer in age (so room sharing wouldn't be so difficult) I might want to try for 1 more.

FutureBabyLMom · November 2012

I am glad I am not the only one who thinks like this. I am an only child and got everything I ever wanted because. I was the only one. My husband is the youngest of 3 is always felt he was the last one to get stuff, if anything. I use to want 2 or 3 but once DH told me he wants to be able to give his child the things he never had, I understand. We like to travel and do lots of stuff and if we have 2 or 3 kids that can add up fast. So at this point we are Team one and done unless God blesses us with what he wants.

missyjg · November 2012

B was going to be an only child. It was such a long road to get her, but in the end she was perfect and so worth every tear. After the failed IVF's trying for 2 I got pregnant and when we lost that baby I was done. I was happy with my life and B had lots of very close cousins. I went on BCP. I also got sick and went on antibiotics. That caused a BCP fail and another miracle to come into our lives. So we went from "one and done" to "praying for two".