Eco-Friendly Family

Eco-anxious-type-A mama help

I think I may be the most Eco-minded, organic, crunchy, minimalist, anxious, Type-A mama there ever has been. I don't feel like I fit in a camp. I'm too anxious about a million things to fit in the AP camp. And my sweet 9 wk old has no intentions of being an easy sleeper, which makes me a little nutty for not being able to help her do the number one most important thing in a newborns life, sleep! I don't expect her to be different, I expect me to be able to read enough and do my best and make it work. But that's not happening, and I think I'm going a little nutty. I know I need to relax, I just don't seem to know how. So I came to this board where I lurk often (post regularly on Sept. 2012) because if I know if I fit into any category, it is this one. But come to find out this isn't a style of parenting necessarily. Where do you find yourself in the parenting camps (thus, how you approached any issues you've had to work on with your LOs)? How did you get there? Did you think you'd fit one place and then not? Any reccomendations for good, common sense parenting style books? Or just anything that might help me chill!? I just never thought it/I would be like this. 
Adiah Catherine ~ September 6, 2012

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Re: Eco-anxious-type-A mama help

  • :)  Take what works for you and don't worry about the rest.  I go to the AP board because I like a lot of the ideas and advice from the ladies, but I don't bedshare and I rarely babywear... (maybe there should be a bad poetry board?!?)

    Just be a mom.  Don't worry about what "camp" you fit into.




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  • I'm just pregnant so I don't know about all the parenting stuff yet. But honestly relax, and do what you want. There shouldn't be camps or certains rules you have to follow to be considered a parent.

    Each day you make a decision that's best for you, your lo, your family. It's great that you are Ecoconscious but you shouldn't define yourself by it. [the media has been great at making parents feel bad and feel like they have to pick a side]

    If you need sleep do it, have help from your SO. If you're hungry eat, if you like something like a walk or hanging out with friends etc. Do that.

    I have a friend who thought she'd LOVE cloth diapers. Turns out that it's more of a "like". And she's pretty sure she'll use disposables out side of the house.

    So parenting isn't all or nothing. It's what works for your family in different situations. And if that changes with time it's okay too.

    Hopefully some relaxation is coming your way!
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  • When babies don't sleep it can really make a mom go crazy. I know, my LO is 17 months and still wakes up every 3 hrs all night long. I thought he would sleep, especially when other babies around us were sleeping 12 hrs straight since they were 12 weeks. Every kid is different, every mom is different, every situation is different. You need to accept that maybe your LO is not a good sleeper and deal with that, whether it is by reading up on sleep training methods or take the more AP approach by just reacting to your kids needs...and that is a very loose term, for me it meant to bedshare, for you it may mean something else.

    Don't worry about what camp you fit into because if you go by what your kid and you should be doing you're setting yourself up for dissapointment.

    I tend to be more AP than any other but I found out about AP long after I was already doing that with my kid and so I was like "huh, so that's what I am!?". But honestly, just do what feels right.
  • Seriously the girls on my baby's month board were and still Are my saving grace. I ask ten thousand questions and it's great to have advice! I follow the happiest baby on the block book and babywise. With babywise I only follow some things though. 

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  • I don't post all that often here either, but I agree with the advice from PPs:  Just let yourself relax.  Babies are far more resilient than we give them credit for, so don't sweat so much.  Take a break and get out of the house by yourself for a while (assuming you have a SO or someone to babysit for you) - get your hair done, go shopping, go for a run, meet your friends for dinner/drinks - whatever you like to do for yourself.  Do it.

    I recently read Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman, and thought it was great.  Not so much a how-to parenting book, but more of a memoir with a lot of broad generalizations and observations.  Nonetheless, in France, babies do come with an instruction book and there are no "camps" for different parenting styles - they do it one way because that way works for the vast majority of children.  And it's all very common sense - treat your kid like the person that she is; talk to her; respect her independence; etc, etc, etc.  The section in there about sleeping makes so much sense and is so simple, it's completely brilliant.  Basically, give them a minute.  When you understand sleep cycles and how they work, you can better understand what's happening in your baby's sleep, and better help/allow them to learn how to sleep.

    But overall, take some time for yourself, it sounds like you could use it.  Good luck!

     

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  • Have you always been anxious or is this just since your baby's arrival? If you're really feeling anxious, it could be postpartum mood disorder. Sleep, deep breaths, follow your intuition and pick and choose from any of the parenting methods/camps out there that appeal to you.
    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I went crazy reading every sleep book on the market. My 20 month old only just started sleeping through the night; I realize now that for the last 8
    months or so, this was more my own doing than anything else, but what can you do? Firsttime motherhood is a rough road.

    Nine weeks in is still really early days, it gets easier and better. Do what you can to try to relax, and take more naps if you're able, because going without sleep can make you feel absolutely out of your mind. For me, the exhaustion and fear of doing something wrong made me feeling terrified and horrible, which then manifested in an obsessive need to control everything... and if i couldnt control it, I would at least learn everything i possibly could!!! It will make you insane.

    In the meantime, I found Ann Douglas's "Sleep Solutions..." book to be the most reassuring and helpful of the sleeprelated books I read. It's a well thought out and compassionate overview of all the various sleep methods and philosophies out there, from attachment to nocry to Ferber.

    Good luck! You're doing just fine, and it just gets better from here.
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