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JulyMomma2U2

Looking for advice, opinions, etc on my upcoming situation.. DS is 4 months old, and currently either DH or myself have been home with him (and, will continue to be home with him until January). The original plan was that my Mom would watch DS at her home in January. We would be paying her ~$600/month to have him 5 days a week. This plan was arranged when I was pregnant with DS. However, there's a catch now.. my sister is going through a divorce and is currently staying wtih my Mom with her 2 children (5 and 3). The 5 year old is in kindergarten, and the 3 year old attends pre-school 3 days/week, so my nephews aren't there during the day every day.. but, the whole situation has really been a LOT to handle for my Mom. The addition of my sister and nephews living with them, in conjunction with all the stress surrounding the particulars of my sister's divorce (her husband is a JERK!), it's just been very overwhelming. My Mom keeps saying she'll be fine with DS there, and that she is "looking forward to having him".. but, there is a part of me that isn't quite so sure that's how she feels. I'm afraid that she's already overwhelmed, and that adding a colicky baby to the mix might make things even more difficult.. and then, there's DS to think about.. DS does not like over-stimulation.. he can't tolerate it. My parents, in addition to now having my sister and nephews living there, also have 4 dogs.. it is a tight squeeze in their home, and often very "chaotic". When I take DS there now, without fail at somepoint he has a meltdown and I have to take him outside on the porch and calm him down just because there is so much noise and commotion around him.. it's a really tough decision. In my heart I keep feeling like sending DS to my Mom's in January is the wrong decision. Wrong because it will add increased stress to my Mom, and wrong because it'll be a difficult environment for DS to acclimate to.. but, I know if I told my mom I was considering daycare she'd be very upset.. maybe even angry with me. And then, the financial part of me says I need to stay with my Mom because local daycares would be 2x what we're thinking of paying my Mom.. and then, we run the question of, is it really worth me working if so much of my salary then goes towards childcare (I also spend ~$500/month on commuting expenses). I'm so torn in so many ways. As January approaches, I know I really need to make the decision asap.. if we are considering daycare, I need to start putting things in motion NOW. And, figuring out how we're going to financially swing it. Any thoughts?

ETA:  Just wanted to comment on the 4 dogs part -- my concern with 4 dogs is nothing to do with safety, more so additional noise.. when they decide it's play time, they'll all bark, which just adds to the chaos at my Mom's house.. 

hopefulmom81

That is a tough situation.  I am sorry you had such a big wrench thrown into your care plans. 

My thoughts are that it is up to your mom to say how she feels.  If she can't handle it, she needs to be honest, you can't go around guessing how things are for her.  I bet she really is looking forward to watching your DS.  

If you are worried about DS and noise, daycare would not be much easier.  I have DD in an in home daycare and there are always 2-3 toddlers screaming and running around on top of a few babies who need care.  It has made DD much more flexible, I think.

I say, try things at your moms, get used to paying $600 a month, and if it just isn't working, try a daycare .  It will be work, but you can always find openings.  At least you could break from your mom more easily after you all recognize it isn't working out.

Best case scenario?  It works out. 

Teresa1896

Tough situation. Would it be possible to have LO in a daycare center/home a few days a week and with your mom the rest of the time? We have DD in a daycare home 3 days/wk and with my ILs the other 2 days/wk. It gives a good balance to the ILs...they get to enjoy their time with DD and not feel like she is their "job" per se.

hopefulmom81

Teresa1896:

Tough situation. Would it be possible to have LO in a daycare center/home a few days a week and with your mom the rest of the time? We have DD in a daycare home 3 days/wk and with my ILs the other 2 days/wk. It gives a good balance to the ILs...they get to enjoy their time with DD and not feel like she is their "job" per se.

This is a great solution.  I actually do this too.  In home daycare 3 days, my mom's 1 day, and with me 1 day and weekends. 

charmedgrl517

I'm sorry you have to make this decision! I wish we didn't have to work!!lol Is there anyway your mom could come to your house instead of you taking DS to her house? I think if your Mom is able to watch him then that would be better than daycare since it is family and someone you really trust (not that daycare is bad, but if you have family you trust then why not). Plus like you said daycare is so expensive. I hope everything works out with as little stress as possible!

MickeyM04

Teresa1896:

Tough situation. Would it be possible to have LO in a daycare center/home a few days a week and with your mom the rest of the time? We have DD in a daycare home 3 days/wk and with my ILs the other 2 days/wk. It gives a good balance to the ILs...they get to enjoy their time with DD and not feel like she is their "job" per se.

ETA:  Sorry, computer got wonky and posted prematurely

MickeyM04

Teresa1896:

Tough situation. Would it be possible to have LO in a daycare center/home a few days a week and with your mom the rest of the time? We have DD in a daycare home 3 days/wk and with my ILs the other 2 days/wk. It gives a good balance to the ILs...they get to enjoy their time with DD and not feel like she is their "job" per se.

 I think this is a great idea as well. That being said, I am a strong proponent of listening to mommy instincts. If your mommy instincts are telling you that it's not a great idea, then either a) it probably isn't, or b) it may very well be fine, but it won't change that feeling in your gut and you'll still feel uncomfortable.  You can always try it and see how it goes with your mom and change your mind later too.

That being said, we have two dogs and when I was on maternity leave just with two dogs and 1 baby was a lot.  I think 4 dogs, 1 baby and another child (since the 5 year old is in kindergarten I'm not including him in the mix) would be too much for me to handle personally so I don't know that I would expect someone else to be able to handle that either.  And I don't know that I would necessarily trust your mom if she says she can handle it.  I know my mom would pretty much never tell me anything that might stress me out (like hey, I agreed to do childcare but now that I'm thinking about it, I can't handle it).

GL with whatever you decide!