Visiting family after baby is born? — The Bump
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Visiting family after baby is born?

So I know that after I have our baby, I will be going to my brothers graduation because it's not too far, and my mom is going to fly out and drive there with me, and most of my extended family will be at my brothers graduation so they will all be able to meet our baby. I know for a fact that my husbands family will not come visit me after I have the baby, they don't believe in leaving their little corner of the world. Should I fly down to Florida with the baby and with out my husband (since he'll be deployed) or should I just wait til he comes home to tackle visiting his family? What would you do?

Re: Visiting family after baby is born?

  • There are lots of things to think about -

    How well do you get along with ILs? Would they have a crib for LO, or would you have to bring your own? How comfortable are you flying? How old would LO be? Would you have to rent a car? Would you stay with them or in a hotel?

    Those are the things you can think about now, but you won't know until after LO is born how LO will deal with sleeping in different places, deal with being on a plane, etc.

    I went to visit my ILs without DH. It was a little awkward even though we get along. I had to remind myself a few times that I wasn't there for me. Over all, it wasn't a big deal for me to go, and I knew there would be very few opportunities for my ILs to see DS. MILs parents also got to meet DS, so that was important.

    I would say go, but take everything into consideration before you decide to go.

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  • If you get along well with your in laws and you don't mind going, go for it.

    You are a kinder daughter in law than I am, I would wait for them to come to me!

    I would hold off on any decisions until baby actually arrives, though, you never know how you will feel.

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

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  • Ditto the others that it depends on how well you get along with them and what the situation would be like there.  Personally if my MIL didn't live in the same town as my parents and family I would never visit them without H, baby included.  I can only handle her in small doses (H feels the same way), and I would never stay at her house.

    Do you have a really long time after your due date before you H is born?  Has your H expressed that he would like you to go?  

    I would just keep it maybe an option for now without making any decisions until after the baby is born and you see how things go.  And I probably wouldn't mention it to your IL's until you decide if you're going. 

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  • Do not go out of your way to visit them until you have fully recovered and your kid is a little older. Teeny tiny babies on planes full of sick people = no bueno. 

     My MIL lives 40 minutes by car or train from where we were when DS was born. When he was four days old she asked me if we we're coming to visit for the weekend. I said no. She said, "but it's so hard for me to get up there" (she doesn't drive, but could easily take the train). I pulled rank and made it clear that I had just given birth, spent most of my time half naked trying to BF, and I wasn't going anywhere. She took the train. 

     Tell them that you will come visit after your H gets home when you have the time. If they want to meet LO sooner, they can come to you. Birth recovery and newborn exhaustion are no joke. I traveled with DS when he was three weeks old and I would not have done it if it wasn't absolutely mandatory.  

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  • Personally, I'd wait.  I've visited the in-laws alone pre-babies, as well as post.  I loved my MIL before we had kids.  She was a giant pain in my butt after DD1 was born.  She's a pediatrician, but went into total grandma mode and lost her common sense.  She didn't calm down until DD2 was born.  Make a trip to visit them after your DH has had proper time to bond with your LO.  
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  • I'd wait, but that is the relationship that I have with my ILs. If it is important for them to see the baby, then they can pack up and come for a visit. Traveling with an infant is not easy,mos they can suck it up or wait.
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  • imagejb2rn:

    If you get along well with your in laws and you don't mind going, go for it.

    You are a kinder daughter in law than I am, I would wait for them to come to me!

    I would hold off on any decisions until baby actually arrives, though, you never know how you will feel.

    This.

    I see no issue doing this if you WANT to do this.  If you feel good, are excited for them to meet him, and will have a good time - more power to you. 

    For me, that would be a hell-to-the-no.  But my reasons are personal based on my own set of relationships and circumstances :)

    Travel is one of those things that just gets 10x harder once you are a parent.  I am a big believer that in those early years (basically from newborn to age 3 or 4 when things get less circus-ish) that it is okay to let family come to you.  Especially family that can grab a coffee, read their kindle, and sleep on a flight.  Or who doesn't have to nurse and change a diaper in a rest stop every three hours when driving.

    Married 6/28/03

    Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10

    4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014

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    No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.

    "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens

     

  • I think there are a number of factors involved. I'm on my phone, so I can't see tickers, which might have provided some info.

    My DS was born in July, DH missed the birth and would not redeploy for nine more months. When my DS was three months old, we flew from TN to NY to visit. I could not have imagined making my MIL wait that long to show off her first and only grandchild DH is an only child and we are "one and done". I get along well with my inlaws, though I do prefer to visit them with DH, this was something that I felt was the right thing to do. But, my inlaws travelled from NY for the birth and back again two months later when DH was home for RR and DS's baptismso they had clearly put in one of effort and funds.

    Everyone's situation is unique. Do what is right for you, your DH and your family.

    But, be sure to give yourself time to recover. My original plan for which I'd purchased plane tickets had been to visit my ILs when DS was two months old. I ended up having a very difficult delivery experience coupled with awful postpartum depression. Thankfully, my DH's RR dates got moved up, so I had to push our trip back a month. What a blessing that was. I was not ready to travel at two months postpartum, but I was good at three months.

    I've travelled a lot with m DS. He is a good traveller we were in Paris just last week! but he was easiest, by far, when he was ittybitty. Just something to consider. . .
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  • With my first I tried to do the right thing and went to visit family while DH was deployed.  It went well for the most part but his family is full of drama so it ended with just that.  I vowed never to visit his family again without DH with me. 

    But, I think it all does depend on the people involved. 

  • We don't visit my mom because she doesn't make an effort to visit us. 

    If my husband's family wouldn't visit, then we wouldn't visit them either.
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