April 2013 Moms

babysitter

Ok I need some opinions/help. I have been thinking about what my work schedule will be after my maternity leave. The summer will be easy, because my mom works at a school and has summers off, and when she is working she is home by 2, so I can do like a 3-close shift a couple of nights. However I do want to keep a weekday, I am hairstylist so convenience for my clients is key, and I was thinking about asking my best friend to watch the baby on Tuesday from 9-5. She is a SAHM with a 2 year old and she already babysits a 1 year old (his mom is a professor so she will have the summer off from babysitting). Not only is she my best friend but my baby's father is her brother (they don't speak). Ok my big question is how much should I offer to pay her, is $20 reasonable? I don't want to offend her in anyway by offering too little. But, also since the father will not be contributing financially I can't afford too much. I know I am their go to babysitter, but that is more for like a date night or an appointment type of thing so I don't expect compensation, but I know that this will be different.

 

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Re: babysitter

  • I personally pay babysitters between $10 and $13 per hour depending on whether my son is asleep while they are babysitting.
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  • I would ask her what her normal rate is.  $20 a day seems really low.
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  • Part-time day care at a day home in my area is $35-$40 a day. Personally I think $20 is too low.

    Also, in almost every area in North America, the father of a child has a legal obligation to provide financial support to his child.  I would encourage you to look into your child's rights with respect to child support. Don't view it as being greedy or selfish, it is your child's right to receive support form his/her father, whether or not the father is involved in the child's life!

    ETA: If this comes off as a lecture, that is not at all my intention, I just want to make sure you get all the support you can!  I am really passionate about child advocacy and can get a little worked up. 

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  • Maybe try offering a trade? She watches your LO one day a week and you watch hers one a week so she doesn't have to take along kids while she's running her errands or something.

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  • See I honestly had no idea. I was advised by a lawyer not to pursue child support because that would only give him more rights, and I personally don't want him involved. He also works "under the table" so I would essentially get very little.

     

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  • $20 seems kind of low, but if she's your best friend and you're in a tight spot financially, it might be fine. Maybe offer a trade ($20 plus a free hair cut/dye)?

    Are you only working 1 day a week?  

    I hope you intend to pursue child support from your baby's father. Your baby deserves it. In some states you don't even need a lawyer to help you set it up. Even if you wont get much, it'll help. If he is ordered to pay support and doesn't, it build arrears, which you may be able to collect someday down the road. 


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  • image SammieLou88:
    Maybe try offering a trade? She watches your LO one day a week and you watch hers one a week so she doesn't have to take along kids while she's running her errands or something.

     That is a very good idea! Something I hadn't thought of. We are very close, I lived with her through her pregnancy while her husband was overseas and even got to cut her daughters umbilical cord! 

     

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  • image Ooglybear:

    $20 seems kind of low, but if she's your best friend and you're in a tight spot financially, it might be fine. Maybe offer a trade ($20 plus a free hair cut/dye)?

    Are you only working 1 day a week?  

    I hope you intend to pursue child support from your baby's father. Your baby deserves it. In some states you don't even need a lawyer to help you set it up. Even if you wont get much, it'll help. If he is ordered to pay support and doesn't, it build arrears, which you may be able to collect someday down the road. 

     That is another point I could of mentioned, that I do and always have done her hair for free. No, Tuesday and Saturday will be my only days, and on Saturday and the nights I am working my mom will be available.

     

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  • image xtineelaine:
    See I honestly had no idea. I was advised by a lawyer not to pursue child support because that would only give him more rights, and I personally don't want him involved. He also works "under the table" so I would essentially get very little.

    Instead of calling a lawyer, perhaps try calling some social service agencies in your community and see if they can tell you about the child support laws in your state, and whether you need a lawyer to pursue them.  Hopefully your state is one in which you don't need a lawyer to pursue child support.  I think in some areas it is pretty much just some paperwork. 

    I know you're not here, but in Canada, child support is 100% separate from parental access.  If you are a parent, you are legally required to support your child, but some paying parents may never see their child (usually by choice or if they are criminals).  If the parent works under the table, the court can impute income to them. 

    Many Canadian law schools also run free help-lines which you can call to get legal information about the laws in your area-- I wonder if any of the law schools near you would do the same thing? They can't give you legal advice, but they can tell you what the actual law is with respect to the father's legal obligations.   

    Hugs to you, it sounds like you are putting a lot of time and energy into planning for your little one, in what I imagine is a pretty daunting situation!

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    BFP #2: 07/31/2015  M/C 09/23/2015 (11.5 weeks)

    BFP #3: 12/16/2015 DD2 born 8/27/2016
  • My husband watched my sisters son last year for her and she paid $80/day.  I realize that is probably out of your budget, but $20 is pretty low.  I think offering her $20 with a sort of trade for child care is a fair agreement to offer up.  It's worth a shot to just talk to her about it. If she's your best friend, she's probably willing to help you out more than just the average person would. 

     I don't have anything to offer on your child support issue. It's just too bad that you have to take on the whole financial burden of raising a child on your own, but it sounds like you've already saught legal counsel and are informed in your decision to not pursue help. 

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  • image Fremdschamen:

    image xtineelaine:
    See I honestly had no idea. I was advised by a lawyer not to pursue child support because that would only give him more rights, and I personally don't want him involved. He also works "under the table" so I would essentially get very little.

    Instead of calling a lawyer, perhaps try calling some social service agencies in your community and see if they can tell you about the child support laws in your state, and whether you need a lawyer to pursue them.  Hopefully your state is one in which you don't need a lawyer to pursue child support.  I think in some areas it is pretty much just some paperwork. 

    I know you're not here, but in Canada, child support is 100% separate from parental access.  If you are a parent, you are legally required to support your child, but some paying parents may never see their child (usually by choice or if they are criminals).  If the parent works under the table, the court can impute income to them. 

    Many Canadian law schools also run free help-lines which you can call to get legal information about the laws in your area-- I wonder if any of the law schools near you would do the same thing? They can't give you legal advice, but they can tell you what the actual law is with respect to the father's legal obligations.   

    Hugs to you, it sounds like you are putting a lot of time and energy into planning for your little one, in what I imagine is a pretty daunting situation!

     

    Thank you for the hugs and the advice Smile. I will keep all of these ideas in mind!

     

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  • image Murraydog:

    My husband watched my sisters son last year for her and she paid $80/day.  I realize that is probably out of your budget, but $20 is pretty low.  I think offering her $20 with a sort of trade for child care is a fair agreement to offer up.  It's worth a shot to just talk to her about it. If she's your best friend, she's probably willing to help you out more than just the average person would. 

     I don't have anything to offer on your child support issue. It's just too bad that you have to take on the whole financial burden of raising a child on your own, but it sounds like you've already saught legal counsel and are informed in your decision to not pursue help. 

     

    Yeah $80 is too much for me! But like you said, since we are so close hopefully she would be willing to help me out more. I am also lucky that, even thought the father will not be involved, I have a very supportive family.

     

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  • I babysit a little girl for $40 a day (7:15 am to 4:15 pm). I started watching her in May when she was about 10 months old. $20 seems awfully low, especially considering that it will be a fairly young baby needing more feedings and what not. I would suggest asking your friend what she would charge. Good luck.
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  • While $20 is a little low, I think for a friend or family that wanted to help you out that it is reasonable. You should throw in a trade ( free hair styles, babysitting, etc.)

    Whatever you do decide make sure it's clear up front. That way you avoid any messy arguments later on.

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  • I paid my mom $50 a day when she watched DS1. But if you are that close with her, I am sure you will be able to come up with something that you are both comfortable with.
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