Late Term and Child Loss

childhood photos = rough night

I really had a difficult night last night. We are house sitting for my parents and I was on my mom's computer when I came across a bunch of old photos she scanned in. There is a big folder of photos from when I was like 2-3 years old. All of a sudden, I just started sobbing. I realized that when I picture Patricia in my mind, I picture her exactly like I looked at this age. I looked exactly like my mom did at the same age, and I guess I've just assumed that Patricia would look like we did. It was just a painful reminder that I'll never get to see her smile or laugh or be silly, or feed ducks or ride in a wagon or love on a puppy. It just hurts so much.


  Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15

Re: childhood photos = rough night

  • It really sucks to see all the reminders of what we'll never have.  My DH and I were just talking about all the things we'll miss out on yesterday.  If that is what we focus on, it'll drive us all nuts!  Right now, (maybe since my loss is so new) I like to think about all the times I was still pregnant with Bradley, as opposed to what he should be doing today/in 2-3 years.  

    This isn't advice on how to deal with these reminders, but DH and I decided that for every birthday/Christmas we are going to buy age appropriate gifts for Bradley and donate them.  It doesn't change the fact that we'll never experience what our son should be doing, but it helps us feel better knowing we will be able to make another little boy who is Bradley's same age happy in memory of Bradley. 

     

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  • I'm so sorry you had a rough night. I've gone through those moments before, too - Devon was almost a splitting image of his big brother, and it breaks my heart when I see pictures of DS as a newborn/baby and know I won't have those pictures of Devon. I have no real words of advice but do hope your Monday is going better. *hugs*
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  • I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way.  I also have difficulty looking at pictures of myself of DH as a baby/toddler.  As you said, it's a painful reminder of what our little one's never became.  Thinking of you today.  Hugs!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image



  • image starburst0928:

    It really sucks to see all the reminders of what we'll never have.  My DH and I were just talking about all the things we'll miss out on yesterday.  If that is what we focus on, it'll drive us all nuts!  Right now, (maybe since my loss is so new) I like to think about all the times I was still pregnant with Bradley, as opposed to what he should be doing today/in 2-3 years.  

    This isn't advice on how to deal with these reminders, but DH and I decided that for every birthday/Christmas we are going to buy age appropriate gifts for Bradley and donate them.  It doesn't change the fact that we'll never experience what our son should be doing, but it helps us feel better knowing we will be able to make another little boy who is Bradley's same age happy in memory of Bradley. 

     

    I really like this idea starburst! I am so sorry that you had a rough night jbranden! It is so hard to not think about the "what ifs." I find myself doing that quite often and now even more that my niece was born the day after Annabelle's 7 month angelvesary. I will always think about them being so close in age.

    Hugs to you!

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

  • Thanks ladies, I appreciate it. I am still feeling sad today because I know this is just the beginning of things that I will miss with our sweet girl, but I look forward to all of the precious moments we will hopefully get to have with our rainbows. 

    Starburst, that's a really great way to honor your Bradley!



      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • image jbranden12:

    Thanks ladies, I appreciate it. I am still feeling sad today because I know this is just the beginning of things that I will miss with our sweet girl, but I look forward to all of the precious moments we will hopefully get to have with our rainbows. 

    Starburst, that's a really great way to honor your Bradley!

    Thanks! It still doesn't make up what we're missing out with our LOs... I hope we all get to have rainbows some day! 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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