WWYD? Long
k3montel
member
On Saturday, DH and I went to Beer Fest at our local Farmer's market with my cousins and their boyfriends. This is something that has been planned for several months...it was going to be my first real time being "out" with DH where we were both drinking. It's a beer tasting of many different local breweries.
My mom was going to watch PJ for us, but my friends begged me to let them babysit; so, since my mom watches him all week, I agreed to it. There were 3 of them (one has babysat for us several times so we could go to dinner or doctor apts for DH). Beer Fest was from 1-6, and our plan was to go to dinner downtown after to sober up before taking taxis home. My friends could only stay until 7, so my mom came over from 7-8:45 (when we got home).
All day, my friends sent me pictures and updates that seemed like PJ was fine. When we got home, I asked my mom how he did. She said, "He was great for me; the girls said he was fine, but he cried a bit for them". So overall, it seemed like the day was a success.
So the next day, PJ slept in for the first time EVER! I wrote on FB something about how PJ must love his mommy bc he slept in until 8:30. One of my friends that babysat (L) responded, "he was worn out from all of the adorable crying he did with us!". This friend always has an opinion, but is usually very passive aggressive.
I texted the one that has been our sitter before to ask if he cried a lot, and she said not too much, and if he did, they turned on the song "Gangnam Style" and he stopped immediately. My child is strange, I know.
Anyway, I was concerned bc there I was, drinking and having fun with our friends for the first time in almost a year and a half, and my baby was home crying all day. My mom and DH calmed me down and said that the girls (who don't have kids) probably just don't understand, and they're sure he was fine.
I was finally feeling better about it...until today. I work with L, and one of our old co-workers (C) is back today to visit her old students. So I went to L's room to see C, and C asked how PJ was doing. I updated her on everything, and then L butted in..."He's a cryer!". So I said, he was probably just tired and didn't sleep enough. She then proceeded to say that he cried a lot, and he wasn't happy being held or playing unless that song was on. I didn't know how to respond.
I don't plan to ask L to babysit again, and if she asks, I'll just make up some excuse. But for now, I don't know what to say to her. She keeps bringing up how much he cried...which just makes me feel horrible for going out. WWYD? What should I say when she brings it up again?
Re: WWYD? Long
I also saw a shirt a baby was wearing, and I can't remember if it was on here or not, but it said something like my baby only cries when ugly people hold them. LOL that also came to mind, but I wouldn't say that.
Does she have kids? If not, I'd say "you think he's a crier? Good luck when you have kids!" or something else equally as passive aggressive as she's being.
Honestly, you can't let it bother you. Your friends said he was fine, except for the one who you know is normally a PITA. And it was his first time alone with new people, so some crying is normal. Your mom said he was fine at night, he seemed fine the next day, so don't stress. If she asks to babysit again I would be honest and say "you seemed to have an issue with him fussing and crying on occasion and I didn't appreciate hearing about it for days after. It made me feel very guilty about leaving him home and making you guys deal with a fussy baby. My mom (or whoever else) seems to be able to handle him better, so they're going to watch him. Thanks for the offer, though". I joke around a lot and am sarcastic a lot and I've crossed the line with people before on stuff I consider harmless but hits a nerve (your friend probably thinks her jokes are no big deal). Friends of mine have been frank when I've done that and even if I think they're being ridiculous I Knut go there again. It would be helpful for her to know.
When I agreed to let them babysit, I knew she had been babysitting for years, but I didn't know that she had never really cared for a baby on her own. She had him for 45 minutes at the beginning by herself.
I LOL'ed at this. I wish I had the guts to say this!
I will definitely do both of these things. I think I can handle it. I think you're right too that she just doesn't know she's hitting a nerve. I already felt bad for leaving him for so long so I could go drink beer. Any other time I've left him for that long has just been to work so we can have health insurance...lol.
I'm fairly certain that before I had kids I made comments or jokes that I didn't mean badly but were probably insensitive (a friend of mine had an adorable baby with an enormous head and I know I commented on it). I never said anything mean but I'm sure I probably struck a nerve once or twice. Now that I have kids I know that no matter how close of a relationship you have the only appropriate thing to say is how wonderful the child is
And don't feel guilty for leaving him! Going out with your H and keeping your marriage strong is actually a wonderful thing to do for your child.
Thank you girls! I do feel better. I won't be calling her in the future, and I know it's important for PJ to see DH and I in a healthy relationship. Despite all of this, I did have a great time on Saturday!
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16