Infertility

Mixed feelings

I just need to vent. Even though Im super excited to start this crazy rollercoster. I am sad today. Me and my DH chose our sperm doner and order today so they are on route. I know that this should be a happy time yet Im sad because I would do anything to have my hubbys genitic child. I know I should feel blessed because at least we can have a child yet I still feel a bit sad. Thanks for letting me vent

Trying to Conceive since Aug 2011
Diagnosed with severe male factor IF we got no swimmers
First dIUI Dec 7 2012 = BFN
Second dIUI Jan 9 2013 = BFN
Third dIUI with clomid 50mg Feb 5 2013
Forth dIUI with clomid 100mg dIUI Early March
Here is to a New Year!

Re: Mixed feelings

  • You have every right to vent and have those feelings. We are taught from an early age that our children will be a genetic mash up between mom and dad. It's sad to find out that what we know is different from reality.

    Hopefully the sperm will be powerful and you will have a child that you will love more than life itself. Good luck.
    Pursing Domestic Infant Adoption through a local agency. In the meantime, our dog is our baby.  Bumping from Portland, Oregon. 
  • You have every right to vent. IF sucks and MFI is awful. If this IVF doesn't work, dIUI is likely our next step. Hugs to you and at the same time, congrats in accomplishing this next step toward starting a family.
    TTC since June 2011
    DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
    Me (32): all clear
    Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
    Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test :(
    Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
    2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
    Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
    ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
    TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found :(
    froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
    8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
    Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
    SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
    SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
    9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
    All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
    FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
    moving on to DS
    DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
    DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
    1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
    2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
    3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
    A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
    PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qmon5u.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg"[/IMG]Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Hey so sorry you're dealing with this. I completely understand. We have done 2 DIUIs and we are in the middle of IVF with DS. It's incredibly painful. It's also normal to feel hopeful but sad, but I promise it does get easier.
    Initially I was very against using DS because it was so painful to think I couldn't give my husband a bio child. The other night he thanked me for giving us a chance at having children together. Know that this is normal and it will get better. Also, know that you are not alone. Best of luck.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • I am so sorry you are having a tough day :(   


    (((Hugs)))  


    ***SIGNATURE WARNING***


    TTC #1

    Me 42, DH 47

    Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI

    IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; early loss

    IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; early loss

    FET = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP

    Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251. 

    1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat! 

    2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track.

    Our beautiful little girl arrived January 2015!


  • Sorry you're having a tough time.  It's totally normal to feel sad.  We're using DE so our (hopefully) bio child will not have my DNA, but it will have my DH and we'll get to experience (hopefully) being pregnant.  It will still be your bio child.  

    Me: now over 40, careerwoman; DH: 34 love of my life
    Blood work, anatomy and his SA = in fine shape say drs
    Our journey so far:
    7/09: BFP m/c 6w s/e/p, 2 rounds methotrexate
    4/10 BFP m/c 6w D&C..it was a boy :(
    6/10-2/11 TTC naturally, BFNs
    3/11: Clomid cycle, BFN
    4/11-9/11 TTC naturally, BFNs
    10/11 IUI #1 BFN
    Have to breathe over next few months.
    Feb 2012: IVF #1, max stims, only 3 retrieved, all fertilized, only 1 transferred on Day 3. BFN.
    RE says move to DE. DE it is.
    DE IVF #1 - 10/29: 12 eggs retrieved, 10 fert. 11/2: Day5 transfer 2 'perfect' blasts. 4 blasts on ice. 11/11: Beta #1 at 9dp5dt = 72.7 11/13: Beta #2 at 11dp5dt: 30.3 c/p :( WTF appt 11/27: RE a little dumbfounded. Checking Thyroid panel again, Hysterogram as well; FET most likely in Jan. '13.have reconsidered a parallel path of adoption.
    PAIF&SAIF always welcome
  • Thanks girls! It felt better after venting :)

    Trying to Conceive since Aug 2011
    Diagnosed with severe male factor IF we got no swimmers
    First dIUI Dec 7 2012 = BFN
    Second dIUI Jan 9 2013 = BFN
    Third dIUI with clomid 50mg Feb 5 2013
    Forth dIUI with clomid 100mg dIUI Early March
    Here is to a New Year!
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