1st Trimester
new...surprise pregnancy and bad reactions....thoughts?
Hello Ladies
Obviously I am new on here so hello hello hello 
My husband and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary in september and at the beginning of october we found out we were pregnant. It was unplanned, and we were attempting to prevent it....(clearly it didn't work)
Anyways....I am absolutely terrified. I run my own business and am constantly busy and I wasn't really ready to give up giving all my attention to my husband. He is still in school getting his second masters degree so we are in a financial tight spot to begin with. To make things even worse, the day I found out I called my best friend crying because I was so upset about being pregnant and she spend the next FOUR HOURS on the phone with me telling me how stupid it was that I got pregnant and that it was going to destroy my marriage and that my husband would never want to be near me or have sex with me again.....I was in complete shock at everything she was telling me especially because she was the first person I told. I have been getting a lot of bad reactions from people telling me my career is over, that I will never be able to do anything, etc. Im even more horrified now at the whole idea of being a mom more than ever.
Thoughts? advice?
I cannot even begin to express how terrified I am.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: new...surprise pregnancy and bad reactions....thoughts?
I think you have a shiitty "best friend". Yes, your life is going to be harder. But if your marriage is in good shape now, there is no reason that it would be destroyed just by having a child. As far as your husband never wanting to have sex with you again, personally for me (and him), sex got better while pregnant. I've heard from a lot of moms here that sex after childbirth is actually better, so you never know.
I don't have much advice but I think it's pretty normal to be terrified no matter how planned it is. My pregnancy was definitely not planned and my boyfriend and I had not been together long before I got pregnant (on antibiotics) so I'm pretty scared as well. But I'm personally grateful to even be able to get pregnant and when I feel my little guy kick, I know I was meant to be his mom. Hang in there, and good luck.
I agree with Melissa your best friend hurt MY heart. Things are bound to change, you are bringing another life into the world, but everything will work out for you guys as long.
Pregnancy is not easy breezy. We all have our turn with fear and all of that. When you see those eyes and that face, hell, when you see that heart beat and feel those kicks you will feel a lot better.
As for your marriage, you love your husband, he loves you. Screw what others think anyways.
Feel free to lean on the rest of us, we will be real with you but also have a little heart as we are all in the same boat right now.
Good luck!!
I am just shocked and appalled that someone who is supposed to be your best friend treated you so poorly.
Facts are facts, and having a baby will alter your life. But it will not end it. I know plenty of people with children who are still able to do the things they love, have a career, and maintain their intimate relationships with their spouses. It just takes some hard work, but it is definitely not a crazy idea. And maybe you will need help - from family, from friends, whoever.
I would encourage you to seek out a support group in your area or reach out to other career-minded moms in the community. They will be able to assuage some of your fears. I'm not sure why so many of us see a child as an end to all our personal desires, but this is not the case. With a little perseverence, you can achieve all you want to achieve. Maybe it will be a little different than the way you imagined it at first, but you will still get there. Don't give up hope just because of this unexpected circumstance!
As for your marriage - no. Just no. Your marriage will not be destroyed by a child. I'm not sure why she would tell you that, but please don't listen to her. If you were in a good place before the pregnancy, you will be in a good place during and after it. Again, it may take some adjusting (physically and metaphorically), but you sound like a strong, intelligent woman and I know you have it in you.
Best of luck.
My baby was not planned either, and I'm very early in my career so had some freak out moments but once you see your nugget on an us you kinda forget that. Your career will happen if it is something that is important to you. There are ways to get what you want career wise and have a family. My mom got a PhD and a law degree all right after I was born and moved up to a partner all the while raising me and my brother. I was planning on getting a second masters but when I found out I was pregnant decided to push it back a year, but it will still happen! I have no doubt!
My H wants to have sex with me just as often if not more, especially since my boobs grew a cup size! People have numerous children, so obvi sex happens after a baby. Again, if that's something that is important to you it will happen.
I was terrified for weeks, I still am sometimes but at 11w I am definitely more used to the idea and have just as many excited moments as freak out moments. You will be ok! Life, career will work out and your marriage will likely be fine, especially if its strong now!
Wow. Sounds like you need new friends.
Yes, babies change things. They change a LOT of things. And there will be tough times, especially if you are already strapped financially. But it doesn't mean the end of your career, your life, or your marriage.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
Do not believe what believe say because sometimes people are in a bad place and they just want everyone else to feel that same way.
Children are the greatest gift anyone could receive and I love teaching them so I know having a child of my own will be great too.
You just have to make sure you and your husband keep going on dates and have some time together.
sounds like your friend is maybe regretting her own decision and putting it on you?? I know a baby will change our life, but it certainly wont end it. It's a time for happiness and celebration of life. As long as you have support for your husband, thats all that matters. Money may be tight- but you'll learn how to be frugal in times like these. If your concerned about baby items, ect. theirs a ton of consignment shops and people literally giving away baby items. You maybe elligible for WIC as well.
me and my husband started to try and have a baby as soon as I was stable in my job, and had my insurance. It didn't work out; they fired me 2 weeks after i found out i was pregnant (i think due to illegal reasons.. i think they found out i was pregnant) but anyway.. things dont always go as planned, but you work your way around it. we're still very happy that we're having a baby.
If you decide to proceed with this pregnancy, here's the thing - you have 40 weeks+/- aka 9 MONTHS to prep and become more comfortable with the idea of being parents. It's truly a blessing for those who have unplanned pregnancies I think. Take advantage of that time.
Have a low-cost babymoon where you two get away and dote on each other. Consider baby care options (daycare, in home care, etc.) to aid in running your business. Maybe get a part-time assistant to help with the business. Consider whether your DH can either fast track his schooling and take more classes to graduate sooner, or perhaps cut back to part time classes once baby arrives and get a part time job if money is tight, etc.
Your friend sounds really weird.
It's a big change. It's something that we have all had to adjust to, but you can do it if you want to. GL.
Your life will change, but plenty of people have their own businesses, jobs and lives with great marriages after kids. Its hard work, not going to lie, but if you want to do it then it is possible.
I know this is a website geared toward pregnancy, but you do have other options if you are truly not ready to be a mom.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I agree wishing you and baby the very best Im sure everything will be fine