Rude or not?

pevila · October 2012

One of my SsIL is also my first cousin (she is married to DH's younger brother). She had her youngest baby baptized on Saturday, and, knowing that all of the presents would be on the religious side, and me beign not religiuos at all, bought the baby a pair of All Stars. She seems to like things that have brand names on them, and these kinds of shoes are really expensive in Peru, so I thought maybe she'd like them, and if not, exchange them for something else.

So, she was opening the presents and admiring the pewter figurines that my other cousins gave the baby. And when she opened my present, she said to my other cousin: "Maria, didn't you give me the same ones as a hand me down?" They both have boys, so Maria gives her all the things that her child no longer uses. Maria told her that she had given her the ones that have soft soles, and I gave her ones that have hard soles. My SIL didn't say anything else.

Was this rude of her to say? If somebody gives you a present, do you say that you already have it, or do you say nothing and just exchange it in the store? I don't know if I'm overreacting because there have been other incidents with other presents (too many and too long to describe here), or if, indeed, she was rude.

What do you think?

MAprincess · October 2012

I think it was a rude comment to make. I think her tone has a lot to do with it, but it was certainly not a necessary thing to say. If I open a gift that is something I already have, I politely thank them and exchange it later. I don't want the gift giver to think I don't like/appreciate the gift or the gesture.

But it wasn't rude enough to say or do anything about it. Perhaps she lacks tact in general and this is just the way it is with her.

PurpleDrewbie5 · October 2012

Yeah, I think rude. At my shower I got a few doubles and just said something like "oh you can never have too many receiving blankets" even though I intended to take them back. Maybe it was a little dishonest but it wasn't rude and surely didn't make anyone feel bad about their gift.

I wouldn't say anything to her. I am sure everyone thought she was being rude when she said it and her actions speak for themselves.

sophie206 · October 2012

PurpleDrewbie5:
Yeah, I think rude. At my shower I got a few doubles and just said something like "oh you can never have too many receiving blankets" even though I intended to take them back. Maybe it was a little dishonest but it wasn't rude and surely didn't make anyone feel bad about their gift.
I wouldn't say anything to her. I am sure everyone thought she was being rude when she said it and her actions speak for themselves.

This is what I do, too. And I agree that it was definitely lacking in tact. If she had worded it differently it might be better...like "Oh so-and-so, I think you gave me shoes like these and I loved them. Glad that I have a pair in a bigger size now!"

nrjones728 · October 2012

EmilyVReese80:
I absolutely think it's bad manners to say anything other than thank you about a gift. I don't think it's a big deal or rude per se, I would notice, but wouldn't necessarily be bothered, if that makes sense. I wouldn't be tripping over myself to buy an awesome gift the next time the opportunity presents itself either though.

Agreed

CiderWench · October 2012

I think it was rude, especially since it was said in front of all the guests.

ToBeMrsT · October 2012

Very rude. I'm sorry that happened to you.

toadstool · October 2012

Rude. How uncomfortable to have that said about your gift in front of all the other guests.

joyfullyfound · October 2012

Rude for sure. If I get a gift that I already have or don't like, the only time I say anything other than, "thank you so much!" is if it was a gift from DH or my parents. And even then I do it very gently and appreciatively.

buttaflly227 · October 2012

I would have just opened it and if I did already have it, exchange it later. Why make a scene and make the person who got it for you feel bad?

pevila · October 2012

Thank you for your answers! I thought that I could be overreacting because she is incredibly bad at giving and receiving presents. Now I see that I was right to feel this way! My mom also said that she was super rude, but that I shouldn't be surprised. I just can't give them bad presents, but we have stopped getting them huge presents (a flat screen TV, a video camera, a play station 3 have been some of them...) Do you know what my SIL/cousin gave us as a present when my premature daughter who had nothing was born? An outfit for 9 to 12 months from the supermarket.did I mention BIL makes a ton of money? Now I'm pissed all over again, hahaha!